


Illusions of Reality

by Alexandria_Sterling



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-14 18:18:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 51,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9197681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexandria_Sterling/pseuds/Alexandria_Sterling
Summary: The war had left everything broken. Not just castles, The war had broken people. It had even broken Hermione, though she will never tell that out loud. When she returns to Hogwarts, to complete her final year.. things start getting murkier. The return of Draco Malfoy was a shock to everyone but when Hermione finds herself suddenly attracted to him. Things start to get murkier. New secrets unfold. Incidents happen, visions change. But no one understands her. No one can see what she sees. No one can imagine what she experiences. In a race against time will Hermione be able to tell the difference between Illusion and reality.. Or all this is just another trick of her mind? A single step can change things foreverRated Explicit.





	1. Beginnings

## Illusions Of Reality

* * *

##  **Author Notes:**

Well .. Hello, everyone. This is my first story. My friend is assisting me with this. Please comment. It will make my day. So make sure you people comment! And thank you for reading the story! New updates soon! I am open to suggestions and constructive criticism. So please take some time, read and comment! Have Fun.

* * *

**Disclaimer:**  I do not own anything. Harry Potter is all the property of J.K. Rowling. I'm just playing with her characters. I do not make any profit with this fan fiction.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Beginnings**

I woke up drenched in sweat, gasping and panting like I have just run a marathon. It wasn't unusual. It hasn't been since last May. Since I had started sleeping properly without the fear of being caught. I got up and planted my feet firmly on the rug, closing my eyes for a moment to avoid the dizzy spells and the wave of nausea that was now a waking up call for me. Sighing and steadying my wobbly feet I made to the bathroom door and opened it with great effort. My legs were shaking. So were my hands. I stumbled into the bathroom clutching the sides of the sink with my head bowed. I laughed to myself. My voice was rough and my throat raw. This is how Harry found him back in the sixth year.

That's what I tell myself every day I do this. I washed my face with water taking deep calming breaths. Finally, I dare to look at my face. I barely flinch when I see myself. My eyes are sunken. They look hollow. I rival his complexion now. I scrubbed my face until my skin felt raw and brushed my teeth. I tried to forget everything. It was hard. I told myself I could do it. Do it for everyone who thought I was doing exceptionally well. Plaster a fake smile on my face and lie to people I'm perfectly fine thank you very much. But it doesn't come naturally to me. I had to practice for weeks to tell that particular lie so properly that Salazar Slytherin would have been proud of me. I take another breath and practice my lies again, muster up the confidence to look as the bossy little know it all I am. The brightest witch of her age. The brave Gryffindor princess. The one who hides everything under the facade.

That's how I brace myself and come out of the bathroom fully dressed and as the Hermione Granger, everyone knows. It's 3 in the morning and another reminder of my now disturbed sleeping patterns. I shake my head and look at Crooks who is fast asleep by my bed. It's a miracle he survived the incident at Bill's wedding. The Clever cat my familiar. I triple check everything in my trunk again, making sure I haven't forgotten anything. I live in my now empty childhood home. My parents... I shudder thinking about them. They are still in Australia, as a content couple.

I decided I let them stay like that for a while. I can't handle my condition, it's how I refer it as now, Without breaking down in front of them. And I can't face them and their disappointment when they realise what I have done to them. Not to mention how effective the reversal might or might not be… No. This is a new day. I can't just spend my time drowning in past memories. Not just any day. It's September first. The day I return to Hogwarts again. For a new year. For a new beginning. For a new dawn. I walk back to the kitchen with my Arithmancy book in one hand a ladle in another to cook something for myself while I'm still capable that is.

* * *

**_1st September 1998, Tuesday, 8 A.M, The Apple Drop Cottage, Heathgate, Hampstead._ **

After gobbling up my breakfast, waking Crooks up and finishing this semester's Arithmancy syllabus, I completely ward my home, lock it the muggle way and apparate over to the Weasley's. It was surprisingly chaotic today. It hasn't been this way since months. Since Fred's passing away. My gaze fell on Molly who was fussing over the breakfast and asking Ginny to pack her trunk up and Arthur who was reading the Daily Prophet with Harry on its front page as usual. Charlie returned to Romania. Bill and Fleur were in Shell cottage tending to little Victorie. George was leaning against a door frame watching the mess carefully with a forced smile. He was the first to notice me.

"Hello, Mione! You are early" He mused slowly. His voice had neither the usual happy to go lucky ring to it nor his eyes had the spark. He looked like he hadn't just lost an ear only. Of course, he hadn't. He lost a part of his soul with Fred.

"Mione! It's been a while! Where the buggering hell have you been?" Ginny cried throwing herself at me. Harry can catch her with his seeker reflexes, I can't and stagger back with the effort.

"I was here for the last Sunday brunch Ginny... Hope you remember" I told drily as she beamed at me. Her smile dropped. Everyone's did. The last brunch was horrible. And the reason for it was now descending the stairs. Ronald Bilius Weasley. Staring at me in shock. He didn't expect me to turn up today. I promised Ginny I will go to the King's Cross with her. Well, she was returning for her 6th year. Many were again repeating last year. With the Carrows fiasco, Professor McGonagall decided it was best if students repeat the year. I got my letter a month or two prior. I wanted to go. No, I needed to go. I had to escape this madness. I had to stop myself from destroying everything I had built.

The minor problem of being with Weasley's apart from Fred's absence.. was Ron. After our sloppy, not so romantic kiss in the battle .. No. I couldn't call that a kiss. I pounced on him. I attacked him, not with a wand but with lips and like always he gave in. I winced reliving that moment. No offence Ron was an amazing person. The one who could keep you happy and help you build a life. But, the problem was that the building part is your while he shouts the encouragement. Hope you get the picture. He was everything I could wish for, but nothing I needed to set myself right.

After the battle, we were completely in love or so I thought. He was like a lost puppy following me around with occasional bites and barks. We fought tooth and nail about.. well everything. From my hair to his food. I couldn't just transform into a pretty little minx he wants me to be. He could never stop being the immature, jealous boy. I realised that this is not what I could live with. I couldn't just be an arm candy. I would rather be ugly and do things on my own terms, Be someone I could be, rather than a beautiful girl who needs a boy to complete her. That's just bullshit.

I swore a lot these days. Ron hated it. He loved to swear and according to him, I changed just because I exclaimed fuck when he broke my mum's crockery. Yes. I fought in a bloody war. Of course, I changed. But so did he. So did Harry. So did everyone. Well, My swearing was just a start. My appearance became his next concern. Then my habits. Then obsessions. My fears. My expressions. My ambitions. I was keeping a mental tab, of all the things he said he didn't like about me. I was waiting for the time when he would finally turn to me and declare me unworthy of his attention. Well, he made a clear point in every argument to remind me of his girl fan following and their letters. That there were many 'worthy' girls, thirsty for his attention. Worthy. My ass.

I was waiting for the day, for the final straw, to end this relationship or what it was that included holding hands, talking sweetly for a while, Two weird kisses and lots of arguments, Him featuring in the Daily Prophet with a new girl on his arm every day. Him questioning what I do, Where I go and getting angry when the questions turn back on him. Fuck this shit. He was my first love. No, It was a childhood obsession. It was a crush, an attraction I couldn't deny. Now. I realise it was a mistake. Sunday brunches, Molly holds just to cheer everyone up though now they lack their usual happy laughter .. led to our worst argument ever.

* * *

**_23rd August 1998, Sunday, 11:13 A.M, The Burrow, Ottery St. Catchpole, Devon, West Country_**.

I was chatting up Ginny, talking about her rekindled relationship with Harry. She is extremely happy and in love, mind you. I never saw her this happy, though the loss of everyone still bothers her. With Harry, she seems so relaxed. They were so in love that it made me sick and Ron absolutely furious about the Ghastly PDA Harry does with his sister. No one bothers about his rants though. She was talking about how Harry was taking her to dinner right after his training next weekend three days prior to our journey. He and Ron were running away to become Aurors. I tried to explain to Harry how important it was to complete his education. Nothing new for me. He gave me a kind smile and said he was done with education and he wanted nothing more than taking Ginny away with him and stay somewhere peacefully. He didn't share my views on returning to Hogwarts. After some relentless pursuing of the subject, I gave up when I realised nothing could shake his decision. And Ron? What is the point in asking someone who was loving the limelight he was getting with Auror training? I didn't broach the subject with him.

But he, unfortunately, found my Hogwarts letter which I had tucked away absent mindedly into my Charms book I had been reading and ran to us in the garden screaming like he had seen Voldemort without his pants.

"What in Merlin's name was that?" Ginny exclaimed, her pink blush subsiding after she recollected how good Harry kissed.

"Your git of a brother" I muttered and fixated my gaze on Ron coming towards me like Buck beak when offended.

"WHAT IS THIS!" He screeched waving the letter under my nose.

"My Hogwarts letter," I said narrowing my eyes.

"WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING TO TELL ME?" He bellowed.

"Today or tomorrow," I replied calmly. I intended to tell him .. really. I had a lot on my mind. Like how to calm myself down and muster up the courage to live for another day. And avoid this very argument

"You were leaving in a week and planning to tell me now? You received this letter just when Ginny received. It's been months!" Ron asked angrily.

"Ron, stop making a scene. Let's go inside and talk" I said slowly. He jerked off the arm I placed on his shoulder.

"You didn't even ask my opinion about you going!" He said. My eyes were now narrow slits.

"Opinion or Permission Ronald?" I asked knowing Ron won't stop with just an opinion.

"Permission. I'm your bloody boyfriend. You should have told me. Asked if it was okay to go! Actually, it's not okay. You won't go. You won't go leaving your boy friend here alone. Why should you? You have everything here! We are happy. You are not going" He retorted. Happy?

"Are you delusional? Who are you to dictate that?" I snapped.

"Your boyfriend," He said with a tone of absolute authority like he was declared the Minister of Magic.

"Yeah .. just boyfriend. Nothing more. You don't control what I do, I want to go and I'm going. Stop being a child, Ronald. I'm not leaving you behind. We can talk through letters. I will be here for holidays too. I know you won't come even if I beg. It's not like we are being separated forever. Harry is perfectly fine with Ginny going. What the matter with you?" I asked exasperatedly not in a mood to pick up another fight.

"BECAUSE I AM NOT HARRY" He screamed taking steps towards me

"Because he doesn't have to deal with a girl like you. You aren't just prudish know it all...Hermione. You are obsessive, crazy and a person who is a bane to anyone's existence. You should worship me because I put up with you! You.. your rubbish sense of fashion" He said gesturing to my clothes which seemed perfectly fine to me. Pink T shirt, Grey Jumper and Black Jeans with sneakers.

"How would anyone give a second thought about you with no sense of humour, no social life, no beauty and a nose always stuck in books." He spat at me cruelly.

"Well .. you are no Harry. Because he knows who I am and doesn't judge me or criticise the way I am. 7 years Ron .. 7 years and you can't even understand me. You don't know my tastes or preferences. You want a girl whom you could mould into some suitable toy. You can't do that to me! I'm leaving. And owl me when you calm down" I told him.

I was about to go when I heard him.

"You can hide all you want. But I heard your screams. I saw your marks. You and Harry don't give me enough credit. I'm observant enough to understand that you are not the same person I knew back then. You scream like a banshee every night. You moan his name! Don't you think I know it! He is the reason you are going back! I knew you had some affair with him. We all knew. I forgave you for that. You roam the streets of London aimlessly at night. Talk to yourself. Everyone knows that. You can't claim it's all nothing." He spat. My heart stilled.

"Who are you even talking about!" I asked sharply. No .. No.. When did he realise I had trouble sleeping? How dare he accuse me that I'm cheating on him?

"You know who I am talking about! He is the one you have been sleeping with! Sullying yourself with _ Tell me, Don't you even bother for whom you're spreading your legs for?" He asked. I resisted the urge to hit him or do anything. But, his accusations got the best of me and I drew my wand.

"HOW DARE YOU?" I yelled.

"Now are you going to attack me?" He taunted. Stupid Ron.

"As a matter of fact, I am!" I said about to cast a painful hex when Ginny drew me back.

"What? Can't muster up the courage?" He asked.

"No. Why waste my energy on you? It's not even worth it" I said exhaling and apologising to a stricken Molly and about to leave.

"No. It's not because I am not worth it. It's because you know what you are. A crazy stuck up Bitch like Bellatrix! A cheap slag! Aren't you?" He threw those words at me like it was nothing. Like he didn't love me. Like I meant nothing. Like I was doing something wrong. Torturing me with the memories I was desperately trying to avoid.

"Avis" I muttered with my arm shaking. Ron's breath stopped suddenly. He looked scared to death.

"Mione ... No .." He said taking steps backwards. I followed him.

"Mione .. I'm your boyfriend, Your love, You won't do that to me." He pleaded. I gave out a crazed laugh that sounded foreign even to me.

"Not anymore," I said. His eyes were now wide.

"It's not new for you is it?" I said as he eyed the huge flock of birds looking extremely scared.

"No" He kept mumbling.

"Should have thought that before you said what you said," I said coldly. With one last look and a swish of my wand, I set the birds free.

"Oppungo," I said calmly and apparated; Just in time to glance at Ron attacked by my canaries.

* * *

**_1st September 1998, Tuesday, 8:45 A.M, The Burrow._ **

Now, when I saw him, his scars didn't seem to heal yet. I had a good laugh from all the tabloids attacking him asking what happened to his face outside the Ministry every single day. He owled me the very day I attacked him, ordering me to apologise to him. The nerve of that Git! Harry sent me another saying it wasn't right, shouldn't have done that in a fit of anger blah blah. No offence, Harry is daft. I already know when it comes to choosing me or Ron, it will always be Ron. I sent them both a howler saying to stick their wands up their asses and not to bother sending another letter because it was going into my fireplace. My house had anti intruder charms and everything that allowed only one person in and out and a cat. Me and my crooks by the way.

After that, all the sorry letters and cards, I received every morning were ghastly, too glittery and sloppy. Not ones that I would have actually liked. Definitely Ron's taste. I knew he was making an effort. A pathetic one though. Each one of them, signed by Ronald, I transfigured them. I pretty much managed to forge Harry's signature and signed them myself. Now those cards lie with the people who had to suffer losses in the war. Don't ask me how I got to know the list. Being friends with Minister Shacklebolt had its perks.

Now he looked like death warmed up and growing paler by every moment. Like I was going to launch another avian attack. No worries. This time it will be boils. Or my favourite. Slugs.

"Ronald. How are you? I'm happy to see the scars are healing. My canaries didn't give you much trouble did they?" I asked sweetly. George snickered.

"Mione .. I .. I'm sorry.." Ron mumbled. I lifted my hand to stop him.

"Have you gobbled up your breakfast yet?" I asked. He blinked.

"Uh. no" He said sounding surprised as his stomach rumbled. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"Go on. I will wait in the garden. Mr Weasley, Can you please help me with the trunk and Crookshanks? I suppose the car has arrived?" I asked.

"It's nice to see you too Hermione." He said laughing and coming over to hug me. Being with Ron sours my mood. Ever since that ghastly Sunday. Not to mention the number of times he tried to barge into my home and ended up with boils. He didn't try for the fifth time. The nasty amount of scars already spooked him out I say.

"I'm sorry Mr Weasley," I said as soon we were out of earshot. I felt guilty.

"You should be," He said. I couldn't meet his eyes.

"How many times should I remind you to call me Arthur? You should be sorry" He said laughing. I cracked a grin.

"It's not what I meant. I am sorry about last Sunday. I'm sorry I attacked your son. I lost my temper." I said.

"Mione... It was Ron's fault. You left before we could even have a conversation. I'm sorry for what Ron has said and done. I don't blame you. Neither does Molly. Neither does anyone else." He said levitating the luggage into the ministry cars. Another perk of being a war hero.

"Thank you," I said reaching to hug him. Arthur was like a father figure to me. I would be lying if I said he and Molly had dreams of me being their daughter in law. Me and Ron having a happily ever after ending. Now it was too late.

"I should get back. I need to talk to him" I said and offering him a smile.

"Hermione" He called out as soon as I took a few steps.

"Is .. is it futile to think you and Ron will reconcile?" He asked. I sighed. There it goes. I'm shattering Molly's wedding dreams. No offence who wants to wear Aunt Muriel's tiara. It's ghastly. It will get tangled in my hair.

"It is," I said. I saw him sigh. "I'm sorry Arthur. It was bound to happen. I couldn't just live with this. I love you all. I even love Ron. I would want nothing but you all as a family. But, It's Ron that's enough to keep me away" I told him. Though I knew no one will feel the same way after they find out my condition.

"I understand," He said finally and I walked away contemplating how to deal with Ron who would be ardently hoping for me to fall back into his arms.

* * *

I was absolutely right about Ron.

"WHAT? How is that even possible? We are still together" He argued.

"RONALD WEASLEY. FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME, I BROKE UP WITH YOU LAST SUNDAY. YOU DAFT GIT. GET OVER IT BEFORE I HEX YOU" I screeched like an owl.

"I sent cards. Harry said those work. I even begged you over that Teelephone thing! How can you do this to us?" He asked.

"It's called the Telephone. Ron .. We can't work. This thing we keep calling a relationship is nothing. I don't want this. I'm ending this. We are done" I said.

"Yeah? I call you a few words and that's it you end it?" Ron asked angrily.

"A few words? A FEW WORDS?" I thundered. He actually flinched.

"You called me a bitch, a slag and everything else that came to that thick head of yours? How am I supposed to deal with it? You accused me of cheating on you! Ridiculed every aspect of mine. Why should I forgive you? That's it If you want to save your ass, Come with me to the station, send Ginny and me off and we remain friends Ronald. Or else forget everything." I warned and drew my wand.

"Okay ..OKAY! PUT THAT WAND AWAY WOMAN" He shrieked. I gave a satisfied smile and said.

"I will be waiting for you in the car. Clear your head. Make it a point. We are not together okay?"

"You are a little scary sometimes.. You know?" He mumbled. I gave a smile in spite of everything he did.

"I know," I told him and went away.

The ride was pretty uneventful. Harry, Ginny, Arthur, Ron and I sat in perfect silence. Though occasional whispers between the lovers brought out disgusted looks from Ron and bile to my throat. Ginny had no intention to leave Harry. But there were Quidditch try-outs this season. Ginny was Quidditch captain as well. She didn't want to miss that opportunity. So she decided to complete her education as well as Quidditch coaching before falling into Harry's arms.

That was the reason she was accompanying me. No offence, I loved Ginny. She can be a bit temperamental when the time comes. And, she is quick to judge before she even knows the entire story. That's what I suppose is bound to happen once we both were left to our own devices. She will berate me about Ron.

* * *

**_1st September 1998, Tuesday, 10:45 A.M, Platform 9 ¾, King's Cross Station, London._ **

On the platform 9 ¾, I was tapping my foot and waiting impatiently for Harry and Ginny to split up. Nothing seemed to slow them down or break them apart. They had been talking sweet and kissing for what seemed like an hour. It was about to be 11 and I had already exchanged good byes with Arthur who was staring at shoes like they were the most important things in the universe and Ron(who very reluctantly accepted the status of our relationship, though looked like he had his doubts. He wasn't going to let go without a fight. Not a physical one.) looking at Ginny and Harry like they were Hagrid and Madame Maxime and not his sister and best friend.

"Oy! Will you both give it a rest? Snogging in public? It's disgusting" Ron yelled over the ruckus. Ginny whipped around to glare at her brother with hands on her hips and Harry nervously placing his hands on her shoulders to stop her from doing anything to Ron. Like casting a bat bogey hex.

"Where was that conscience when you were snogging Lavender like a bloody dementor? We had to see you and her everywhere attached to each other's hips like twins! I didn't hear a complaint about snogging then?" Ginny demanded.

Ron turned scarlet. Well, I far as I could decipher, How much Ron denied it, he enjoyed snogging Lavender more than me. Though how hilarious it seems now, It once was enough to hurt me bad. It did.

"I hate to agree with him but We are going to miss the train Ginny," I said as Ron gave me a grateful look. Ginny looked at the clock was seemed seconds apart from bursting into tears.

"Shh . .. I will be there for any Hogsmeade weekend. I promise" Harry cooed. I rolled my eyes. When did Ginny get this pathetic? Yep. Since last May. She almost lost it when Harry was declared dead. So did everyone.

I hugged Ron just out of courtesy. I was supposed to be mad at him. I was. But I didn't see the point in it. I was leaving anyway. I won't see him most of the time. He was still my best friend. I wanted him to be in peace. It was the last thing I could wish for him before I let loose another flock of canaries.

"Mione. I'm sorry" He said slowly looking genuinely apologetic. I sighed.

"It's okay Ron .. This relationship is over now anyway… But I wouldn't lose my best friend over this ... Not now .. not ever" I said hugging him tighter.

"I know. I will convince you .. I will make you mine again.. I will get you in the end" He promised. It didn't help. Honestly. I was no toy.

"That's highly impossible," I remarked detaching from him and catching his blue eyes. Ron was handsome. No point denying it. With his guy next door charms, he could get any girl he wants. I wasn't that. If being handsome was everything one should look for, then I won't find anyone who will actually find me beautiful. Not that I wanted someone to like me just for my appearance. I wanted someone who could keep up with me, share my dreams, passion, aims and everything else. Not one who mocked my every step.

"A bloke loves to have his chances Mione," Harry said engulfing me in an enormous bear hug.

"He wasted all his chances," I told him tersely. Harry just stood there smiling at me.

"Forget about him okay? Just have fun. I know you will sit all the time in the library getting on Madam Pince's nerves. But you must have completed everything for N.E.W.T'S right now judging by how much I know you. Just take care of yourself, Take time off okay? Stop worrying about everything. I promise we both will write to you every week. Okay, I will make Ron do it. And, Please look after Ginny too" He added in a low whisper at which I snorted.

"She is no child," I said laughing. He flashed me with a smile. Then his green eyes stared at me.

"Hermione... I know you will be angry if I told you this, But I really don't want you to go back" He muttered as the train gave out a warning hoot.

"Why?" I asked caught off guard.

"Ron, Well he spoke to me about you. We both heard you back in Grimmauld place... He .. He is coming back. I know it will affect you, But I can't just force you away from your ambitions" He said. I didn't understand why he was being so vague.

"He who?" I asked. But then Ginny started yelling at me to get on the train. It was about to be 11. I quickly kissed him and Ron who was standing nearby on the cheek. Arthur gave me a one armed hug and hurried me away before Harry could answer. The grim look on his face said whoever it was returning .. was in Harry's bad books.

* * *

**_1st September 1998, Tuesday, 2:04 P.M, Gryffindor Compartment, Hogwarts Express._ **

We managed to settle down with Luna and Neville hiding from people who tried to get our autographs or a chance to speak to us. Like we were celebrities. We were no Gilderoy Lockharts. The only reason we fought was to be alive. We fought to live. We never fought for fame. We fought to make our world a better place to live.

"Hermione, You have wrackspurts everywhere around you," Luna said dreamily watching me read my Transfiguration book with her spectrespecs.

"Oh ... Thanks for the warning" I said unable to find any other response. We had finished our lunch and even bought some treats from the Trolley. All those lie in my bag though. I couldn't get myself to eat them.

"Hermione, We need to talk," Ginny said. I took a deep breath and was about to start defending myself when she cut me off.

"I'm not blaming you. It was Ron's fault. I'm surprised that you stopped with the canaries. I would have hexed him off the face of the earth. He might be my brother, He had to right to say all that about you" Ginny said catching my hands.

"Thank you Ginny" I murmured.

"Mum was upset that you guys broke up anyway." She added drily.

"You and Ron broke up?" Neville asked sitting up suddenly. He had grown up quite well. Puberty hit him like Hogwarts Express though. Gone was the boy who was cute, fluffy and bullied. Now, No matter how much people deny, Neville was one of the hottest guys in Hogwarts. And not to mention his fall out with Luna, Girls swarmed him at every chance they got. Well, it's not every day that you find a guy who stands up to Voldemort. That's when hell freezes over.

"Yes. And I would rather like if you people kept that news to yourself. The last thing I need is more gossip" I warned.

"We agree though," Neville said quickly to avoid any argument. Then we sat in silence for probably a lot of time because I almost finished my book and started fishing for a novel.

Then the train came to a screeching halt making all of us jolt and jump. We scanned everything in a panic. We were supposed to be at Hogwarts in an hour or so. It was already dark. It reminded me of the third year. When the dementors came aboard.

"Is it the dementors again?" Ginny whispered as all of us clutched our wands desperately. The lights started to flicker and settled down to a dim shade. It was eerie.

"No.. I don't think it's the dementors. They were sent away. I don't feel the chill" I mumbled. Then stood up suddenly.

"Wait here. I will check on the driver and come back" I said.

"We will come with you," Neville said as we heard shouts and yells from other cabins.

"No. Take care of the ruckus here. Everyone is panicked. Just be alert. If anything goes wrong send me a Patronus" I said and they nodded.

People were running helter-skelter. This year, it was decided that there will be no prefects, head boy, head girl what so ever except for Quidditch captains who were with their friends as I don't see the point of just four people from different houses hanging out. It was just a year for students to catch up. And clearly, the lack of order showed up.

"Sonorous" I mumbled with my wand pointed at myself and yelled at the top of my voice. "SILENCE"

Thank Merlin. Everyone was silent. "Stay here. I will see what's wrong. Be ready with your wands everyone. Don't wander on your own" I said.

"Don't let anyone anywhere until you receive my Patronus.. Take help of other 7th and 6th years," I told Ginny who gave me a nod. I was about to go when she caught my hand. I turned to look at her in the feeble light.

"Be careful Mione?" She said. I grinned.

"Am I called the brightest witch of our age for nothing?" I asked putting up the walls around me again. She gave me a smile and left me to my own devices.

* * *

__ **_1st September 1998, Tuesday, 5:54 P.M, Hogwarts Express, Station: Unknown._ **

I went to the front compartments. Every where the older students were keeping others in check and my classmates were giving me subtle nods when I passed them. I acknowledged them and moved further. I reached the Slytherin cabin. My breathing halted. My wand arm shook a little and I hesitated to open the cabin door. Yet I did.

I was stunned at the number of students here. There were few. I recognised Parkinson, Zabini, Nott, Greengrass sisters, And even Goyle who were now staring at me like I had sprouted out another head.

"Granger" Nott drawled out leisurely.

"Nott," I said tersely and looked around. They were the ones who were keeping this compartment in check.

"Everything under control I suppose," I said.

"As you can see" He replied amused. I was amused as well. This was the only polite conversation I had with any Slytherin so far. Well, the looks Pansy and one of the Greengrass sisters wasn't amusing at all.

"Well, then .. I will leave" I replied and moved for the further compartments when Zabini halted me.

"The exit is the other way," He said staring at me in a way that made me uncomfortable. Did I mention that the Slytherin boys were bloody perfect? I didn't, did I? Well, the sly snakes were more than just hot. They could make your knees weak .. your head a mash and you a fluff ball. That is until and unless they open their mouth.

"I wanted to speak with the driver.," I said staring back at him. He gave me a well-practised smirk

"I wouldn't suggest going there is wise," He said.

"Unless you have anything more to add.. I'm going" I replied drily with my hand on the compartment door's knob.

"Well, then good luck," He said earning a few chuckles from Nott. I was tempted to ask what for but that's when the train shook and the cabin door opened. I lost my balance and tumbled back falling on my behind so hard that it stung. When I stopped wincing and the train stopped its jolts. I opened my eyes and they went wide. I was locked out of the compartments. The door was giving no signs of opening. I even tried alohomora. Nothing worked. I briefly considered Bombarda, but there were too many people on the train and it might cause them harm.

"Hey, Granger! Why in the name of Merlin did you lock this door?" I heard Nott yelling.

"It locked on its own. I'm stuck. Find a way to open it. I'm going to find the driver" I yelled back.

"Why should we listen to you bitch around?" Pansy snapped. I ignored her.

"Because if we don't, He won't be able to come back as well," A soft feminine voice said. A voice I didn't recognise. He who?

* * *

**_1st September 1998, Tuesday, 6:23 P.M, Prefects' Compartment, Hogwarts Express._ **

The lights were out completely. I went in to venture further. It started raining. I could hear the pitter patter of the rain and feel the coldness seep in. The foremost cabin was the empty Prefects' compartment. The only thing connected the train to the engine and driver. One more and finally I will reach that bloody driver.

The door creaked open. I stepped into complete darkness. No.., not darkness. It was what brought the voices. It honestly scared me. It was really cold here. Just a few minutes more, I said consoling myself. The voices started to surface. I was starting to panic. I heard screams. I heard taunts. I was starting to lose my conscious. It was terrible. I was on the verge of breaking down. It was like reliving it every time. Then started the pain and I gasped.

Finally, I heard the foot board creak. I stilled suddenly. I wasn't alone. My heart started pounding and the voices got louder and louder. I felt my magic create ripples in me. It was burning me. I was desperate to get out of this place. My mind stopped functioning altogether. I was about to go back when the door slammed shut on my face making me jump. I gripped my wand tighter ready to hex anyone out there.

I heard footsteps and instinctively took steps back. I was about to cast a painful hex when it happened. I was slammed against the door with a thud, Knocking me out of my breath and my wand tumbled out of my hands. My hands were pinned above my head in a bruising grip and someone was pressing me against the door with their body.

It was a guy. I came to that conclusion as soon as his body touched mine. It was hard and all muscle. The fingers that held my wrists weren't calloused. They were long and pampered. I was holding my breath. I finally let it out and the grip on my wrists tightened. I could smell a tantalising hint of sandalwood, leather and ..freshly mown grass. I wasn't fighting against him. Not because I was afraid. Because .. the voices… they stopped for the first time.

He leaned in, his breath fanning my face. It was warm like the rest of him. I couldn't help but lean in. It was like sunshine in this freezing coldness. I felt my magic stir. It was odd. It usually happened when I experienced something extreme. And it hadn't happened since many years.

Our foreheads were almost touching and I was hyper aware of how close I was to him. My breath was coming out in laboured gasps and my heart had caught on a new pace. What is happening? I thought as I closed my eyes drowning in his fragrance. It was making me heady. I was losing control. Over everything.

"Lumos" Murmured a velvety voice that sent shivers down my spine. All pleasant, all making my nerve endings scream in pleasure. When I opened my eyes. I was lost at that precise moment.

I was staring into deep mercurial grey eyes. They were like deep lustrous molten platinum taking my breath over. They were like the stormy sea on which ships sailed. Like the grey that remained when ashes burned. Like silver wisps of a Patronus. The Misty cauldrons down in the potions lab. Deep .. silver orbs locked onto my own brown ones. I was completely lost.

I took my time composing myself. It was hard with those eyes and that forehead resting ever so slightly against mine. I finally searched his face for any recollection and stifled a gasp.

"Draco?" I whispered so slowly that I even doubted he heard it. He moved away slowly. Never releasing my hands and scanned me. Head to toe. Then my face. His gaze stopping to stare into my eyes .. or my lips. I felt heat rise to my cheeks at his scrutiny.

"Draco?" I tried again. His eyes met mine again and he released my wrists slowly. The voices returned and I stumbled. He caught me in time.

"Are you okay?" He asked. His voice was not supposed to be this soothing or rich. It was making stop having any coherent thoughts. I winced. I looked at him. He .. seemed concerned. Then his hand lifted up to cup my cheek. I started feeling dizzy. My magic was stirring. Again. The voices stopped. But the fragrance was still heady and he was making me feel something I didn't even understand.

"Hey?" He shook me. I took one last look at him .. his eyes and his pale face. After that, I went limp in his arms and everything blacked out. 


	2. Nobody

**Author Notes:**

Hello, Everyone. I have been constantly working on the next chapter! Thank you, everyone, for the hits. I'm elated. Please comment. What ever on your mind type away. I'm more than eager to read them! Have fun. Nothing more to say! Except that you people have been amazingly supportive and I love you all! THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH.

Love,

Alex.

* * *

  **Disclaimer:**  I do not own anything. Harry Potter is all the property of J.K. Rowling. I'm just playing with her characters. I do not make any profit with this fan fiction.

* * *

  **Chapter 2: Nobody**

_**1st September 1998, Tuesday, 8:05 P.M, Prefects' Compartment, Hogwarts Express, Station: Unknown.** _

When I opened my eyes, there was a faint glow. Probably Lumos. I was very relieved. No more darkness. No more voices. No more dizzy spells. I was eternally grateful. My head felt blissfully blank. I felt relaxed after what seemed like months. I looked around taking in my surroundings. I had to screw up my eyes and stare into space for few very long moments before the wave of realisation hit me.

Where is he? And ..Blimey! Did I faint? What the bloody buggering hell! I sat up startled, knocking off something that fell on the floor of the Prefects' compartment with a resounding clank of metal.

"Aaaah" I heard a startled gasp and swiftly moved around towards the source of the sound. It was him. His shiny platinum blonde hair seemed to grow out and was now falling over forehead as he sat up on the bench. He looked somewhere between a person who just rolled out of bed and thoroughly shagged. I couldn't exactly take my eyes off him or talk anything. He was cradling his head in his hands and it seemed like he was panting. When had Draco Malfoy gotten this hot?

"Fuck! Granger, can't you be a little low?" He cursed. I didn't even open my mouth to reply anything.

"What? Why are you looking at me like I'm some Ghoul?" He asked lifting his head and staring back at me.

"You are him," I said suddenly. Harry .. Harry said he would be back. He is back. I couldn't speak as memories came rushing to me. The reason, Ron said, for which I was going back to Hogwarts .. No...

"I'm what?" He asked. He waited patiently for several moments before he finally stretched. He had grown. Gone was the pale, reedy ferret. Before me was 6 feet embodiment of pure stealth and muscle. My mouth went dry as I saw him stretch and flex his muscles under his sleek black robes that did not do any justice to hug those perfect pectorals or those strong thighs .. Wait ...what?

"Granger? Don't fucking pass out on me again, I'm telling you. I don't fancy you wrinkling my robes again" he warned, now standing up.

I was too busy fantasising about his thighs that I almost didn't hear him. What in the name of Merlin's saggy pants is wrong with me? This is Draco Malfoy. Draco Fucking Malfoy. And why am I wondering how he will look underneath his robes? He will always remain the foul loathsome evil little cockroach. Yes, I have my issues with him. I can't actually deal with those right now .. but this is extreme. Why am I even thinking about this?

"How long was I out?" I croaked finally.

"What? No angry retort? No quirky comments? Miss goody two shoes is still with us is it?" He taunted.

"Don't make me repeat myself, Malfoy," I told him with a stern glare.

"Back to Malfoy is it now? Before you passed out.." He stopped and gave me a look I couldn't decipher. "Probably an hour ago... You were moaning my name .. Draco... Draco and fawning all over me? What happened to that minx huh?" He said with a devilish smirk. If I wasn't this bloody embarrassed .. I would I definitely remarked he looked fan- fucking-tastically sexy. That's it. I have lost my mind.

"Why are you this cheerful?" I looked around. We were trapped. It stopped raining as well. It was evident. Why would Draco Malfoy, The pure blood extraordinaire sit with me, breathing the same air as Potter's muggle born?

"Why shouldn't I be?" He asked narrowing his eyes.

"You are trapped," I said. When he raised an eyebrow. "With me" I added. When he gave no answer I asked.

"Aren't you disgusted?" I asked. It sounded wrong to me as well.

"You sound like you are encouraging me to feel this is disgusting," He remarked. I opened my mouth to retort when he cut me off.

"Don't misunderstand me. I'm disgusted at this. In fact, I want to have a bath and throw my clothes away after this. But, right now, I have no choice but to look at that bushy head of yours, Beaver. The door is locked shut. And I can't seem to open it with any damn spell, So until and unless someone rescues us we are stuck. Though I can now proudly say I like Granger with her mouth shut, fainted and the gears in her head not turning. It's bloody peaceful." He said smoothly.

"You haven't changed a bit," I said shaking my head. He has. I knew. He didn't call me that horrible word since he saw me. He actually was helping me out. I suppose he was the one who lifted me up from the floor and made me sleep on the seat and even had the decency to throw a blanket on me. I never saw this day coming. Draco Malfoy was being nice to a muggle born.

"Why? SO that you could profess your undying love for me and fall over me again? Tell me, Granger, Why did you call me with my given name? I know I'm sexy and irresistible... But you could call me Malfoy as well? Did my name make your legs weak? Do I make you swoon? Because the rate at which you were throwing yourself at me, I'm lucky you didn't rip my clothes off" He said smirking again.

"I'm not interested in ripping your clothes off Malfoy. It is disgusting." I snapped. Why is he this bloody cheerful again? It was starting to get on my nerves.

"WHY?" He asked. It was my turn to smirk.

"Why? My my .. You sound disappointed to me Malfoy." I took a jab at him.

"Disappointed? My ass." He grunted. "Besides, I know you can't wait to throw your pure virginal self at me!" He said. "Isn't The Gryffindor princess the Ice Princess?" He asked smirking.

"I'm not Gryffindor Princess. .Wait... WHAT?" I sputtered.

"Tsk Tsk. I asked if you are still the prudish book worm of Hogwarts as pure as snow cause no boy dares to even approach you. Well, now you've comprehending difficulties as well? You don't you consult St. Mungo's Loony bin. Take that Lovegood girl as well. As far as I know, you won't find yourselves alone. Who's that? Yes. Longbottom!  Aren't Longbottom's parents there as well? Nice company you have" He jeered. I lost my control. I whipped out my wand marched to him.

"HOW DARE YOU?"I bellowed. He looked mildly amused. That's it.

"Flippendo" I screeched and Malfoy was thrown against the wall of the compartment. Before he could take out his wand. I was faster and jabbed my wand against his throat.

"One move and I will kill you" I threatened.

"You can try," He said with a sarcastic laugh. "The War Hero Hermione Granger can't kill anyone" He sneered narrowing his eyes at me. He didn't even look scared. I pressed my wand against him hard.

"Yeah? Try me" I challenged. He laughed again much to my chagrin.

"Definitely in the Loony Bin Granger. Don't you realise who you are threatening? One spell and I could show you an eternity of suffering" He said in a cold voice. That was unlike Malfoy. This wasn't normal for him and judging by his expression he wasn't lying either. He didn't attack me not because he couldn't. He didn't because he just didn't want to.

"How dare you stand here and laugh at it like it's nothing? Hasn't the war taught you anything?" I asked. His expression darkened.

"I don't find someone like you worthy of my time. I have no obligation to answer you either" He snapped.

"You are a Pig," I said disgustedly.

"Watch it" He snarled.

"You are. When you are insensitive to anyone's suffering! You don't know anything about me or Luna. And you have absolutely no right to talk about Neville's parents" I seethed.

"It's not my fault they are crazy" He retaliated. And my control snapped.

"It. All. Your. Bloody. Fault" I said punctuating each word with a deep breath trying to control myself.

"How so? Care to explain?" He said monotonously.

"It was her. IT WAS HER WHO TORTURED THEM. You and your sick family. That crazy woman destroyed lives of many people and you don't even bat an eye. Yes, How will you? You are her own flesh and blood. Blood is important to you, isn't it? It's her blood that runs in your veins. How can I expect you to be different? You aren't just a death eater Malfoy. YOU ARE A MONSTER. YOU AND YOUR FAMILY" I spat.

He stared at me hard with cold unforgiving stormy grey eyes and I raised my chin in defiance. I was about to cast a painful jinx on him when his eyes widened.

"What—" I was about to ask when he yelled "Duck!" and pulled me with him in a fluid motion on the floor flat knocking my breath away. There was a thundering explosion and the sound of glass breaking. Malfoy enveloped me in his arms and rolled over me. I closed my eyes and then there was a blinding flash and Malfoy's pained gasps. When it ended I opened my eyes and felt Malfoy's warm breath, in short, laboured gasps on my neck sending shivers down my spine.

"Are you okay?" He asked for the second time today. His voice sounded strained.

"I .. I'm fine. What.. what was that?" I asked detaching myself from him and sprawling on the floor beside him panting and adrenaline coursing through my veins.

"I don't have any fucking idea" He breathed out and stood up surveying everything. I sat up on my elbows trying to adjust to the sudden light. He extended his hand in a very gentlemanly gesture. I scowled at him and stood up on my own.

Then what I saw blew me away. The tinted window of the compartment was completely shattered, the glass splinters were everywhere. The moon light shone illuminating the compartment. It didn't have the usual seats. Just two wide seats and lot of empty space.

There were two blankets on each seat everything was covered in fine glass powder. But it didn't shock me. Behind us, on the very wall, I cornered Malfoy, There was a symbol. An odd head wear, probably a battle helmet or a mask I couldn't say. It was intricately carved and was set on fire. The black, yellow, red and orange mixing into each other and creating a fearsome picture to behold. The symbol burned brighter and brighter and suddenly faded. Words appeared on the wall.

**Caution from the Beyond. We will be watching you.**

And then words faded slowly. But my panic didn't. I was shell shocked. It was like the 2nd year. When the chamber was opened. We won the war! What is this?

"What .. What is happening?" I asked as the train shook suddenly and the lights started flickering again. I stumbled and Malfoy caught me in a flash.

"The train has started." He stated stonily staring outside. It had. The lights didn't return. I stood there shaken trying to decipher what the hell is going on.

"Who is this Beyond? Do you know anything?" I asked. He shook his head still staring outside.

"No." He said curtly and paused. "Granger, Don't speak about this to anyone" He warned. I choked.

"What? We were attacked and threatened Malfoy. We need to report this!" I cried.

"Just drop that Miss Goody two shoes attitude for a second and think. It is wise to be left like this. This is not right. Trust me" He snapped.

"Yeah, I will trust you when the hell freezes over Malfoy" I retorted.

"Can't you just pay attention for a second? Whoever it was, Didn't want to kill us. It was to hurt and threaten. This compartment, It was meant for someone else. Not us... See this. It's not how Prefects' compartment is. Someone else was supposed to be travelling with us" He said. It made sense.

"The threat wasn't meant for both of us as well. It was for either of us or none. It makes no sense" He said lost in thought.

"But it would be foolish not to report this," I said.

"Listen to me this time Granger. Whoever this is supposed for might be an ally or foe. We have no idea. So get this straight .. Shut up and sit for this time. Let me once look into this. If something else goes wrong you can go running to McGonagall like a cat whose tail is on fire" He told me coldly.

"One chance Malfoy." I agreed though I had no idea why I'm trusting this snake.

"Very well then," He said and moved forward to sit on the only seat which was largely unscathed.

I lifted my wand and concentrated. I needed to send a Patronus to Ginny and others. I always had trouble with this spell. Since the war, things only worsened.

I tried to conjure up my favourite memories. Times with Harry and Ron, in the Burrow with the Weasleys, With my parents, Nothing wasn't working. I tried harder.

"Just what are you trying to do Granger? You look like you have a dung bomb under your nose" Malfoy sneered and that's it. His voice was the trigger. The memories came rushing to me like a Typhoon. The war; anything and everything I feared. All the things I dreaded. My screams, echoing laughter. Wide, pained grey eyes. I hit the ground with a resonating thud sinking to the floor as my knees went limp as the voices returned with a vengeance.

"What the fuck!" Malfoy swore and rushed to me. Why was he even helping me? What is wrong with him? What is wrong with everything?

"Bloody Hell!  Granger!!! .Don't you dare faint!" He snapped.

"I .. I'm not collapsing Malfoy" I whispered in pain and he came forward and knelt by me and steadied me.

"What is the matter with you? Haven't you been feeding properly and sitting with books all day long?" He asked.

"I'm fine" I croaked.

"Fine my ass," He said and swiftly caught hold of my wrist with the intent of pulling me up. And I flinched. The voices stopped. Fuck! How is this happening?

"Granger?" He asked and dragged me to the seat and made me sit. His shook me for a moment and stared at me.

"Respond Damn it!" He yelled not releasing my wrist. It was clear. My brain wasn't foggy.

"Expecto Patronum" I yelled and a silver otter burst out from the tip of my wand. Beside me, Malfoy stiffened.

"Tell Ginny and others I'm safe but stuck. I will be back as soon as possible" I whispered and my otter jumped around sometimes and left.

"I'm fine Malfoy .." I assured him.

"Tell me? Are you going to faint again?" He asked.

"No. I would like to rest for a while though" I told feeling drowsy. Magic was costing me too much energy. It was unusual.

"I was resting when you woke me up by throwing whatever that was!" He snapped.

"Well, rest then" I mumbled and pulled the blanket over me and snuggling against the solid wall or something in my haze. I needed rest. My body was screaming with exhaustion. It always happened like this. Since, since that day. Every single bit of magic started draining me. Triggers always made me sleep. It made me disoriented. It was only a few hours before I woke up screaming.

"What— " Malfoy started but I had already drifted off.

* * *

_**1st September 1998, Tuesday, 9:54 P.M, Prefects' Compartment, Hogwarts Express, 30 Km from Hogsmeade station.**_

I woke up to screeching and jerks. I hadn't slept like this in a year. Oh, my... It was the best sleep. It felt too comfortable. The seat wasn't supposed to be this soft. I snuggled close and as soon as I was hit with the sandalwood aroma I was jolted awake.

I fell asleep in his arms. His hand was over my shoulders and my head rested on his broad sculpted chest. Merlin. His chin rested on my hair and he appeared to be sleeping as well. The blanket was spread on both of us. And heaven forbids, it felt so incredible. Even before I could stop staring and move away from him, there was a loud screech and the cabin door burst open and showed many faces. I heard startled gasps, shocked squeals and disgusted grunts.

"GET AWAY FROM HER" Neville bellowed and strangely looked like he was facing Voldemort again.

"Expelliarmus" Yelled Ginny, Neville and who I think was Dean, and suddenly Malfoy was flung across the compartment and I ended up on the floor.

"WHAT?" Malfoy woke up seeing around alarmed. His expression was something of an extreme pain and he looked like he had split his lip.

"HOW DARE YOU EVEN GO NEAR HER!" Neville yelled and went on to attack Malfoy when I got up in a flash and flung myself before Malfoy with my arms stretched to my sides.

"What in the devil's name is going on here?" I asked furiously.

"He was .." Neville said gulping. Before he could even finish Ginny came charging like a bull.

"He was about to hurt you! What are you doing with the likes of him?" She screeched and was being held back by Dean.

"We were trapped. And keep it down both of you. You are making a scene. I will explain later" I said. No matter how much of an arse he was, He still helped me today. Which was odd.

"You both were sleeping snuggled like kittens! Isn't that enough to make a scene?" Ginny spat. I flinched. She broke free of Dean's hold and started moving towards Malfoy who looked ready to kill.

"Ginevra Molly Weasley, Take one more step it won't be good. STOP! He didn't harm me! I'm extremely fine! Ginny.. PUT THAT WAND DOWN!" I said pulling her away. I'm no fan of Malfoy. He wasn't to blame now. I didn't have the slightest idea of what he was doing here.

"Are you sure he didn't do anything?" Ginny asked angrily.

"Not a scratch Ginny. Stop it!" I reasoned.

"I will take your word for it. Now let's go" She said calming down.

"But .." I said turning back to Malfoy who was now wiping the blood off his chin and wincing clutching his head.

"But what?" Ginny asked.

"He is hurt .. We can't just leave him like that," I said.

"His Slytherin friends are on their way here," Neville said.

"But..." I said

"Are you seriously going stay here and help this spineless bastard rather than come with us?" Ginny questioned sharply.

"I .." I faltered.

"Hermione! We need you! One of the students is hurt! Hit with some jinx. He is bleeding badly! Come! You too Ginny!" Said Seamus running to us and panting. His hands seemed coated with blood and he looked horror stricken.

"But .. Malfoy!" I said again.

"Come! Now! The situation is going out of hands!" Seamus cried.

I looked at Malfoy who was staring at me with the unreadable expression again. He was unbelievably kind to me today, though he had his moments. His grey eyes were piercing me. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I can't just leave him here.

"Come on," Ginny said dragging me with her. I stared at him helplessly. He stood up finally, stumbling a bit and I almost jerked off from Ginny's grip on my arm.

He met my eyes and gave a curt nod and that 'I don't give a fuck' smirk. Neville gave a disgusted grunt. But I knew that Malfoy was putting up the facade. I did it every day. The Malfoy I knew would have killed everyone present in the room by now. He would have retaliated, lashed out, Hell even fought back. This one just shrugged and accepted this treatment.Then I knew Malfoy had really changed. The War had broken Draco Malfoy as well. Nobody was left unmarred. I thought. And I had no idea why this was bothering me. But when Ginny finally managed to drag me out, That moment I swear what I saw in eyes was .. Longing.

* * *

**End Notes:**

Well .. this is it then. Thanks for reading everyone. Kudos and subscriptions are keeping me alive !! THANK YOU

Love,

Alex.


	3. Scars

**Author Notes:**

Hello, Everyone! Thank you for your support! I appreciate the comments, kudos and everything. Do read and comment! And I'm sorry to say, the updates might not be as regular as they are now because I'm busy and really can't spare time! Thank you so so so much for all the hits and comments again!

Love,

Alex.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything. Harry Potter is all the property of J.K. Rowling. I'm just playing with her characters. I do not make any profit with this fan fiction.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Scars.**

_**1**_ _ **st**_ _ **September 1998, Tuesday, 10:22 P.M, Gryffindor Compartment, Hogwarts Express, 25 Km from Hogsmeade Station**_.

It was extreme chaos by the time I reached the Gryffindor compartment. People were swarming over a limp body.

"Move over" I yelled over the crowd's noise and people scattered. I stifled a gasp. The boy had deep carved cuts and gashes all over him. He was unconscious. Luna was leaning by his side and cleaning his wounds. His white shirt seemed soaked with blood. Nobody even changed into their Hogwarts robes. We had too much going on. The boy was probably of 5th year. Maybe Ravenclaw. He seemed barely breathing. His hands and legs were giving involuntary twitches. And judging by the awkward angle of his leg, he seemed to have broken quite a few bones.

"Why haven't you tried any healing charms on him?" I asked rushing over to him.

"We tried. We couldn't manage. I tried to heal his wounds as well. But as we close one, more open up" Padma Patil answered. I even understood the unsaid statement. You kept Harry and Ron alive. You are a war hero. You can do this. They looked up to me to do this.

"Let me try," I said hesitantly and earned a few concerned looks.

"Terego," I said and dried blood vanished. The bleeding started in a few seconds again.

"What—" I started. I had just made the dried blood vanish. Why is it bleeding again?

"He was found with this" Dean said pointing at something black. I peeped to look at it. It was a half burnt mask, the same one I saw on the wall. The Beyond. No... It can't be.

Dean was about to pick it up when I yelled: "DON'T TOUCH IT!" Everyone flinched.

"It's cursed" I mumbled breathlessly.

"Cursed?" Ginny asked. "But he isn't floating in the air, is he? Like Katie?"

"I have read about them, It's not always flying," I said thinking how this mask came into his hands and how to deal with it. There was no Snape now.

"Hermione!" Padma shrieked catching my attention as the boy started twitching uncontrollably and coughing up blood. I lost my nerve.

"DO SOMETHING!" Neville yelled as people started creating a rampage. I was thinking. What? what .. is even happening. He looked like... he was being tortured. He was turning ..Blue? What? He wasn't able to breathe!!!

"Anapeno!" I bellowed with my wand pointed straight at him and Dean jumped out of the way.

The boy's uncontrollable spasms slowed down and he started turning to a pale shade of white. He was losing a lot of blood. I had to do something.

"Luna, Bandage all his wounds and Ginny, cast a Ferula on his leg. It must hold his leg for a while." I said running off to find my bag pack

"Where the fuck is my bag!" I roared and Neville shrank back from me. I sighed. The voices were swarming me again. 

"Where is my bag?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Here," Parvati said slowly and carefully returned the bag. I rummaged in it for my little-beaded bag which miraculously kept the three of us alive. My hand was shaking. It was like Ron splinching all over again.

"Accio Essence of Dittany," I said and the small vial of my replenished supplies flew to my hand.

"Here" I thrust it into Parvati's hands "Apply this on his wounds. A very little would suffice"

"Neville, feed him this to replenish blood," I said handing him over my bottle of blood replenishing potion.

"Do you think it would work?" He asked.

"It did for Ron and Harry. We have to keep him alive for now. Until we can get help. Until we reach the castle. It's the last thing I could do for him" I said shaking my head.

Luna, Padma, Parvati, Ginny and Neville were tending to the boy. While others were scurrying around.

"Move," I said slowly parting the crowd around the mask.

"Hermione... it's glowing," Seamus whispered in panic.

"Stay away" I commanded. "Bring a bag, box or anything to keep this thing," I said hurriedly.

"I have a sweets box .. will it work?" Terry Boot asked me hesitantly noticing my bad mood.

"Anything" I muttered. "Wingardium Leviosa," I said lifting up the glowing mask. "Fast!" I yelled as I felt the mask fighting against my hold.

"STAND BACK," I said to the surrounding crowd who parted instantly. Terry opened the box and I levitated the mask which was now twitching uncontrollably. Terry looked horror stricken.

I was about to close the lid of the box and seal it magically when the mask glowed and words appeared on it and my heart stilled.

_**We are watching you.** _

It would be an understatement if I fainted. I froze without any moment. The beyond. This is serious. I had to report this. But Malfoy claimed he would see to it.  Why should I trust him with this? He is a death eater! He was responsible for Dumbledore's death, he let death eaters in. But .. he isn't the spoiled prat I knew anymore. He seemed matured enough. I had to speak to him.

"Hermione?" Terry asked hesitantly.

"Yes?" I asked snapping out of my haze and blinking.

"The box?" He said meeting my eyes questioningly.

"Oh .. yes .." I said sealing it shut. "Place it in an empty cabin," I told. Terry fumbling slightly, did it. The box seemed vibrating.

"Protego Horriblis" I cast on the cabin and shut the door with Colloportus.

"Let's get out this compartment. Come on .." I told as I saw the box started giving out tendrils of black from it.

"Don't let people go out of your sights. Come on, Move!" I yelled and every one of us scattered and hurried to the Ravenclaw compartment. I helped to levitate the boy, Austin was his name, to the other compartment.

* * *

_**1**_ _ **st**_ _ **September 1998, Tuesday, 10:52 P.M, Ravenclaw Compartment, Hogwarts Express, 17 Km from Hogsmeade Station**_.

I could tell it easily. People were scared. They sat huddled with their possessions hugged to their chests. Everyone looked worn out. Many had wrinkled clothes and dusty appearance from all the relocating. I sat with my head cradled in my hands thinking what is happening again?

"How is he?" I asked Luna as soon as she came out of the cabin

"Stable. Alive. The blood replenishing potion is working. He should be able to hold up for few hours" Luna replied in a dreamy voice twirling her dirty blonde hair.

"Luna, You have blood all over you," I said getting up.

"I know." She replied.

"Let me clean it for you," I said made an attempt to move towards her and winced at the throbbing in my head

"Thank you, Hermione. But you need rest. Too many wrackspurts" She said.

"You can see them without your spectrespecs as well?" I asked.

"I don't need them to tell you're disoriented and gloomy Hermione" She replied without any emotion like she always does.

"I'm going back. Do you need anything?" She asked.

"Uh," I said at a loss for few moments.

"Well. Bye Hermione" Luna said bouncing towards the door.

"Wait .. Luna! Will you please ask the people who first found Austin and mask to come to me please?" I requested.

"Sure" She chirped

"Luna, Do you need some Murtlap essence for Austin?" I asked

"It would be nice." She replied. I gave her the essence and she went away humming an eerie tune earning many looks.

A while later came in Michael Corner, Ernest Macmillan and with a polite knock Anthony Goldstein. Corner had a scar on his temple probably due to the Carrows last year. Not to mention Goldstein looked quite hot with his blue eyes and Blonde hair now all standing up.

"You called us?" Corner asked.

"Yes, I wanted to ask about Austin. Forgive me for not approaching you, I have a bit of a headache" I apologised.

"It's okay." Goldstein offered me a smile.

"Thank you. Back to the point, How did Austin find the mask?" I asked.

"How do you know it is a mask?" Corner asked sharply.

"It is. Unless you didn't see it properly" I said meeting his gaze.

"It is a piece of parchment." Corner argued.

"No. As far as I remember ... It was a cup" Goldstein said frowning.

"I thought it was a bird," Macmillan said. All of us fell silent for a moment.

"It sounds like a boggart to me. But I never heard cursed boggarts and I'm not afraid of masks .." I reasoned.

"I'm not afraid of parchment either. Austin went out. A while ago. He said his kneazle escaped. He promised to return in a moment" Corner said.

"And you just let him go? When I specifically asked you not to let anyone out of your sight?" I questioned.

"Austin is a good kid. He never caused any trouble. He stayed away from all types of excitement and adventure. Hell, the kid doesn't even play Quidditch. Why couldn't I trust him?" Corner reasoned leaning back.

"He didn't return for quite some time. His friend came to us reporting his absence. We were searching for him everywhere when Ernie came running to us" Goldstein said.

"I found him lurking in the shadows talking to himself. He saw me and did something that looked like throttling himself. His kneazle ran away from us. Then he took out that cursed object, whatever it was, to me a bird, out of his pocket" Macmillan narrated.

"The bird started glowing and started producing all sorts of weird sounds. I yelled at Austin repeatedly to let go. He didn't. He was laughing. His eyes were glazed and I was terrified. I was about to call for help when he said something .." Macmillan faltered.

"What did he say?" I asked.

" _Behold our Might_ " Ernie muttered.

* * *

_**1**_ _ **st**_ _ **September 1998, Tuesday, 11:55 P.M, Ravenclaw Compartment, Hogwarts Express, Hogsmeade Station**_.

After that Austin lifted the bird and kept it on his face which again proves I was right. It was a mask. Then he ended up in a pool of blood. Goldstein and other had to haul him into the train. They had gloves on to keep their hands warm. They weren't cursed. The mask fell on the ground when the train suddenly started and people were too scared to touch it when Macmillan said what Austin did with it.

None even had the slightest idea how he ended up near the Hufflepuff compartment on the side entirely opposite to which he got down. By the time we reached Hogwarts, I was ready to faint again. I had a terrible Migraine. Nobody even questioned me about the happenings with Malfoy. I didn't even see him for the rest of the journey though I was itching to seek him out and question him about everything. Starting from his return to this.

Professor McGonagall and many faces I recognised greeted us at the station. Professor Flitwick, Professor Sprout, Professor Slughorn, Hagrid came to us looking extremely panicked.

"Hagrid please escort the children back to the castle. We just have to cancel the journey across the lake" Professor, Now Headmistress McGonagall replied. No one even dared to object.

"Please Everyone, Change into your robes and be there for the feast. There are announcements to make" Professor told us. There were many groans.

"I know you all are tired. But it's important to have your dinner" Professor Sprout offered.

"I have no appetite what so ever" Ginny mumbled. She looked extremely tired with her hair dirty and clothes even torn at places. I briefly wondered that I must be looking like a beast with my hair.

"Professor. A boy, 5th year Ravenclaw, he is hurt" I told her and Professor seemed slightly taken aback.

"Hurt?" She asked peering at me through her square spectacles.

"He has been cursed. Some unidentified object when the train halted in the middle. We managed to check his vitals and keep him alive. I really don't want to discuss this now. We must hurry and take him to Madam Pomfrey or to St. Mungo's" I replied quickly.

Professor gave me a curt nod and followed me as others left with Hagrid. Luna was still tending to him. Professor McGonagall flinched slightly when she saw Austin.

"Oh, Merlin" Professor Sprout muttered.

"Take him to Madam Pomfrey, Pomona. Miss Lovegood, You go as well" She said.

"Miss Granger, Where is the cursed object?" She asked.

"In the Gryffindor compartment," I replied and showed her the place.

"I sealed it shut in a box and cast some shield charms .." I muttered.

"Good thinking Miss Granger. 50 points to Gryffindor" She said.

"Everyone else helped as well," I said.

"Even the Slytherins?" She questioned. I fell silent. They didn't even turn up after what happened to Malfoy.

"Filius take this back to the castle please, Ask for Howard as well." Professor McGonagall asked.

"Horace, Please talk to the driver and make sure everything in the castle has been arranged," She said.

"Howard is taking care of the arrangements" Professor Slughorn replied.

"Howard?" I asked turning to Professor McGonagall.

"Professor Howard Whitfield. The new Defence against dark arts teacher." She answered. Great. Another one. Then it hit me.

"Was he the one supposed to travel in the Prefects compartment?" I asked and Professor McGonagall blanched.

"Yes. How do ...you ... Never mind. You amaze me Miss Granger truly" Professor Slughorn said and left. 

On our way back I told Professor McGonagall my version of the story in the carriage. Everyone could see the thestrals now. She was becoming more and more stern with every moment

"Miss Granger, Great Hall, in 10 minutes," She said and left. I was about to go to Gryffindor common room when Neville pulled me aside.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"Common Room.," I said surprised.

"There is no place in the common rooms. They are filled with the new 1st years and 2nd years. They have arranged us new housing facilities" He said.

"New Housing what?" I said and was floored the moment I saw it.

On the other side of the castle near the Broom sheds, there was a new building. With two towers it looked a lot like mini Hogwarts.

"What the hell?" I said.

"It's for 7th years exclusively! We get our rooms as well. There are the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw towers. Hufflepuff and Slytherin share the dungeons. There is a collective common room for all houses as well" He explained.

"Go on. Our names are written on the doors. They are password protected. Each one of them. It's awesome" He said and left me to my own devices.

He was absolutely right. I had my room on the topmost wing. It was the only room in the entire corridor. The room was guarded by an otter portrait.

"Jean" I set the password after my mum's name. The portrait swung open revealing the beautiful apartment. It was spacious and luxurious with many arm chairs, couches, a love seat, plush rugs, a nice fire place, A cosy window sill and a huge book shelf. It even had Wooden cabinets, tables for writing, Tea tables, Few Empty portraits, Plants. It was all decorated in red and gold. Made me feel like our Gryffindor common room. There was a tiny kitchen as well. I was surprised. Weren't we supposed to have food in the Great Hall? My culinary skills improved greatly due to Molly and my mum's cook books.

The bathroom was even larger than my own house's. The bed room was even more fantastic. I didn't have words to describe it. It had a large bed. (Really large) Another fire place, A grandfather clock. Cabinets, wardrobes, a chaise lounge, a cherry wood dresser and a nice regal mirror, Night stands, Candle stands, A rocking chair. All in deep burgundy and red colours. It looked so cosy that I just wanted to roll on the bed and sleep. Crooks was already asleep in his bed. Lucky cat.

* * *

_**2nd September 1998, Wednesday, 12:32 A.M, Great Hall, Hogwarts.** _

When I finally dressed up and came to the great hall, My legs were aching. It was a long way. Every seemed to be already there. I quickly sat beside Ginny who offered me a smile. The sorting was completed. I missed it.

"How are the rooms?" She asked.

"Fantabulous," I said grinning.

"Obviously, Neville isn't shutting up since he came," Dean said laughing. The feast had already begun. I quickly started eating. Hogwarts was home and the food was Heaven. I was still planning to continue S.P.E.W. But, I had to eat, hadn't I? And elves seemed so happy about cooking. Harry had it drilled into me along with some quips from Ron. 

I couldn't resist looking over to the Slytherin table. There he was prodding at his food half-heartedly and nodding monotonously as Parkinson was fawning over him. He wasn't listening though. His gaze was fixed on a brunette with pale blue eyes taking to the elder Greengrass sister, Daphne across the table. Pansy followed his line of sight and scowled. She whipped around to talk to Zabini glaring at Malfoy occasionally.

"Who is that?" I asked Ginny pointing at the brunette. Ginny who was busy talking to Parvati looked at her answered distracted.

"That's Astoria Greengrass, Daphne Greengrass's sister. 5th year" She replied.

Both Astoria and Daphne were strikingly beautiful. Though Daphne's blonde hair and blue eyes gave her a regal look, Astoria's soft brown locks and pale blue eyes made her look feminine and extraordinarily pretty. The sisters laughed merrily catching the attention of many boys. Neither of them seemed to notice anyway. Malfoy never once stopped staring at her. It made me uneasy.

"Welcome to another year at Hogwarts," Headmistress McGonagall said catching all the attention. Except Malfoy's who now seemed more interested in pulverising the carrots in his plate.

"Well, I hope you all enjoyed the Start of Term Feast." There were collective hmms. "I'm extremely sorry for the delay. The train had to encounter some technical disturbances. The driver sends his apologies. And as for Mr Samson, he is perfectly fine for now, He is going to be shifted to St. Mungo's tomorrow. This year is going to be different. As we have already mentioned in the letters, all disciplinary posts like Prefects have been annulled for this year. Quidditch captains being the exceptions. And keeping in view of the recent events, The 7th years have been given their own quarters by the Broom sheds and Quidditch stadium. We have even provided them with an opportunity to live on their own, and even a kitchen to cook, as transport to Great Hall is a little problematic. We intend to serve the food there itself if needed until we make further arrangements. And I would also like to take the opportunity to introduce your new Defence against Dark Arts teacher, Professor Howard Whitfield."

Stood up a guy in his mid 40's with chestnut hair arranged stylishly over a pointed, friendly with piercing black eyes, not unlike Snape. He was tall, with a strong athletic build. To me, he looked more a Quidditch player than Professor. There was something curious about him. No doubt he was handsome. Except for the marring scar that stretched over his pale left cheek.

"He looks hot," Ginny remarked.

"He is our Professor Ginny" I answered giving her a pointed look.

"So what? Is there a rule not to check out Professors? No one batted an eye when Lavender fawned over Firenze" She said.

"Touché, Where is Lavender anyway?" I asked. The girl miraculously survived the werewolf attack. She was fine now. No werewolf symptoms and everything. She was extremely lucky.

"The other end of the table," Ginny said.

"Good" I muttered. The girl never forgave me for taking her Won Won from her.

"Let us all raise our goblets to the loved ones lost in the war. In honour of Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley and many other brave people who fought in the battle and had to suffer losses for a better future. My heartfelt condolences to everyone and I request every one of you to participate in the rebuilding of the castle. We have incurred huge losses due to battle. The ministry had been kind enough to donate funds and not to mention the huge donations from our War heroes," With a slight nod towards me. "We are happy to announce that with your support we will have Hogwarts back to its original glory in no time. To New Beginnings everyone!" Professor McGonagall said raising her goblet. Everyone cheered. Except for the Slytherin 7th years, who just looked impassive.

"Everyone can head to their common rooms. Heads of your houses will guide you. Also, Professor Slughorn has kindly agreed to fill in the post of Potions Master and as head of Slytherin house and I am continuing as the Transfiguration Professor with Professor Sinistra agreeing to be the head of Gryffindor house. I request the 7th and 6th years to kindly gather in my office. Rest of you can leave. Have a pleasant night" She said.

* * *

_**2nd September 1998, Wednesday, 1:06 A.M, Headmistress Office, Hogwarts.** _

When we had finally gathered in her office, It was past midnight and we were extremely tired. To my surprise, the even Malfoy showed up looking as bored as ever with Parkinson on his arm. Professor McGonagall eyed us sternly and said.

"Miss Granger, can you re tell the events of today's train ride?" She asked.

"Sure," I said hesitantly and launched into my version of the story. When I had finished, Everyone looked uneasy.

"Anything more to add anyone?" She asked. A few people had to add a thing or two about my absence. Then Macmillan and others recited their story of Austin's attack. Professor grew paler by every moment. It turned out, no one even read the message on the mask. I told her about the shape changing illusion. She seemed to accept the mask theory, Though both of us wondered briefly why it was visible only to me.

"Anyone has any ideas on who might have slipped this cursed object to Austin?" Professor McGonagall asked scanning all of us standing in a semi circle around her table which was once Dumbledore's and Snape's.

"Who else is famous for giving away cursed objects to everyone?" Dean asked with a sarcastic laugh. And my stomach dropped.

"Mr Thomas care to elaborate?" Professor asked with narrowed eyes.

"He is the one! He was the one who gave Katie the cursed necklace!" Dean shouted pointing at Malfoy who looked at him stonily. The other Slytherins like Nott and Zabini openly glared at him.

"Mr Thomas—" Professor McGonagall started but Seamus cut her off.

"Why he is here? WHY ARE DEATH EATER SCUM HERE! He is supposed to be Azkaban! He is the reason for all this! He deserves to be punished!" Seamus yelled. Many others had the same opinion as well. I saw Ginny and Neville voicing their opinion as well. Luna remained expression less. There was a chorus of yes and rights. I knew Malfoy's return was a surprise, that he was a death eater and cannot be trusted, but it was cruel to treat him like shit. Nott looked so furious that Zabini had to restrain him.

"MR. FINNIGAN! I will not tolerate this kind of indiscipline. 20 points taken from Gryffindor. And as for Mr Malfoy, He is clear of all his earlier proven charges and is here on my request." She glared at us as every one of us blanched. Her wand arm was twitching. She was uncomfortable. Something was off. Why is Malfoy here where everyone wants him dead? Why does Professor want him here?

"Mr Malfoy wishes to complete his final year. He will not be any trouble and as for your accusations," She said with a pointed stare at Finnigan "He is innocent until proven guilty! Do you have any proof?" She asked.

"No .. but" Dean started.

"Mr Malfoy where were you when Mr Samson was attacked? Were you in the Slytherin compartment? Do you have any witnesses for your presence?" Professor McGonagall asked. I knew that Nott was going to lie when I saw the determined look on his face but Malfoy shook his head.

"No," He said simply. Professor McGonagall looked momentarily shocked. My heart rate sped. I didn't tell them about the Prefects' compartment. I merely mentioned that I was trapped. No one questioned though Ginny gave me a curious look.

"Where were you then?" She questioned.

"I went to search for the driver." He said. My heart was beating faster every second and I knew by now I would have turned an unhealthy shade of white.

"Did you find him then?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"No. I was trapped in the Prefects' compartment" He said.

"Do you have any witnesses?" She asked. I turned cold. He didn't answer.

"Mr Malfoy, Do you have any witnesses?" She asked again after several moments.

"He doesn't have any! Ask anyone of the Slytherins! He disappeared an hour before Austin's attack!" Corner shouted with a triumphant grin.

"Is it true?" She asked. Many 6th years nodded. 7th years glared openly. They protected Malfoy.

"Mr Malfoy, Due to lack of witness,  I have to .." She started.

"I was with him," I said and the entire room fell silent.

"What?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"I said, I was with him when Austin was attacked. I .. I was stuck with him in the Prefects' compartment" I said earning many disbelieving looks.

"Miss Granger, if you are just saying it to save Mr Malfoy.." Professor McGonagall said.

"I have no reason to save him. I'm telling the truth. I didn't mention it earlier because I didn't expect this sort of accusations to crop up. You can even ask Ginny, she was one of the people to rescue us. Dean was there as well" I said. Malfoy was staring at me with an unreadable expression. Why exactly was I saving him?

"Is it Mr Thomas?" She interrogated. Dean faltered.

"Yes," He mumbled. I was debating whether to tell Professor McGonagall about the other incident or not. About the Beyond. Unfortunately, she caught my troubled expression.

"Is there anything you wish to tell me, Miss Granger?" She asked. I looked at Malfoy who looked at me with an unfathomable expression. It was against my very nature ... It was all wrong ... It was foolish. But I did it just because he asked me to.

"No Professor. Nothing" I said clearly. Malfoy's surprised expression that was quickly schooled by a look of indifference didn't go unnoticed by me.

"Then, It is clear that Mr Malfoy is not one to be blamed for this incident. Thank you for the information. Good night everyone" That's Professor McGonagall throwing us out of her office in style.

People threw me looks that said I betrayed them. I managed to escape without Ginny cornering me. Neville and others dragged Seamus and Dean from attacking the Slytherins. I waited till all the noises died down, sitting on the window sill and looking at the view of entire Hogwarts and crept downstairs with my wand.

* * *

_**2nd September 1998, Wednesday 2:47 A.M, Slytherin Dungeons, The New Castle, Hogwarts.** _

I searched the doors .. almost getting twice by Zabini and Nott and finally found the door with Draco Malfoy label on it. I was eternally grateful that Harry gave me the Marauder's map saying it would be more useful to me. He even offered the invisibility cloak. I convinced him that his Auror training needed it. I stood for many moments before the door with the beautiful dragon portrait weighing the pros and cons. I finally gathered up enough courage to knock on the door. My heart was thundering in my chest. The door swung open.

"Come in," Said a rich voice. I stepped in to take in the surroundings. His room was different than mine, with dark green and black and occasional silver. It looked classy, rich, Royal. But it wasn't the room that left me gaping.

Before me was Draco Malfoy clad in Muggle jeans. Only in jeans.

My mouth went dry. In my line of sight was Malfoy's muscular back and statuesque frame. He wasn't just well built. He had a perfectly chiselled chest with the right amount of muscle and a scandalous v line as well. His muscles rippled and flexed with every breath of his. A toned body with that complexion, I was swooning. It was a miracle that I wasn't drooling. He was a true Greek god with that body of his. It took all my self-control not to jump on him. What is going on with me?

His back wasn't flawless. It was covered with many little scars. They were fresh. Did it look something similar to.. Glass? Today's events replayed in my mind. I gasped. He was hurt while trying to save me during the explosion. I felt guilty. He had to suffer for saving me.

And he heard my gasp and whipped around startled. He was trying to pick out the pieces of glass from his skin and was evidently struggling.

"Granger?" He asked extremely surprised. I was positively drooling at the sight of his bare chest. I managed to close my mouth. What is wrong with me? I was here for something else, wasn't I? What is it?

"What are you doing here at this hour of the night?" He asked not bothering to cover himself up.

"Uh," I said unable to form coherent sentences.

"Granger!?" He snapped apparently annoyed.

"Huh?" I asked startled.

"Do I need to spell it out for you?" He asked.

"I came to thank you" I mumbled the only thing that came to my mind. He was thrown off guard.

"Thank me? For what?" He asked.

"For saving me. For helping me out today." I said.

"You already repaid that by saving my ass before McGonagall anyway," He said suspiciously.

"It was the truth. I stood by the truth" I replied. He seemed to buy that. His expression was again unreadable. Why was he so bloody difficult at times?

"So ... " He said waiting for my gratitude.

"Oh .. Yes... Thank you very much" I said hurriedly taking my eyes off his chest. He noticed it and gave me another smirk. His split lip wasn't healed yet.

"You are welcome Granger though don't make a habit of expecting me to save you. And eyes off my chest, please. Can't have you drooling can we?" He said grinning and turned away.

"Ugh" I made a disgusted noise and stood there awkwardly as he again struggled to heal himself. He noticed my prolonged presence and frowned.

"Granger? You made your point. You even thanked me, didn't you?" He asked turning to face me again.

"Uh yes" I replied hesitantly. Then he glared at me.

"Then what are you even waiting for? GET OUT!" He snarled.

"I wanted to help you in healing those wounds" I blurted out. He was surprised again. But in a matter of seconds, was fuming.

"OUT" He growled, shoving me out of the door.

"Listen to me!" I pleaded. He didn't. "Malfoy! It will just last a few minutes! It's my fault you are hurt! Consider this a favour for saving me!" I reasoned. He stilled.

"You can't do this by yourself. And I know you won't go to Madam Pomfrey. Let me help you! I won't tell anyone. I swear.. Besides, it needs potions to heal! You can't prepare them by yourself! I have some supplies! They work! Austin is healing" I promised. He seemed to think.

"5 minutes" He growled. I grinned.

"5 minutes" I agreed. Then he proceeded to sit on the black love seat. I stood there frozen again.

"Granger? the clock is ticking!" He lashed out impatiently.

"Uh OK! Accio Wound-cleaning potion" I said and walked towards him.

"Malfoy? Do you have some clean cloth and something to wash with?" I asked. He nodded curtly and brought me towels and even bandages. And a bowl of warm water.

I managed to Accio the supply from my room thanks to the open window. I sat there contemplating where to start. I had a pair of forceps. Mum always said it was really good to carry a first aid kit with a floss. Dentists them. I sterilised them with spirit.

"What are you even doing Granger?" Malfoy asked suspiciously eyeing the first aid kit.

"Nothing that will harm you Malfoy. Believe me" I assured.

"Are those Muggle stuff?" He asked sounding disgusted.

"Asks the one who is clad in Muggle jeans," I said washing my hands. He turned scarlet.

"Those bloody idiots lost my luggage! And gave me these disgusting things!" He snapped angrily. I giggled at the absurdity of all this. Why was he even wearing him them? Malfoy I knew would rather roam naked than wear them.

"Stop laughing," He said sharply.

"Sorry," I said in a fit of giggles. I hesitantly sat by him on the love seat. He stiffened.

"Turn around," I said softly, he did as I said. "This might hurt" I warned. He gave a short sarcastic laugh.

"Get on with it Granger, I'm not one of your Boy toys" He growled.

"Fine" I snapped and pulled out one big shard of glass. He gave a gasp. "Stop moving"

There were 24 pieces of glass. I counted each and every one of them memorising their shape and hearing the little clank as I tipped them into a glass bowl. His back was all covered in blood.

"Terego" I muttered and started cleaning the wounds up. It all felt too intimate. Malfoy was breathing heavily. His skin was as smooth as silk to touch. I didn't even understand why he was tolerating a muggle born touching him.

As soon as I dabbed the purple wound cleaning potion on one of the particularly nasty wounds, He shuddered.

"Malfoy," I asked hesitantly. He grunted in response.

"Why are you back?" I asked. He remained silent.

"Malfoy?" I asked again.

"I heard you, Granger." He growled. "Ministry ordered it. Repercussion measures. I had to do community service. Repairing Hogwarts is one of them. McGonagall said it would be useful to complete my education while I'm here" He said quietly. They ordered nothing I knew of. I was sure.

"But .. What about Mrs Malfoy?" I asked my voice quivering not wishing to question his lies.

"She ... She is fine. Mother wanted me to go as well" He replied.

"I didn't report," I said.

"I noticed," He said dryly.

"The mask that cursed Austin was one of The Beyond's. I saw the message on it" I explained.

"Nice to know your brain is working when you are not checking me out. It's thoroughly disgusting you see.." He said. He knew about the mask. How? I snorted when I heard his snide remark and added more potion. He almost howled.

"CAREFUL! Stop marring my flawless skin" He cried.

"Only if you keep that mouth shut," I warned. A few more moments of silence and it was done.

"Keep it with you. For tomorrow" I said thrusting the bottle into his hands.

"Now GET OUT" He snarled.

"Gladly" I replied and walked away and was about to leave when the impulse hit me. He was still sitting on the love seat. I turned back with my wand out and walked to him.

"What in the name of Merlin are you doing?" He asked raising his eyebrow. I sat down beside him meeting his beautiful grey eyes.

"Healing," I said leaning towards him. His eyes widened. Our faces were centimetres apart and I raised my wand. He caught my wrist, his touch branding me.

"Episkey" I mumbled healing his lip. He blinked a few times looking at me. I was lost again to his fragrance, his beauty and to him.

"Well, well, well... You should have told me Draco, that you have such lovely company tonight" Drawled out a accented voice and we both jumped apart

"Zabini!" I breathed out surprised and turning scarlet for being caught in such an embarrassing position with none other than Malfoy.

"Blaise" Malfoy gritted out. "What the fuck are you doing in my room?" He asked.

"Well, I found your door open and came to check on you. But well .. you seem to have company" Blaise said smirking.

"I .. I was just leaving" I mumbled. And quickly got up.

"It's okay Granger. You both can continue what ever you are doing" He said with a wink. What?

"We were not doing anything. I'm leaving." I said indignantly and rushed out. After walking until the end of the corridor, I remembered I forgot my wand. I stood by the door while they were still talking. Blaise noticed me. Malfoy didn't.

"Though how I much it kills me, I have to agree with Granger on this one," Malfoy said.

"Now .. now Draco. You don't have to hide just because I stumbled upon. It's okay. My mouth is sealed shut" Blaise said smoothly.

"I'm not hiding anything. She came to talk to me about the incident in the train" At that Blaise raised an eyebrow.

"Come on Blaise, Why would I sully myself with the likes of her? She is not even shagging material! Stop looking at me that way. She is the insufferable Know it all" He snarled. I took a step back.

"Draco" Blaise started noticing my reaction.

"What? Even for pulling my leg don't you think it's a bit extreme to associate me with her! You might think she is some sort of celebrity. To me, She is always a mud blood. Not worthy of my time, not even worthy of a glance. Ones who are better under my foot than as my equal" He bellowed and I felt the anger bubble up in me. He hadn't changed a bit.

"Draco!" Blaise warned looking at me turning red in anger.

"WHAT?" He asked and Blaise glanced at me. Malfoy looked at me and turned pale.

"Granger," He said taking a step towards me.

"Accio," I said through gritted teeth and my wand flew to me. Then, I finally looked at him.

"Don't worry. I won't tell on you" I reassured.

"Fuck" Malfoy cursed. I laughed.

"No Fuck you!" And turned on my heel fled the goddamn place.

* * *

_**2nd September 1998, Wednesday, 3:32 A.M, Gryffindor Tower, The New Castle, Hogwarts.** _

I knew I wasn't sleeping tonight. Like I haven't been for many months. It wasn't because I didn't want to. It was because I couldn't. The voices would haunt me again. I had no idea what they said. What they are. I searched every book for an explanation. I found none. I pulled out my hair in frustration. They never stopped. Only got louder. Taking my energy away from me. Once in a while, I managed to get rid of them. But there were horrors still left for me to bear.

I stood in front of the mirror in my bed room tracing the scar Bellatrix Lestrange gave me. It was my battle scar. Like Harry's scar on his forehead. I wore it like a medal. All a facade. Only I knew how bad it hurt me. To be branded as an unworthy individual. The magic in me was mine. I was its rightful owner and I was never giving it up. But no one gave a fuck. No matter how much I tried to belong in this world, everyone pushed me away. I was welcome in neither of the worlds. I was an outcast.

Every night, I stood like this and traced the contours of this particular scar, sharply contrasting against the white skin of my arm in gleaming red. I wasn't ashamed, not in the slightest to be a muggle born or as they eloquently phrase it, A mud blood. I was proud to be in this world and rise as a significant person from a commoner. I wasn't the bug under their foot or anything else they seemed to think about me. But it hurt. It still stings me. I will always be nothing in their eyes. And they will treat me like the scum of the earth.

I was afraid to go to sleep. Afraid to switch off the lights. The meagre 3 to 4 hours sleep I got, were always in my bed room with all lights switched on. Because darkness was a trigger. Darkness made me remember. It made me remember the times I stayed hidden with Harry and Ron, afraid for our lives every moment. It made me remember the battle. The ones who lost their lives to save ones like mine. I question whether it was worth it. Was it worth living when many others lost theirs? I wasn't weakened enough to kill myself. At least not now. I hope not ever.

I was on the receiving end of his brunt for a good part of 7 years. I hear his taunts echo in my head. I try to ignore. But the word mud blood never fails to hurt me. I was no mud blood. My blood was as clean as his. He knew it. I bled on the floor of his own manor for fuck's sake. Yet, he didn't change. He was still like that. Yes. It was his name I moaned every night. His betrayal I reminisced. Not because I was having any sordid affair with him. It was because he stood there, just like that, watching me get tortured by his aunt, doing nothing, saying nothing. Wishing that I die. Mumbling .. asking me to die. Turning away in disgust.

Every time I sleep I dream of his crazed aunt crucioing me again and again and again. I hear her laughs. My own screams. I see him standing just there. I begged him. I fucking begged him to stop her. He didn't even bat an eye. I beg him every night. But the torture never stops. I scream every night until my throat is raw, and claw at my skin desperate to get rid of the scar. Nothing works. The pain comes back again. I started cutting myself up to stop the pain. It did work. It was momentary.

I started sitting up late nights, scared someone would barge into my home and kill me. I sat in my father's rocking chair putting up all the wards and protections I could muster with Crooks in my lap and a knife in my hand. I almost killed myself to stop the suffering. I couldn't tell anyone or consult a doctor. They will say it as PTSD and prescribe pain meds. It wasn't just that. I wasn't just losing my sanity. Nobody understands. I talk to myself, pleading the voices and memories to leave me alone. Stop blaming me for everything. I was fighting every day to survive without falling apart in front of everyone. Plaster a smile and move on. No one hears my horrors. No one can know.

I couldn't cry. The tears were coming. I can't afford to cry. I couldn't do anything to take out my frustrations. Crowds stopped the voices. But they triggered memories even worse. I couldn't bear to look at the faces of the people who lost their loved ones. I roam the streets of London at night trying to find a way to get rid of the voices that started clawing my head with their talons. I was battling with demons that no one could see. They were inside me. Inside my head. Killing me. Taunting me. Haunting me. I was losing the battle. For the first time, I was failing.

I started having black outs and fainting often. Losing appetite. Losing interest. Anxious and paranoid about everything. I couldn't even do simplest tasks. My magic started getting weaker. As the time progressed, I couldn't perform magic without being exhausted. Without the feeling of someone pounding on my head. Things started going out of focus. I would stop listening to someone in the middle of the conversation. If anyone learns this, they. would send me St. Mungo's to lock me up. I'm not crazy. I knew it. I was getting scared though. Because I was dreaming of things that never happened. I was making up scenarios in my head and thinking they were true. They seemed true. I couldn't distinguish reality from illusion. Everything seems same.

Scars that battle left weren't just physical. It scared my soul. I was now beyond repair. I couldn't let another of his family break me. Because I was already broken and the pieces weren't mending. I wasn't going to let him crush me … even it kills me.

* * *

**End Notes:**

Well, I came across a review stating this is OOC and AU. I reckon that's what it is. My characters are OOC. I don't deny. And I want them to be the way they are. My characters are shaped the way they are now due to past events I don't want to reveal now. As for the suggestion to read books, I have read them several times. Thank you very much. My mother has even hidden them to make me stop reading and concentrate on building my social life. Sorry if I disappointed anyone. (This one if for a review FF.NET. I wanted to make it clear here as well)

I lost my Cousin and his family to a tragic accident. He lost his son and wife to the tragedy. He suffered from PTSD for many months before succumbing to the suffering and leaving us all. His absence is deeply regretted. He miraculously survived cancer, battled with it and came out victorious. But, finally, it was the loss of love that destroyed him worse than cancer did. There are many of us who silently suffer. Lose our hope to live and yet strive to survive. Hermione in this story is one of them. She is trying her best not to succumb. She is the strongest girl I have ever known.

_"Don't Pity the dead, Harry, Pity the living, And above all, those who live without love. - Albus Dumbledore._

Love,

Alex.


	4. Stares

**Author Notes:**

Hey, people! I know I disappeared. But, I am too busy. Here is the new chappie and seriously do comment. I'm really happy if you do. I forgot to mention in my haze. I rated this 'M' for the future chapters. For Language, Abuse and Scenes. I can promise smut. Not right now. Slowly but eventually. Have a nice time until next time! Thank you for your comments and hits. Eternally grateful for the subscriptions! Anything on your mind, speak up! Open to Suggestions. 

Love you all,

Alexa.

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own anything. Harry Potter is all the property of J.K. Rowling. I'm just playing with her characters. I do not make any profit with this fan fiction.

* * *

 

 

**Chapter 4: Stares**

_**2nd September 1998, Wednesday, 5:13 A.M, Gryffindor Tower, The New Castle, Hogwarts.** _

I was shaking and healing myself frantically. I cut myself open again. Too much pain. Too much noise. Too much of everything. It was something I didn't fancy it, mostly because it was a messy thing. But, I lost it. I had no sleep. And memories make it too difficult to breathe. I needed relief. And that's what endorphin is for. The momentary relief is like a drug. A safe house when I try hard not to scream with pain in my head. When I try to look normal with out the sinking feeling in my gut as soon as I look at my reflection. I wanted to cry and lost the capacity to cry. I just had no outlet. I braced myself and tried healing again. I shouldn't have given him my supplies. The very reason I was saving them was this. To injure myself and then heal it leaving behind no scars.

The time I dressed up and made myself presentable to survive this day it was just past 6. My eyes were sunken and red rimmed. Glamour charms covered it pretty well. They always do. I was chanting it like a sacred hymn. I will not be bothered by him. I will not kill him over this. I will never go near him. It was bringing up memories that weren't needed. Not now, not ever. I didn't stop. There was nothing I couldn't do once I set my mind to it.

Now with my walls back in the place, I marched down to Great hall with a big sack of books. The sun was just rising above the horizon. The temperatures finally dropped. This August had fried us. It was pleasantly warm. It was good to be back at Hogwarts. This is the place that held so so so many memories. Of Harry, Ron and I. Of so many people. We had to rebuild this castle. For so many more generations to come. They shouldn't be living under the shadow of a war.

It was a long way down to the great hall. I could go to the Library. I doubt it's open. And Madam Pince.. well she wasn't exactly happy with me handling her precious books. But, once she got used to the fact that I loved books, probably more than she did and I wasn't going anywhere, she stopped bugging me every other minute. I don't think I could actually go to the library now. I was quite honestly famished and about to do something with this book I found in my mom's closet.

Last month, I was searching for something to wear for my date with Ron. I avoid their room mostly. But ... Ron was adamant I wear something really nice at least for once. I was rummaging her closet. It smelled like her. Clean, minty and chamomile. Mum's perfume. And dental floss. It was all home. All them. I missed them terribly. They were my everything. The sunshine of my world. I sat down on the floor of the closet drawing out comfort from that feeble fragrances. Thinking how nice it would be to hold them again. It was then I found this wrapped in velvet. It was my Mum's. I knew her loopy handwriting. Jean Granger. It was a worn out old diary. I had my share with diaries but this was no Horcrux.

_Dear Hermione,_

_Happy 18th birthday. Your dad and I would have never been so proud of you as we are now. You are a delight, my dear. This is a gift from me. I know it's all dusty and battered It was a gift from your Grandma to you. She requested it to be passed on to you when you become a woman. You are a brave girl Hermione. You never show any weakness. But there are things .. that are not to be hidden. Matters of heart. Preserve your thoughts in this diary. Think of Grandma, me and dad every time you write anything in this. Tell this diary anything you can't tell us. We love you, sweetheart. Even if you are away from us, You will always be the heart and soul of our lives.  
_

_From,_

_Mum and Dad._

_PS. Dad wants to buy you a new bookshelf and build a tree house. What say? Though, I'm sure that tree house is all for himself._

That note was written on a little piece of lavender coloured paper. My mom's favourite colour. They were planning to gift me this. Before I wiped out their memories. It was here, all the time I was running with Harry and Ron. I couldn't help but wonder how things would have been if I still had my parents with me. A happy family we were. Now it all sounded long ago. My gut clenches every time I see this diary. It was nothing very special. It was leather bound with intricate carvings like wood and a little branch with leaves charm fixed on the cover. A little lock fixed on it. Definitely Grandma's taste. My grandma passed away when I was little. I loved her dearly. Out of all her grandchildren, I was her favourite. She used to read me all those stories at bed time... make me chocolate chip cookies and An extra piece of cake for dessert. Her death brought so much grief. My mum wasn't able to recover for months. But, people who loved us; will always be in our hearts. Harry says that every time Ron and I are with him thinking about the past. He had seen too much, faced too much as well. I didn't want to burden him with my problems. Ron, I can't do that to him as well. He will give up everything to help me if he knew the reason I screamed. I didn't want to be the reason they suffered. They were the only family I was left with.

Sighing, I finally reached the Great Hall. Which was not so surprisingly empty. The courtyards, roof, staircases everything was damaged. Over the last few months, The order of Phoenix was doing all it can to fix the castle. The efforts were paying off, But it needed a lot more work. I sat down on the Gryffindor table. There were very few people up this early. Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, 3 Slytherins and a handful of Gryffindors. I contemplated what to do with this diary. Mum wanted me to write in it. What should I even write? It will all sound so horrible. My condition. But then she wanted me to have this for a reason. I sat down and poured my heart out for the first time on the paper. Since the war.

* * *

_**2nd September 1998, Wednesday, 8:23 A.M, Great Hall, Hogwarts.** _

I lost track of time. It wasn't until I felt someone slide beside me I lifted my head. Oh. Fiery red hair, Blue eyes, mouth set in a hard line. Ginny. An extremely pissed off Ginevra Weasley. Hide the diary! Hide it!

"Hello Ginny, Had a good night?" I asked her raising an eye brow.

"You know, I'm pissed off Hermione, don't sugar coat it." She warned.

"I know, I had to try. Can't have you hexing me can we?" I asked closing the diary. Unfortunately Ginny caught it.

"What is _that_?" Ginny asked peeking at me as I was shoving the diary into my sack.

"Not a Horcrux" I stated and Ginny narrowed her eyes at me.

"It was a diary," She said with her hands on her hips.

"Good observation," I said dryly. She glared at me.

"Don't you ... remember ..w hat a diary did to me?" Ginny asked me her voice faltering.

"Ginny.." I started feeling helpless for my friend. She suffered enough as well.

"Hermione! I .. I ..don't even know how to describe it. It was worse than to be imperiused. I hurt everyone. I almost killed myself. If it wasn't for Harry..." She gulped. "It was a nightmare. Please don't do this... It is dangerous." She pleaded.

"Ginny," I said calming her down. "Read this" I showed her the card my mum wrote for me. She was puzzled when she took the card from me. Her frown turned into something else and lifted her big blue eyes to meet my gaze.

"Hermione .. I .. I'm so sorry.." She choked out apologetically. I shook my head and gave her a sad smile.

"Don't. If something like that had happened to me, I would have been paranoid as well" I said. "I know your next question as well. Yes, I miss them. It's not the time to find them. I have things to do before I bring them back... Yes, I will bring them back, one day or other." I said.

"Hermione .. I know you are smart and everything. Please be careful will you?" She asked.

"I am always. Besides have you written to Harry and Ron?" I asked. She frowned.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. What do you want me to tell them about your fiasco with Malfoy" She hissed.

"Nothing" I replied quite calmly though I wanted to rip that bastard's head off.

"Nothing? What do you mean nothing? Yesterday you were all for him? What happened now?" She questioned angrily. I was now buttering my toast and turned to face her.

"I wanted to give him a chance Ginny. I foolishly believed that war might have taught him something. I was mistaken as you can see" I answered.

"So yesterday you vouched for him just to give him a chance?" She asked incredulously.

"No. He was not responsible for what happened yesterday." I defended. "The train stopped. We both got locked out and he helped me. That's it. There is nothing more. And I didn't want you people in trouble for hurting Malfoy." I said.

"But .. you could have just let it go. Let him suffer. He was the one, who put his neck on the line. You shouldn't have saved his ass" She reasoned.

"I can't just have him rot in Azkaban can I? That place is not something I would wish upon anyone. Even without the dementors." I said.

"It's not like you haven't done it earlier" She muttered and I stiffened. I pinned her with a curious look.

"What? I was there when Wizengamot sentenced him to Azkaban. Quite honestly, He doesn't look like someone out of Azkaban" She said. No, he didn't. I agreed.

* * *

I remember that day as clearly as it was yesterday. It was 10th May. Malfoys were being tried in the Wizengamot. Harry was holding my hand the entire time. Death eaters who were still alive were sent back to Azkaban. Lucius Malfoy for all the heinous crimes he did was sentenced for a life time in Azkaban. His deteriorating health being a major issue. He was bound to be kept under house arrest if things worsened further. He deflected after all. The Malfoy Attorney fought tooth and nail for that. Even if that meant, even more, hardships for rest of the family. Malfoy estate and properties were seized and evaluated. Most of their wealth was taken away by the Ministry for rebuilding the wizarding community. Narcissa Malfoy, for saving Harry, Was to be under House Arrest until Ministry decided it was okay to release her.

And Draco, His crimes were the attempted murder of Dumbledore, Imperusing Madame Rosmerta, Handing out the cursed necklace to Katie Bell, Poisoning Ronald Weasley, Letting in Death eaters into Hogwarts, Taking the death eater mark, witnessing the murder of Charity Burbage and torturing Thorfinn Rowle on Voldemort's orders and .. witnessing the torture of Hermione Jean Granger.

"Do you, Draco Lucius Malfoy, accept that the previously stared crimes are true?"

"Yes," He answered, His voice no more than a mere whisper. His eyes were sunken and looked even paler than before. His mother was crying uncontrollably.

His only redeeming activities being refusing to identify us in his Manor and deflecting at the last moment. That bought him some credit. But not enough to pardon all his crimes. I was all fine until I was called upon to the witness box. To discuss my torture.

"Miss Granger, Describe what happened in the Malfoy Manor"

"We were in hiding when snatchers caught us. I had disfigured Harry's face to save him. Fenrir Greyback and his men caught us and took us to Malfoy Manor. Bellatrix Lestrange called upon Draco Malfoy to identify us. He didn't." My only thought being: Don't tell them everything. Short and precise summary.

"He didn't?"

"No. He said he couldn't be sure if it was Harry Potter or not."

"Continue Miss Granger"

"They found the sword of Gryffindor with us. Bellatrix supposedly had a copy of the sword in her vault in Gringotts to safeguard as per Voldemort's instructions. She assumed we stole the sword. Bellatrix threw Harry and Ron into the dungeon to lock up in the prisons. And tortured me with repeated Crucio spells to reveal how I stole the sword. I assured her it a fake one. She didn't buy it. She continued to torture me for several sessions." I said stiffly my voice completely devoid of emotion like I was reciting a lesson and not my experience.

"Can you explain the nature of the torture?"

"I object! The nature of the torture and my feelings through it bear no connection to this trial"

"Very well. As for Mr Malfoy, was he present for your torture?"

I was dreading this moment. I looked at him and found him staring at me. Not even a single emotion flicked across his face. My hand shook. His features during my torture were something I can't forget even in my dreams. How he refused to help me, How he wished for my death rather than help me.

"Yes," I replied stonily.

"Did he by any measure participate in your torture?"

"No"

"Did he take any steps to save you"

"He couldn't have done it without killing himself for treason"

"And you justify it?"

"Are you asking me whether I justify the reluctance of a person to help me when I was being tortured? No Solicitor. He did what he had to do to survive. I did what I had to"

"Very well then"

They sentenced him to spend 3 months in Azkaban. House arrest after that until he turned 20. He was a supposed victim of the war. Was under pressure. They made him join Muggle Studies. Even survive without any elves. His pride was stripped away. He was nothing. People spit on the very ground he walked on. He didn't even change. I knew he will remain as high handed and cruel as he was then. There was nothing we could do for him except leave him be.

* * *

_**2nd September 1998, Wednesday, 8:35 A.M, Great Hall, Hogwarts.** _

"I know Ginny. He was released just last August. The Daily Prophet made a mess. Everyone remembers it." I said.

"But why is he here? Didn't he get enough of the taste of loathing he experiences from everyone?" Ginny questioned.

"Honestly, I don't know Ginny, I don't care. As long as he won't mess with me .. I won't mess with him." I clarified.

"What happened yesterday? Did he hurt you or something? " Ginny asked suspiciously. I laughed dryly.

"Nothing he hasn't already done" I assured. She wasn't all convinced but agreed not to tell Harry. We knew no one would tell Ron except Harry. Neville came up to us looking extremely happy. He looked like he was carrying a new Herbology book.

"Good Morning Neville! Looking too cheerful aren't you?" Ginny asked.

"Professor Sprout gave me this new book ..." He started explaining all about new plants that were going to installed in the Greenhouses. I zoned out again. Reliving memories did that.

"What do you think Hermione?" He asked out of the blue.

"Sorry what?" I asked a little clueless. I was hating this. What if this happens to me in the classes? I decided I won't think about such things any further.

"Professor Sprout says I can help her with the Greenhouses for extra credit. She says I can do it very well" He repeated.

"She is right" I agreed. Neville loved Herbology as much I loved Arithmancy.

"I wonder when Quidditch trials are from," Ginny said eating her breakfast.

"I think they will wait until things settle down. With yesterday's events" Neville said throwing an uncomfortable glance at me. Oh. People are angry at me for saving him.

"Have you seen Luna anywhere?" Ginny asked. Neville's jaw ticked. Luna and his break up was still raw. But in all honesty, he will always love her.

"I think we better go. They might be handing out the schedules" I said and added. "We might find Luna there"

"Okay" Ginny agreed and we got up and were just about to pass through the door when I crashed into someone and all my things flew in the air.

"Holy shit" I muttered picking up my sack.

"Hermione?" I heard my name. I know that voice. That sickly sweet one. Bloody hell? Is it Lav Lav. Cursing my fate I stood up to meet my least favourite person. Lavender Brown.

She stood there looking at me surprised. She even seemed hesitant. I put on that fake smile. No offence, Brown never made my life any better than it is already. Actually, she made it worse. What did Ron see in her? As I assessed her, Yep. She did have a kick ass body. No .. Don't even go there. Ron was no saint. I hardly need more mental images.

"Hello Lavender, You look good" I appreciated her truly. She was almost torn apart by Greyback. Apart from a scar that ran down her temple and right cheek she looked flawless.

"I .. I ... Thank you" She stammered. I laughed.

"Relax. I'm not going to bite your head off. What are you so nervous about anyway?" I asked. She shrugged and adjusted her scarf. A scarf in summer?

"Nothing... The first day of school .. just that. How are you? I heard about the train incident yesterday?" She asked. Lavender attempting small talk with me?

"Weren't you on Hogwarts express yesterday?" I asked curiously. No one was supposed to miss the train.

"I was caught up with some work. I got here just today morning" She said again adjusting her scarf. What's up with her? Ginny was watching our interaction with a well-practised smirk on her face.

"Hello Lav Lav" Ginny greeted and Brown turned scarlet.

"Hello" She mumbled embarrassed. Then she looked at Neville and ran her blue eyes down him. Poor Neville didn't even notice it. Ginny rolled her eyes heavenward.

"Have you seen Luna?" Ginny asked when Neville finally started getting uncomfortable.

"Uh... UH yes. Ground floor, Near the transfiguration classroom. They are handing out schedules" She said reluctantly taking her eyes off Neville.

"Then we better rush," I said and started towards Luna with Brown tagging behind us awkwardly.

"Aren't you going to walk any faster?" I snapped and she picked up her pace, startled, scowling at me. Good. I want us to be like this and not all chummy.

My schedule was all fine. Today I had DADA, Herbology and Ancient runes. I started examining the schedule when I was hit. My head throbbed and I saw spots dancing before me.

"What the fuck!" I snarled and whipped around to see none. Ginny and Neville were as surprised as well. What hit me was a book. Books can hurt as well. Who threw it?

"There" Ginny pointed and I blanched looking at them. Seamus and Nott were all tangled up and punching each other and throwing things at each other intent on ripping each other's clothes and throats.

"HOW DARE YOU TALK THAT WAY ABOUT HIM?" Nott snarled and punched Seamus.

"He is scum that walks on the earth," Seamus said and shoved Nott. I had to give Nott credit. He was strong.

"You are the scum," Nott said harshly and Dean came barrelling in. One kick in the ribs Nott was sprawled on the floor. He hit the floor pretty hard and winced.

"You don't belong here. Don't mess with us" Dean spat at him and Nott was about to get up and do something else when I stepped in.

"Alright break it up you people!" I yelled. They looked at me angrily. Nott was surprised.

"Hermione! Stop taking their side always!" Seamus accused. I turned on my death glare on him.

"Okay. Do you want to end up in detention for the rest of the year? Tell me? I don't care even if you break his nose or something. Do you want to be in trouble? I see Professor McGonagall heading this way" I told them and they paled.

"This is not over" Dean warned and Nott smirked at him. Seamus was about to kill him.

"Not until you pay for what you said" Nott replied.

"Go" I hissed. Dean and Seamus went the other way and Professor came barging in.

"What happened here?" She asked peering through her spectacles.

"Dean and Seamus picked up a brawl with Nott" I answered. Nott was surprised again. Of course, I was going to rat them out. They shouldn't be picking up fights in the corridor. They knew I was going to tell on them anyway.

"Twenty points from Gryffindor and Slytherin" She announced sternly.

"Mr Nott? What are you doing on the floor?" She asked glancing down at Nott who was staring at me.

"Nothing much. The view from this angle is quite nice" He answered and his innuendo didn't go unnoticed. Professor glared at him.

"Another fight, You end up in detention. Now, off to classes everyone" She ordered and everyone scattered. I turned to leave with Ginny and others. Ginny was standing stunned looking behind me. Surprised I turned. Nott was staring at me with barely concealed interest.

"Why Granger have you taken up saving us Slytherins?" Nott drawled amused.

"I'm the supposed saviour of downtrodden, aren't I? And no, I haven't taken up saving you snakes. I am saving my own. Can't afford to lose more house points can we?" I asked.

"You lovely Grffindorks. Always little miss sunshine aren't you?" Nott said smirking.

"And your point? I'm going to be late" I said. "Get up and hurry, Unless you want to spend the rest of the day on the corridor floor," I said intrigued as he stared unabashedly at me. Are the glamour charms failing?

"Oh? I would love to as long as you are walking down this corridor" He said his eyes twinkling. If I weren't so surprised I would have found Nott extremely sexy at this point. His messy brown hair was all but obscuring his vision and his blue eyes shining. He wasn't reedy like looked back then. I could see the muscles flexing beneath his robes.

"I don't think so. Here's your book which you threw at me. I would have said nice aim if it hadn't hit so hard." I replied tardily and handed him his DADA book swishing around leaving with Ginny with Brown by my side.

"Hey, Granger!" Nott called out. I stopped in my tracks. What now? I turned to face him. He gave a smirk. A sexy one. That pulled all the right strings.

"You have sexy legs," He said. I stopped breathing. Ginny coughed violently and grabbed hold of Neville who dropped his new herbology book over which Lavender tripped and landed on the floor her scarf flying out of the window.

"What?" Ginny spluttered before I could retort.

"I said Granger has sexy legs. Can't blame a bloke... The view from here is quite flattering" He said wriggling his eyebrows suggestively. Which I actually found cute and chuckled.

"Well, Thank you. I would have complimented you had a nice butt but you seem to get it kicked around by us Gryffindors, Better luck next time" I said chuckling.

"I look forward to next time" He called out as I turned.

"In your dreams Nott. Dream on" I said shaking my head through peals of laughter. Then my gaze fell on Lavender. What the...

"Are those love bites?" Ginny asked surprised as soon as she saw Brown forgetting all about Nott.

"Uh .. I need to go .. Bye," Lavender said hastily and rushed almost tripping over her own feet. We stood there awkwardly staring at the retreating form of Lavender.

"Explains the work, for which she missed the train" Neville mused.

"Explains why she kept adjusted her scarf every other minute" I added.

"Doesn't explain why Theodore Nott was openly flirting with you in the corridor" Ginny accused with her hands on her hips.

"What?" I said shrugging. Then rolled my eyes. "He was just complimenting. There is a difference Ginny" I told her.

"Okay, how many guys have you dated?" Ginny asked and Neville started violently turning the pages of his book checking for any damage. I glared at Ginny.

"Two," I said through gritted teeth.

"One of whom is a dunderhead and the other one couldn't even pronounce your name let alone flirt with you. You know nothing Hermione Granger" She said.

"Viktor was the sweetest person I ever knew!" I defended. "And Hey! It was me who gave you relationship advice! See how wonderful it turned out" I said angrily.

"Yeah yeah... DENY all you want. He was flirting with you. How did I end up with such an oblivious and unobservant girl? Do you even realize how beautiful you are Mione? Nott likes you" Ginny said and started towards the door.

"OBLIVIOUS? HEY!" I yelled. "I am not Oblivious and unobservant. I know what's happening around me"

"Yeah, that's why you didn't even listen to the part when I said you are beautiful and Nott likes you. Yeah .. Not at all oblivious" Ginny said. Oh.

* * *

_**2nd September 1998, Wednesday, 9:13 A.M, DADA Classroom, Hogwarts.** _

I barged into the DADA classroom panting. Shit shit shit. I was late by whole 15 minutes. It was the first day. First class and a new professor. I cursed.

Several heads turned. I could make out Corner, Goldstein, Boot, Macmillan, Parkinson, Parvati and Padma. Neville tagged behind me and barged in almost knocking me down.

"About time," Professor Whitfield said smiling. He seemed pleasant and to my relief didn't seem to have started the class already. I sighed.

"Mr Longbottom have a seat by Miss Abbot. Well .. Miss Granger" He said glancing around. "You can have the seat right there. The last one, by Mr Malfoy" My stomach dropped.

"Professor, Aren't there any other seats?" I asked knowing it was futile. There were none.

"No, Is there any problem Miss Granger?" He asked curiously.

"No Professor," I said ignoring the stares as I dropped my sack on the desk and sat down beside him. I didn't even try and glance at him.

"As I was saying. I'm Howard Whitfield. Auror. Undercover. I worked in various ministries all over the world. I quit the job and wanted to settle down to something much more peaceful. Then, I came across this job in Hogwarts, And here am I" He said grinning. "Well, that's me. I already know more than half of you. Quite famous you lot. Well, Let's start the class then. We will be practising spells and be studying more about dark artefacts and how they function, in pairs. You are sitting beside your partner for this year. Congratulations folks. Please open your text books to the chapter on non-verbal spells. I need to know how good you are at it" He said.

I knew I turned pale. Am I partnered with Malfoy? No. NO... Nooooo

"Anyone, Tell me the advantage of non-verbals?" He asked just like Snape. A few people raised their hand including me. Professor picked on Parvati Patil.

"We can counter attack our enemies with out even uttering the spell. They can't anticipate what we are going to do next" She said. Professor nodded. "Anyone more?" As usual, Even before I was called on or before any one else could open their mouth I shouted.

"Your adversary has no warning about what kind of magic you are about to perform, which gives you a split-second advantage" Haven't these people learnt this when I said it back in the 6th year?

"Excellent. 10 points to Gryffindor" "Everyone, look up more on this subject in your text books, We will see how to identify cursed objects with Non-Verbals"

"Didn't I say the same thing in a simpler way?" Parvati asked loudly. Her partner shrugged.

"Bloody Know it all. Did someone even call on her? Always ready to steal the limelight" Someone else said. And I sighed burying my nose in the text book.

The rest of the period I successfully ignored Malfoy. He didn't even pay attention to what was being taught. He sat there staring aimlessly. I glanced at him periodically. No denying he was handsome. That pale angular cheek had a light stubble. I liked his hair when it was like this. Not gelled back. His piercing grey eyes staring straight ahead. I looked back into my book. Don't think about him. He will always be a pure blooded bigot. I didn't need more trouble.

"Now, List out a few spells with your partners" Professor announced. I waited patiently for 10 minutes. Malfoy didn't even turn to look at me.

"Are you going to sit there doing nothing?" I asked annoyed. He didn't respond.

"Fine. Have it your way. I'm not doing this work for you" I said and started writing.

"You didn't have any problem helping those idiots you call friends," He said.

"They don't roam around calling me a Mud blood" I spat.

"They don't call you by your rightful name. That's it" He said coolly. It felt like I have been slapped.

"Why disgrace yourself sitting with me? Move your ass elsewhere" I snarled.

"It's you who is sitting at my desk," He said.

"I'm not going to waste my time arguing with you. Are you going to help me or not?" I asked.

"No," He said leaning back and crossing his arms as I completed the work. I was about to say that I completed the work first when Malfoy stopped me.

"If I were you, I would keep my mouth shut Granger," He said coldly.

"Exactly. You are not me. And why are you so concerned?" I asked. He grunted.

"Concerned my ass. People are not exactly happy with you. You haven't been a model figure since the war, have you? No one appreciates brains Granger" He said glancing at me and pinning me under his gaze. My heart thudded.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean, A mud blood besting all the people here? Standing up for Slytherins? Tell me would like the bug under your feet to beat you?" He asked.

"So you say I should stop studying just because a few idiots like you are jealous?" I asked.

"Careful there" He warned.

"Stay away from me," I said.

"I don't even want to breathe the same air as you mud blood... You aren't even supposed to be here. You don't belong here" He spat.

"Fuck you. I don't care" I snarled.

"Tut tut Granger... What would anyone say if they hear you cussing like a sailor?" He drawled out.

"I would say sitting with a bastard does that to people" I retorted. He whipped out his wand ready to attack me.

"You wouldn't dare," I said meeting his gaze angrily and then turning away to raise my hand to notify Professor Whitfield. I could feel his angry eyes on me.

"I wouldn't. There are many who would love to show you your right place" He warned before turning away. I couldn't stop the shiver that ran down my spine as Professor appreciated my work. I couldn't stop the angry stares. Neither could I walk away when a Slytherin first year fell. No one wanted to do anything with the Slytherins. They were alienating them. Death eater kids in particular. I couldn't help but feel Malfoy was right when Ginny pointed it out to me that some Ravenclaws were staring at me in Lunch. Pointing at me at shouting out "That frilly hair beast is The Hermione Granger?" "She is so ugly" "She is a know it all! Can't keep her mouth shut in a class!" "Has no sense of fashion" I didn't care. I never did. "Isn't she a mud blood?" One of them asked. Ginny held my arm tightly. I didn't lash out.

They knew me. Not my story.

* * *

_**2nd September 1998, Wednesday, 7:35 P.M, 7th-floor corridor, Hogwarts.** _

7th years had to help renovate the castle every Wednesday from 7 to 9. I was helping with the 7th floor. The room of requirement was almost burnt down by the Fiendfyre. The order members stopped the Fiendfyre but the room of hidden things was destroyed completely. It was a known rule not to wish for the room now. I had been trying to access the room for the past half an hour. The room wasn't functioning since the skirmish and appeared only occasionally.

I was walking wishing for a room to sit when I felt someone pass by me. The wind gushed in my ears. I turned and looked. There was none. I whipped out my wand and carefully looked. Suddenly the room of requirement's door appeared. How odd. I carefully approached it. My footsteps echoing in the corridor which was empty. I opened the door. It was a tiny cupboard. I would have mistaken it for a broom closet if not there weren't any brooms and it being extremely tiny. It wasn't something I had asked for... That means .. Shit.

The wind was knocked out of me and my wand was whipped out of my hand. I was shoved into the cupboard and locked shut.

"What the! LET ME OUT!" I screamed banging the door. I couldn't even shove the door. It was tightly sealed shut and seemed solid enough not to budge.

"Serves you right,  You know it all mud blood. Scream all you want!! No one will hear you!" I heard a voice. I couldn't even decipher. My vision started getting hazy. I coughed. The room was choking me.

"Help! Help me!" I yelled fruitlessly and kicked the door with all my might. It didn't even budge. It was solid. I banged the door and yelled and yelled until black spots danced before my vision. I coughed and coughed until my throat was raw. My head hurt. It was all dark. Darkness is a trigger. The screams and voices started haunting me. How could I be so stupid? I should have been more careful. If only I had my wand. Oh .. No.. The memories came rushing. I was starting to lose my ability to even think. I wasn't able to do anything. I was dying. I crumpled on the floor as the lack of oxygen caught on to me.

The last thing I saw was light and grey eyes before everything blacked out.

Malfoy.

He saved me. I was flat on the floor of 7th-floor corridor gulping in air greedily. My skin turned blue. They were shaking. My feet felt numb. My hands and head hurt. My knuckles were all scraped. He stood there looming above me looking amused.

"You twitch like a chicken" He stated. How dare he make fun of me when I was dying?

"Shut up Malfoy," I said weakly.

"Not so strong are we now? Take your wand and get up Granger" He said. I glared at him.

"Stop ordering me," I told him.

"Nice way to thank your saviour. It isn't my fault Granger. I told you to be careful. Why were you trying to kill yourself in a cupboard of the room of requirement of all places? Not that I care? There are many other places to kill yourself" He said. My anger spiked up.

"Like the Astronomy tower Malfoy? Don't want someone like me dying in the room of requirement do we? Aren't they your favourite places from the sixth year?" I said getting up. He shoved me against the wall pressing his body hard against mine pinning my wrists above my head.

"Listen to me Mud blood. Didn't I ask you to keep your mouth shut? At this rate, you will get yourself killed even before the term begins. I'm warning you just shut up" He snarled.

"And if I don't?" I asked.

"Then I won't be there every time to save you. There are people out there who would love nothing more than to spill your filthy blood. You are nothing. You don't even belong here" He said coldly.

"We all have seen how filthy my blood is didn't we?" I snarled.

"Yes. And it should have ended right there. You weren't even supposed to live. I shouldn't have even saved you. It will be a mistake I won't be repeating" He snapped.

"I should have let you rot in Azkaban. Would love nothing more than spending time with daddy dearest won't we?" I retorted. Anger clouded my senses. So did it for him. He pressed me tighter against the wall hurting me as his face, inches from mine was contorted in rage.

"Don't dare to speak to me in that tone, You filthy little whore" He warned me.

"Fuck you," I said and spat at him. He turned his face away from in disgust. Wiping his face with his sleeve, never releasing me.

"HOW DARE YOU" He howled at me and closed his fist around my neck choking me.

"I did nothing you didn't deserve" I retorted.

"You will get what you deserve mud blood," He said hoisting me up as my feet are dangling twitching. I was feeling the lack of air as his fist tightened around my neck. "The next time you do something like that, I promise I will kill you" He hissed.

"I .. won't .. give .. you .. that .. chance" I spit out and blasted him off me wandlessly that drained my energy... He ended up on the other side of the wall with a resounding thump as I crumpled on the floor bonelessly. The voices returned in full force.

Before I could even get up, I was pinned to the wall magically. He sauntered his way up to me looking like Angel of Death. Looking extremely pissed off.

He lifted up my chin crashing my head into the wall. I hissed.

"Nice to know something can hurt the Gryffindor Mud blood." He told me coldly. I met his gaze.

"I thought you would change. You are no better. You are turning out like your father Malfoy. Perhaps even worse. They should have never let you out" I said calmly.

"You know nothing about me. You worthless piece of shit. Just because you whore around you can't just say such things to me!" He snarled shoving me back. I moaned in pain. I had to escape. Having no other go I bit his hand tasting the copper of his blood. He withdrew snarling.

"YOU MUD BLOOD" He bellowed releasing me about to hex me to oblivion shoving me roughly against the wall for the whatever time .. I lost track.

I tried to wipe off the blood dripping down my chin as I looked up at him. His hot breath was tickling my skin.

"Your blood is filthier than you claim mine is. It's the blood of a murderer. A cold hearted bastard. You are a disgrace. You can kill me. But, nothing can redeem you." I said. He stared at me with cold grey eyes. Suddenly his hand cupped my cheek and I stilled. My breath halted. His eyes never left mine.

He wiped off the blood on my chin and traced my lip with his thumb. My heart was thudding as shivers ran down my spine. I stood there frozen as he looked at me. Then as suddenly as he did everything... He released me in one fluid motion and walked away his robes swishing behind him as I crumpled on the ground my wand rolling on the floor being dropped from his pocket.

* * *

_**2nd September 1998, Wednesday, 10:40 P.M, New Castle, Hogwarts.** _

I went and told Professor McGonagall about what happened to me leaving out what Malfoy did to me. I didn't even begin to understand what he was even thinking. Professor was appalled. She wanted to let me off the renovation works. I convinced her that I will have someone tag along with me every time I do it. She agreed. She said she will look into the matter. I nodded and left wordlessly.

He left me crazy. Why did he attack me? Save me? Curse me? Then be so kind to me? What is even going on in his head? Why is he doing all this to me? I thought, tracing my scar in front of the mirror. I started thinking about the thousands of times he insulted me. He was acting differently. No doubt. Something was wrong with him.

I tried to sleep. Maybe tonight I will have some peace. I could at least wish for it. I had completed all my work. Even scheduled out for tomorrow and ruled out visiting the library for today. I was exhausted. A little dreamless happy sleep can work. Before I knew I drifted off.

I was dreaming of him. His eyes. How he held me against the wall. How he spoke to me today. Everything. Suddenly. It felt like the ground shook. I opened my eyes to meet his. I was still dreaming.

_"Listen to me Mud blood. Didn't I ask you to keep your mouth shut? At this rate, you will get yourself killed even before the term begins. I'm warning you just shut up" He snarled._

_"And if I don't?" I asked._

_"Then I won't be there every time to save you. There are people out there who would love nothing more than to spill your filthy blood. You are nothing. You don't even belong here" He said coldly._

_"We all have seen how filthy my blood is didn't we?" I snarled._

_"Yes. And it should have ended right there. You weren't even supposed to live. I shouldn't have even saved you. It will be a mistake I won't be repeating" He snapped._

I was reliving the moment. I felt the anger and despair run through me again. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to make him suffer for saying something like that. I didn't feel that earlier. My emotions were amplified.

_"You know nothing about me. You worthless piece of shit. Just because you whore around you can't just say such things to me!" He snarled shoving me back. I moaned in pain. I had to escape. Having no other go I bit his hand tasting the copper of his blood. He withdrew snarling._

_"YOU MUD BLOOD" He bellowed releasing me._

_I tried to wipe off the blood dripping down my chin as I looked up at him. His hot breath was tickling my skin. Then I felt it. Something strange. Something more pronounced than last time. I saw something flicker in his. This didn't happen earlier?_

_"Your blood is filthier than you claim mine is. It's the blood of a murderer. A cold hearted bastard. You are a disgrace. You can kill me. But, nothing can redeem you." I said. He stared at me with cold grey eyes. Suddenly his hand cupped my cheek and I stilled. My breath halted. His eyes never left mine._

_He wiped off the blood on my chin and traced my lip with his thumb. My heart was thudding as shivers ran down my spine. I stood there frozen, as he looked at me._

Then it happened.

His lips descended on mine. My world starting spinning. I didn't push him away... I didn't break the kiss. He cupped my cheek and kissed me hungrily, drawing me close to himself. I felt his hard abs beneath my hands as I steadied myself fisting his shirt. He tasted like mint and chocolate. Fresh and alluring. His lips were warm and moist. I felt something I have never felt before. A hunger. To taste more of him. To have more. His other hand tightened on my waist and I moaned at the sensation. I held him to me, my fingers buried in his platinum blonde hair.

It was like setting myself free. Little shivers of pleasure ran down my spine as he devoured my mouth with abandon. I thought nothing .. said nothing. It was all about the feeling. Of how good this felt. How right it felt. My lips parted wanting more and our tongue caressed mine. It was heaven. My legs were turning into jelly and my head was turning into a mush. I didn't care. I wanted him. All of him.

I bit down on his lip and he growled. It was unbelievably sexy. The kisses grew wild, more urgent .. and more passionate and I was losing all sense. I was losing control over myself. I moaned as he bit down on my lip drawing out my blood. I hissed and broke the kiss.

He licked his lips and threw me a devilish smile as my heart thudded uncontrollably. Everything south of my body started throbbing. His lips were swollen, hair askew. He looked thoroughly snogged.

"Your blood is not filthy," He said before I woke up panting.

What the hell was that dream about? I thought, touching my lips. I bit down on them and now they were bleeding. My knickers were all wet and I was shaking. What in the name Merlin's saggy pants was that? Was I dreaming about kissing Draco Malfoy? But why?

Before I could decipher anything I realized it. I didn't just dream about kissing him. I wanted him.. I.. I kissed him back. Oh lord .. What is happening to me?

* * *

**END NOTES:**

Hey, thanks everyone for putting up with me and reading this! Please comment! I would be so happy if you do! I might be a little irregular with updating! But I'm not abandoning this fic! Thank you anyway!

Alexa.

PS. You can find the pictures related to this fic on this URL on Photobucket. I don't own these pics .. I picked them on the internet. And the credit goes to who ever picked these pics. Please do look at them as well. Thank you. **  
**

<http://s36.photobucket.com/user/Alexa6699/library/Illusions%20of%20Reality> 


	5. Dreams

**Author Notes:**

Well hello there.! I am really really sorry. I haven't been able to upload the new chapter any sooner. It's been a month and I have been too busy. I was down with health issues and was hospitalized. I have thought more and more about this story and I would really like to know what you people think about it. I can't think of anything other than this story and how disappointing I have been with no updates. I promise I will be quicker and try to put more depth into this story. Have fun. 

Alex.

* * *

 **Disclaimer** : I do not own anything. Harry Potter is all the property of J.K. Rowling. I'm just playing with her characters. I do not make any profit with this fan fiction.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Dreams**

**_8th September 1998, Tuesday, 10:35 A.M, Great Hall, Hogwarts._ **

I was sitting in the great hall clutching my head in my hands trying to listen to Neville rant about the Herbology class. But all I could do was stare at my food wearily. I had lost all appetite this morning. Thanks to the blond haired git across the table sitting with the Slytherins. He was eating peacefully. I couldn't help but feel a jab of jealousy at him. Ever since last Wednesday, I was suddenly able to sleep. No more nightmares. Not the terrifying ones. The relief was immediate. But he was still visiting my dreams. This time for a different purpose. The kiss that didn't actually happen plagued my sleep. I kept dreaming of it every single night since then. I keep tossing and turning at night. I hated, no loathed to admit this, But the kiss never failed to arouse me to a point where I couldn't even remember my name. Last night it was particularly worse. I was assaulted with a wave of tingles just by thinking about it.

Two days straight I dreamt of the kiss and helped myself with a cold shower to no avail. I couldn't concentrate on my studies. It clouded my senses day and night. I managed to avoid him at all costs. Cause one look at him and I was turning into jelly. I was suspecting I was cursed anyway. That was the only logical reason I could come up with, because every time I see him, I was using up all my self-control not to jump him. Right in the middle of Great Hall at this moment, I wanted to jump him. I peeped at him again and watched his platinum blond hair fall onto his eyes as he was talking to Theo. My heart beat skipped. No. Not again. I barely managed last DADA class with him even if he seemed more frigid and withdrawn from me than ever.

Theo must have felt my piercing stare and looked up. He scanned the hall finding my eyes directed towards them. To my surprise, he awarded me a sexy smirk and a saucy wink. I actually felt flustered and managed a weak smile at his weird behaviour. But it was nothing compared to the shivers that went down my spine when I saw Malfoy's piercing grey eyes trained on me peeking from the veil of his hair. I was doing all I could, to stop the blush and keep myself from fanning my over heated skin. That bastard actually smirked before looking back at his place and everything south of me went berserk. It didn't help that he knew about this.

I groaned in frustration grinding my teeth to leash myself. Rubbing my thighs together, I cursed. I was definitely jinxed. If.. if only I found who did it .. I will kill them! Can't they find anyone else? Someone who looks revolting? Malfoy with his aristocratic looks was driving me crazy. Also, blame his nasty attitude. I was going crazy. Why him? Why him of all people?

"Is everything okay Mione?" Ginny whispered quietly in my ear.

"I ... Let's go to my room" I mumbled massaging my temples.

"Yep. I want to know why Theodore Nott is looking at you like you're candy" She whispered urgently.

"So do I" I replied not daring to look at him again because my little problem was sitting right beside him and I can't afford to ruin another pair of knickers.

"Hey Neville, Meet you later!" I muttered shoving my plate away. My hunger pangs for something else entirely. I wanted to devour the devilishly handsome Draco Malfoy sitting right over there.

"But why does no one Listen to me? I got the worst partner ever for _Herbology_!" He cried in despair. I felt guilty. So much for zoning out. I had to solve this bloody issue.

"I'm sorry Neville. Maybe later?" I called out as Ginny dragged me away.

I kept looking back at him. He wasn't looking at me. His eyes were fixated on the youngest Greengrass sister like always. SO much for my imagination. In my dreams, He kissed me like I was the last girl on the planet. And in real life, all I get is you filthy little mud blood. I was going to kill whoever did this to me.

* * *

But, I can't help wonder, why they brought out my dormant sexual urges. I agree. I had been kissed only thrice. Viktor, McLaggen (though that was more of groping and tongue action anyway) and Ron. My dream kiss was hands down the best kiss ever. It was wrong. In all ways. But, I was craving it more than I craved for air. Our pasts are colourful enough to make me run away and I LOATHE him. Though every sane thought goes out of the window when his lips are on mine.

It was the day after the dream. I spent the entire day with raging hormones like it was puberty all over again. I felt disgusted with myself and stayed away from him and everyone thinking about how DEPRIVED am I to dream about kissing the bane of my existence right after he vowed to kill me. I almost wrote to Harry about it. I know he won't flip out. He was now Zen Harry Potter. He hardly even shouted at people, except when I and Ron argue. But, I backed off at the last moment and wrote to both of them reciting the events and leaving out what I should be leaving out. I don't want them worried about me. They deserved peaceful lives. For once.

I was proof reading my History of the Magic essay when I started to drift asleep. When I finally realised it and jerked awake and scanned the room. I was distorted for an entire minute before I carefully put the essay away and lay down on the bed. I actually felt sleepy. I didn't do my nightly ritual. For the first time since months, I felt safe. It was unusual. The months after the war was a blurry haze. I kept my distance from everyone. I just remember being in my house, reading, cooking and reading more. I attempted to live at the Grimmauld place for a week. It was a disaster and Ron found out about me moaning Draco's name. I wasn't shagging him. I don't even remember in the first place when I started moaning his name in the first place. It was somewhere in August when I realised it. I woke up screaming for him. I was so bloody confused and everything went even more downhill after that.

Before I knew, I had fallen asleep. I dreamt about various scenarios. Me wiping out my mom and dad's memories, Dumbledore's death, Harry Ron and I on the run, Ron splinching, Ron leaving, Every single time we almost got ourselves killed, the battle, everyone one of my friends who had died. I saw their faces. I saw them demanding me why I let them die. Why I lived on when I couldn't save others, What gave me the right to live? I wanted to get away from the dream. Leave and never return. They said I should be punished. Punished because I wasn't worthy. Then the scene shifted and I felt the air leave my lungs. I was there again. In Malfoy Manor under Bellatrix who was just about to start another round of torture on me. She was about to carve that loathsome scar on me. I screamed. I found him lurking in the darkness. I begged him. I cried desperately for help as Bellatrix roared with laughter. She crucioed me and I felt the pain lacerate my very being. I looked at him desperately .. anything .. something. Save me. I pleaded.

But then, A miracle happened. He nodded.

It never happened before. He never nods. He should be standing there witnessing the torture. The dream was changing; I realised with alarm and the scene shifted again.

I was in the 7th-floor corridor again with him running his thumb across my lip and swooping in to kiss me. I couldn't hold back. Not after making up scenarios of me jumping him all day long. I bolted right at him knocking him off his feet. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him roughly. He stilled for a moment before kissing me with equal passion. His grip tightened on my waist effectively pinning me against the wall with his body pressing against me deliciously. I moaned out at the feel. I didn't know dreams felt this good. But when his tongue slipped into my mouth, I didn't care about anything. Only the feel. The feel of my blood set on fire, His touch electrifying my skin and sending shivers of pleasure down my spine. I was aware of the dampness of my knickers. I was aware I wanted to rip those offending garments off his body.

When we finally pulled back for air, I didn't let him go from my arms. He didn't let go of me either. I met his gaze and found his silvery depths almost blackened. I was panting. So was he. I ran my fingers down his face placing my palm against his cheek. He surprisingly leaned into my touch and closed his eyes revelling in the feel it. He had a slight stubble. I was floored at the intimacy of this gesture. His finally opened his eyes and looked at me and smiled. Like actually smiled and it was like Christmas came early.

"You have no idea How long I had been dreaming of this" He whispered kissing my palm. It broke the spell for me.

This can't be happening.

Draco Malfoy won't say this. He would die rather than kiss and admit he had been fantasising about a mud blood.

"This is just a dream" I whispered when the reality hit me and I stepped away from his embrace. He looked actually hurt. I could see the pain in his eyes.

"Hermione .." He called out.

And I woke up.

And believe me, The next few nights were just pure and sheer torture. Bellatrix's torture was always stopped at him nodding at me and repeat of the dream the other day. Us, kissing each other senseless and I waking up before we ripped each other's clothes, Waking up to find another pair of knickers drenched and I extremely aroused to a point when cold showers were no more working.

I spent the entire weekend trying to find something in the library and trying harder to get myself off. It just made me hornier. I tried every stupid cure for every spell, curse, jinx that seemed to match my condition. Nothing seemed to work. I vowed to search the restricted section. And not to mention the accidental flares of my magic everywhere. My magic started to explode at unexpected times like a time bomb and I accidentally set Pansy on fire after she drooled openly at Draco one day in the corridor. I was just extremely lucky that no one knew it was me.

Then the voices screaming at me if I refused to let go and sleep for the night. They had my pulling my own hair out until I feel asleep. He made everything better and worse again tenfold.

* * *

**_7th September 1998, Monday, 9:15 A.M, Headmistress Office, Hogwarts._ **

Yesterday I had an unfortunate run down with him. Professor McGonagall was going to visit Austin at St. Mungo's and wanted to talk to me. Our Transfiguration class was cancelled and I was summoned to the Headmistress's office. I knew she wanted to discuss the incident. I decided to come out clean. Trusting Draco had brought this to nowhere. I was thinking about the situation when I heard voices from her office. She was in a heated discussion with someone. I was standing on the gargoyle's steps stunned as I heard the next voice.

"Minerva. He deserves to know"

No. I can't be it. Wasn't that Professor Snape's voice?

"Yes. I agree, Severus but when you were alive you made me promise I won't tell him anything" She argued.

"SO you won't! I'm not asking you! I'm asking my god father who threw me into this hell hole and proceeded to die on me" A voice bellowed angrily and I almost lost my footing. What the hell was Draco doing here?

"I did it for your own good" Snape said in a grave tone.

"Says a portrait who had been doing nothing but hanging around all day! WHY did you even suggest bringing me back to Hogwarts to my mother and McGonagall? Didn't you realise what I'm going to face every day? Do you think I will still be myself after seeing her every day and not being able to do anything BUT STARE? And the entire situation with my mother who is adamant to help me find some company! WHY WON'T YOU GUYS STOP INTERFERING IN MY LIFE? My life already feels like hell. Stop driving me crazy and grant me the permission to go away right now!" He yelled angrily.

Her? Who is he even talking about? Staring at someone? Then the image of Astoria Greengrass appeared before me. Oh. Professor McGonagall went away angrily not listening to their conversation throwing her hands up in exasperation. Apparently, this has been going on for hours. I hadn't seen him at breakfast that day.

"Why are you so adamant on leaving? I thought you wanted to complete your education?" Snape asked snidely.

"Because I can't even put some effort into it. My entire 6th and 7th years are fucked up because of, you know what. I can't do this." He cried out. What was he even going on about? He was always the best after me in academics.

"All you need is some help. Nothing more. You are staying Draco. Trust me, things will turn out well with her" Snape replied in a non-Snape like tone. This was a bizarre conversation. 

"Help? What help?" He asked startled.

"Help from other students. Like Miss Granger who has been listening to our conversation just beyond that door" Snape said monotonously and the door swung open. I blushed.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude.." I started.

"I WON'T ACCEPT IT" Draco cried in indignation.

"She is your best shot Draco. Focus. If you really want to build up another image of yourself and crawl away from the shadows of your past, YOU NEED TO WORK. You need to qualify the N.E.W.T s with good grades. Miss Granger will help you. Miss Know it all does her work perfectly." Snape said.

"She is insufferable, arrogant and crazy. We both will kill each other before this year ends!" He protested.

"I know who she is Draco. I have put up with her for years" Snape replied. I cleared my throat.

"I'm standing right here you know. Professor Snape, before persuading Malfoy to accept me as a tutor, Won't it help if you persuade me first to tutor him." I said angrily and glowered at both of them.

"See. It won't work" Draco snapped. "Now let me GO!" He added angrily.

"Miss Granger, Why won't you accept?" Snape asked. I gave him a look that said Isn't it obvious? We were still keen on ripping each other's necks. I was also interested in ripping his clothes off. It won't help the matter.

"Very well. What would you like in return?" He asked.

"You have nothing I want" I replied. Except for your Godson.

"Not even access to the restricted section of the library?" He questioned and I winced. I had this conversation with Professor McGonagall who had shut down the restricted section from everyone. She asked me the reason for my visit and I couldn't tell it. Well, I can't tell her about my sudden lust towards Draco. And unfortunately, this meddlesome portrait was listening to our conversation.

Snape was smirking in victory as he saw my expression.

"Professor McGonagall said it was against the rules... " I started.

"You say yes Miss Granger. I will talk to Minerva" Snape said.

"Why do you want this so desperately? Why not let him go where ever he wants to go ?" I asked nodding towards an angry Draco whose anger was again turning me on.

"EXACTLY MY POINT," Draco said and huffed.

"You know the reason Draco. Now be silent. One more word and you won't hear the rest of it. Now, Miss Granger will you accept?" Snape asked. I looked at Draco who was glaring at Snape's portrait. He looked sexy even in his robes and my thoughts again went to the situation where I fantasised him without them. Ughghh

I contemplated the offer. I was sure I could find some cure to this horrible dream disease. At the same time, bearing this git every day was a torture in itself. But .. I .. I wanted to get rid of these dreams first and stop weaving fantasies about him.

"How long do you propose I keep this up?" I asked wearily and saw Draco's attention whip to me and a wave of pleasure assault me. It took me all I had not to turn into jelly under his scrutiny. All the more reason why I had to break this goddamn spell.

"Until he can improve his grade. You can decide when to meet, what to do, yourselves. Do you accept Miss Granger?" He asked. I stared at both of them for a moment and then nodded.

"I won't!" Draco screeched like an owl. Snape scowled.

"What is wrong with you? Your mother is worried about you! She is digging her grave early, seeing you sulk about in the manor. Sulk here all you want. I'm just holding up my promise to your Father. He wanted you to graduate from Hogwarts." Snape retorted angrily. Draco was stunned to silence at the mention of his father. He nodded and left without a word. What is going on?

The entire incident made me forget everything about train accident and I left McGonagall's office after talking for a while about everything that happened and I again didn't tell her about what happened to us in the Prefect's compartment. I remembered it when she had already left.

I was heading down and turned around a corner when an arm came from nowhere and grabbed me into a darkened alcove. Before I could whip out my wand a hand clamped down on my mouth muffling my protests.

"Hush Granger" He chastised and I felt heat blossoming in me. Yet again. I managed to glare at him. He chuckled. It was doing wonders to my body.

"Now, now. If I remove my hand, Will you promise not to shout?" He asked. I nodded. I can't shout anyway when I actually wanted to pounce on him. He slowly removed his hand and placed his palms flat against the wall beside my head effectively trapping me. What is with him, walls and with me in between? Then the image of him taking me against the wall flitted in my mind and I almost whimpered. This fucking spell was killing me.

"Why did you grab me?" I asked sounding frustrated.

"Why did you agree to Snape's proposal?" He countered.

"Don't answer a question with another!" I said shoving him away. I couldn't help but marvel at his rock hard abs flexing beneath my palm but I managed to give him a hard shove. He didn't even budge. I sighed.

"What?" I asked blushing when I found him staring at me.

"What is wrong with you?" He asked quietly and I stilled.

"Why do you ask?" I asked my mind battling to fight down the arousal and also the dread.

"I haven't seen you the entire weekend. Something is wrong with you. You haven't been eating. You come early, leave early. Haven't been paying attention to your classes. And you have been avoiding me at all costs. Not that I mind. Not in the slightest. But, now you want access to the restricted section of the library" He mused. I started to panic.

"Oh really? Why do you care suddenly? Why are you watching a mud blood like me so closely?" I asked angrily. If only anger could mask the havoc he was creating in me.

"Because my dear friend Nott can't stop talking about you for one single fucking second" He whispered. My heart was hammering in my chest and I was clenching my hands into a fist to stop myself. Heck, I endured his aunt's torture. I can do this.

"Stop listening" I replied tardily. "Now let me go. I'm not giving up the offer Snape gave me. If you don't want to do it, Tell Snape about it. I am hardly concerned about you. All I want is my work done and I'm outta here" I snapped at him angrily.

"He won't let me go." He said gritting his teeth. "Tell me, Granger? Who had the balls to curse you and get away from it?" He said laughing outright at me. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him.

"If I knew it, do you really think their balls would be intact?" I asked and bit my tongue at the momentary lapse of judgement as he smirked slowly like a predator cornering its prey.

"So .. you admit being cursed," He said throwing that very sexy smirk at me. I took a deep breath to calm myself.

"It doesn't concern you. LET ME GO" I punctuated each word with a shove to his chest and his eyes blazed.

"What curse?" He demanded, pinning my hands above my head. If I was in my right mind I would have cursed him by now. All I could think about was how hot it was suddenly and How badly I wanted to rip our clothes off.

"Let me go" I finally pleaded not able to take this anymore as his breath fanned my face. He smelled like sandalwood, cologne and freshly .. I took another deep breath... mown grass. Oh no.

"Granger," He said. My head was reeling. I was gritting my teeth in frustration. I wanted to kiss him.

"I can't please let me go," I said my voice taking the husky note and he leaned in.

"They hit you with a lust spell?" He asked seeming surprised. I nodded meekly closing my eyes revelling in his voice. Why did he choose this time to be smart?

"Shit Granger" He murmured. "No wonder you want to read every bloody book out there" He mused. I hummed contented.

"Who are you lusting after?" He asked and my eyes shot open. He didn't realize? I was sure my eyes looked as if there were going to pop out.

"I rather not tell" I whispered. He had the nerve to smirk at me.

"It is a Slytherin, isn't it? That's why you are running from me." He said. Fool. It's you

"My last answer still stands" I replied relishing as his fingers gripping my wrists. His eyes searched my face narrowing down to slits when they suddenly opened wide. Judging by the look on his face, this isn't going to be good.

"It's Theo. He won't shut up about you. I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT! That's why you are running from me! Because Theo usually hangs out with me! " He said in a hushed whisper and I was about to melt into a puddle listening to him curse and talk profanities for several minutes. Do I like dirty talk? This is getting out of my hands.

"Malfoy. Let me go, At least now" I asked my voice reaching new peaks of huskiness. He noticed and met my gaze. I didn't understand what in Merlin's name was he thinking when he suddenly pressed his body against mine pushing me back against the wall. I bit back a moan. I was panting and my chest was heaving with the effort. No no. Not again.

He leaned in and ran his nose alongside my jaw burying it in the crook of my neck. I couldn't hold back any longer and whimpered. I felt his lips curve into a smile against my burning skin.

"Still thinking about Theo when you are finally up against me?" He asked his voice dropping many octaves. I was fighting against everything my body was screaming at me to do. I didn't answer his question. I felt his lips graze my pulse point and I knew I was gone. He could take me right here and I won't protest.

"Dream on.. See you around Granger" He whispered in my ear and left me. Like the last time, I slumped back on the ground unable to form one coherent thought. Cradling my head in my hands, I vowed to find a cure for this damn thing. And kill Malfoy. Definitely, kill him.

* * *

I spent the entire day away from him, not able to wrap my mind around what he did. I know he just did it to get a reaction out of me, but why was he suddenly touching me and not cringing. It was just a few days ago he shouted at Blaise insulting me in every way he could. He is just so mercurial I couldn't even understand what he was thinking about. I tried to get me off and almost broke down when nothing worked. It was going out of hands. I didn't know how long I will put this off before cornering him and having my way with him.

Last night, it was the same dream. Same nightmare. But when he came, My heart was picking up some irregular pace in anticipation as to what was coming. His thumb traced my lip and he smirked.

"Let's go," He said.

"Where?" I asked alarmed.

"It's boring me to kiss you here every day," He said pacing before me.

"The room of requirement is unstable" I replied. I had tried opening it several times. It didn't work. He growled when it didn't work. And I couldn't stand another minute without kissing him. I shoved him away and started pacing. My magic was volatile, yet powerful. I decided to help the room of requirement a bit. The door opened with a thud and I grinned like a loon.

"What are you waiting for?" I asked and he smirked before pulling me in. The door closed behind us and he just stood there watching the room in surprise.

The room had a four poster with softest sheets and pillows, a plush rug, fire place and arm chairs to name a few.

"What on earth did you ask for?" He asked. I give him a smirk of mine. I will never admit that loud, He just didn't see what I had planned for him. Yet.

He pushed me back until I fell flat on the bed and attacked me. He kissed me until I could only see spots dance in front of my eyes and the everything in me burnt up like fireworks. He just knew how to kiss me. It made me lose my mind and burn for him more. He broke the kiss and I whimpered at the loss, but he shushed me with a chuckle. It was all wrong, but it felt so right. This wasn't even supposed to happen. But with him, I felt wonderful. I wanted to do things I shouldn't be even thinking about.

He pushed off his robes from his shoulders and they landed on the ground along with mine. He looked devilishly handsome looming over me peppering kisses all over my face. He stared at me with those eyes that looked like molten silver and everything south to me clenched in anticipation.

"It took me all I had not to kiss you today" He murmured working up a path from my ear to my neck kissing, sucking and nipping all at once. I moaned. There go my sane thoughts out of the window.

"I won't protest if you kiss me now" I mumbled arching back as he sucked on my pulse point making me go crazy with need.

"Of course you won't. This is a dream. In real life, you won't even look at me." His words were muffled against my neck.

"Last time I checked, You were calling me a mud blood and about to kill me" I replied with a gasp as his hands found their way into my shirt and were now roaming my back. I was set on fire.

"Don't say that word?" He said sharply and then the sense came back to me.

"Mudblood. There I said it. You didn't complain when I said it today morning" I said cautiously. He stopped his ministrations.

"Just because you said it and I didn't complain, doesn't mean I have to put up with you saying in my dream as well. My dreams are in my control." He said pulling away to sit with his back against the head board. His dream?

"Why are you implying?" I asked sitting up and straightening my shirt.

"I don't like that word. I stopped liking it long back" He said looking away. I was startled. What is going on with him?

"THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME THAT" I screeched launching myself at him until I found myself straddling him. I glared at him when we were nose to nose.

"You either shout at me or continue to give me another raging hard on. Pick one. Because I can't remember the last time I wanked this hard every single fucking day." He said as seriously as he could. I forgot all about why I was shouting and started laughing as hard as I could.

"What?" He snapped angrily. He looked like an angry chicken with his lips all swollen and his hair sticking out in all directions.

"It's not every day that I get to straddle Draco Malfoy and have him admit he wanks to my dreams while looking this bad," I said attempting to tame his hair a little. He huffed.

"My hair is perfect. Not like the bird's nest, you call your hair" He said crossing his arms indignantly. I chuckled. How on earth was I found this endearing? I couldn't even remember the last time I actually laughed this hard. Why him? Why is it so comfortable?

"We might have to fix that up" I replied.

"How?" He asked curiously raising an eyebrow.

"Like this," I said scooting closer to him and started kissing his neck and unbuttoning his shirt. I heard his contented sigh and the unease between my legs just increased.

When the buttons finally popped open, I was positively drooling at the sight of his chest. He had abs that one could kill for, with a slight dusting of hair near his navel disappearing into the waist band of his trousers. I ran my hands over his chest marvelling at the feel. I was a virgin. I have read my share of erotica purely out of curiosity. Nothing ever seemed this hot. Nothing can compare to what I was feeling right now.

I leaned and kissed his nipple. He hissed. I quite liked it. I kissed it and sucked on it. His hiss turned into pants and then into full blown moans as I kissed every inch of his skin I could find. I didn't know guys were this receptive. I pulled his nipple between my teeth and he jerked against me, his cock rubbing deliciously against my core. It was just adding fuel to my own arousal as I was involuntarily rubbing myself against him. This was going too far. I knew it. But I couldn't help.

He growled as I avoided kissing his lips on purpose. I sucked his pulse point, raining kisses on his jaw, breathing heavily as my core throbbed with need. His hands went to my waist, gripping me tightly and arching back to give me better access. I clamped my teeth over the spot I was teasing and he pulled me back harshly grabbing me by my hair. His eyes were blazing as he pulled my lips to his, kissing me ferociously, roughly and thoroughly. I rocked against him desperate for some relief.

My nipples hardened straining against my cotton bra as I was pressed against his bare chest, tingling with every movement I made. I moaned out. It was like I was high. Nothing could stop me. Nothing could drive away the haze. Nothing mattered but him.

His hands were all tangled in my hair as we rocked against each other kissing passionately. His tongue left no part of my mouth un touched and I before I knew, my shirt was off. This was escalating quickly but the need for him to touch my skin was intense. He broke the kiss and looked at me pulling back. I was panting resting my palms against his chest as he scrutinised me. I couldn't say I was comfortable with it, though I can admit it was as sexy as hell. I bit my lip as his gaze lingered on my breasts and I blushed furiously. His eyes followed my blush until he met my eyes. My breasts were modest, I was no model. I looked fairly good. I was average looking lacking the hour glass shape. But my body looked good enough. Though I could use some curves, I had lost all my appetite. There was one thing I could admit with no shame. Being on run made me too fit. My calves, thighs and tummy were all flat and toned. It's a blessing really.

He breathed out slowly as he took in my appearance. I knew my hair would be sticking out in all directions with his assault. He sighed and leaned his fore head against mine.

"Granger," He said huskily.

"Yes?" I whispered back.

"Remind me never to insult your hair again. You have no idea how hard I'm right now" He mumbled.

"I actually do" I reminded him scooting closer. We both moaned in unison as pleasure assaulted us.

"Fuck. Granger, You are killing me" He groaned. I laughed in a voice I didn't think was mine. He growled and in one fluid moment had me pinned under him with my hands above my head. I was suddenly breathless to find him looming over me shirtless, pressing his raging hard erection against me. It felt so good. I sighed arching back, as his hands tightened on my thigh, hiking up my skirt. His lips were buried in my neck sucking hard. I was sure I would have hickeys by tomorrow. I moaned out when he found a particularly erogenous spot and sucked on it while reaching out to unclasp my bra. Shivers went down my spine and my skin felt like it was burning. It felt real. Too real to be true.

This was a dream.

And I woke up yet again finding myself torn whether to shout in relief or scream in frustration. Today morning when I greeted my mirror, only then I realised... The dream was actually real. I had not one but several hickeys decorating my neck line. I promptly sank to my knees when I realised I had actually kissed Malfoy. The only question was.. whether he was experiencing it as well?

* * *

**_8th September 1998, Tuesday, 11:05 A.M, New Castle, Hogwarts._ **

Ginny was glaring at me.

Hands on her hips... You can't get away from me type glaring which Molly does.

I sighed. After half an hour of pacing I still can't calm down and I dodged all her questions.

"What is going on with you?" She demanded.

"Wish I knew" I replied laying back on my bed. I didn't tell her about the lust spell. She would beat me out until I told her who I was after. And hell will break loose.

"You seem frustrated all the time." She mused.

"I am frustrated Ginny right now," I said wishing she would go away and I can get myself off in peace.

"You eat less. Stare blankly at everything and blush all of a sudden. You zone out and sit too stiff. And I remember the fiasco you caused in the great hall when we bumped into the Slytherins! You shouted at everyone until they casted cooling charms all over us! Do you want to know what I think about it?" She asked. I nodded bleakly remembering that I bumped into him and made myself come several times after that.

"You need a good shag, Mione. You have been sexually deprived for too long." She said.

"Thanks for the reminder. Don't you think I know?" I said groaning.

"Then what are you waiting for? Find a bloke who is willing! I'm sure there are many who have an eye on you but are just staying away because they think you are with Ron" She suggested.

"I doubt that Ginny. And I don't want to shag anyone." I told her. Except one.

"Mione .." She said laying down on the bed with me. "You really need to let loose you know. You are just 19. You need to go out and experience more. Just because Ron is an idiot it doesn't mean everyone is. It was you who suggested me to date others until Harry came around. Maybe you can try that for yourself until the right one comes along" She said slowly.

"It's been a week Ginny since my last relationship ended" I reminded her and she rolled her eyes.

"No offence, That break up was overdue since July. You weren't into Ron since then. I knew." She said not unkindly.

"I don't want to jump into another one so soon when the last one drained me," I said sighing.

"Then don't start out in a relationship. Fool around. Don't invest your emotions into it. Try having fun once in a while. By fun I mean going out and SHAGGING someone, Not reading Hogwarts a History with hot chocolate" She said and I cracked a smile.

"That is not my idea of fun" I protested.

"It is," She said shoving me.

"Okay! OKAY. It is. But I don't think I am ready for shagging just yet. You know I haven't been with.. any others. I just want to .. wait?" I said.

"But shagging is fun, Mione! You have no idea. It does wonders to my mood. It's a miracle people even leave beds. With Harry, I can stay in bed all lifelong and not regret it! Things Harry does make me lose control ... Last time.." She started off dreamily.

"WAIT .. Do I really want to hear that?" I said cautiously. She shrugged.

"No maybe. Maybe Yes. It's nothing." She waved it off. "It was the last time we had sex ... It was mind blowing. Harry is never too rough, but this time he just took control all by himself and had me coming within minutes. I was tied up to the bed and he was licking this whipped cream off me.." She started narrating and I wrinkled my nose in disgust.

"I really don't want to hear the details as to how my best friends shag. But I can't believe this? Zen Harry tied you up?" I asked. She nodded eagerly.

"We try such things often. Role playing, BDSM of sorts. We are adventurous in sex. At least I am. Harry does it more for me than for him. He is happy with missionary and even more happy with doggy" She said winking.

"Okay. You must STOP now." I said laughing. "I want to face my best friend without imagining you both having some heated sex in a closet or something," I said nonchalantly. My jaw dropped as I saw her surprised expression.

"How did you know we had sex in the closet? I thought you were sleeping. It was 2 am. We made sure to cast silencing charms" She said thoughtfully.

"YOU! You made out in the closet with ME SLEEPING IN THE ROOM? Merlin's saggy pants! Haven't you both got any sense?" I shouted throwing my pillow at her.

"Well, you were sleeping peacefully and Mom will kill me if she finds out we had been sneaking around shagging in my house. I found no other place" She said apologetically.

"Why didn't you do it in Ron's room?" I asked clearly remembering that day. I stayed at burrow on Molly insistence as it was late to go home. I was eternally grateful to take the sleeping draught while it still worked on me. I wasn't able to figure out why the latch on Ginny's closet was broken or why Ginny had a nasty bruise on her arm. And why Ginny showered at midnight. It was never a shower. I groaned.

"I would rather have you as an audience than Ron." She said disgustedly.

"If that's supposed to make me feel better, It isn't comforting" I retorted.

"It doesn't matter now. What does is we find you a shagging partner" I groaned.

"Ginny" I muttered frustrated.

"Don't Ginny me. We are finding you a guy. And I don't care about what you think because I want to set you right." She said sounding determined.

"I don't want this" I protested wrinkling my face.

"Mione," She said placing her hands on my shoulders. "Trust me. I just want to see you a little happy. The war has taken a toll on you. I hardly see you laughing anymore. You are strong and as stubborn as shit. I know you are independent, but sometimes we really do need to have some to rely on you know? I want my best friend back. The girl who laughed as much as she wanted and the girl who hexed everyone off if they laughed at her. We all do love you. It is making us sad to see you like this." She said softly. I stared at her and found only concern in her eyes. I know everyone noticed my little slip-ups no matter how much I hid it.

"Just give it a shot. You are always telling everyone to start a new day with a hope to do something else. It's time you tried something new. Believe me, you won't regret it" She said in her most convincing tone. I sighed. I couldn't disappoint her even if I didn't want to do it. I agreed to give it a shot after I resolved my little problem.

"Okay, what do I have to do?" I asked.

"We can start with a hair treatment," She said looking excited at dressing me up. I slumped my shoulders and cradled my head in my hands. Goody. I was going to be tortured for the rest of the day playing dress up. Shit.

* * *

"GINNY STAY AWAY FROM ME" I barked.

"But ... it's just a little concealer" She said stating another of the hundred things she claims are makeup. I don't do makeup. There is nothing I have against it. It's just too time-consuming. It is the only thing apart from Quidditch I'm not interested in. I was groping to understand the items she was telling about. I hated being ignorant. But, It was okay in this case. I never felt the urge to dress up except when Viktor took me to Yule Ball. I wanted to look pretty, just for once. After that, I decided it was too much effort and quit it all together.

"Ginny," I said sighing. "I know you just want to help me... But I want someone to accept me how ever I look. I don't want guys approaching me just because I dressed up like a doll one fine day. If they want to approach me they will. I don't want to put up a fake profile just to attract attention" I said. I can't fake emotions any more than this. I was hardly doing any good with my condition and the damn curse. Merlin, help me if I Ginny decides to subject me to another round of dress up. I stood up.

"Mione. You are pretty. But not everyone can see it. Okay I won't put the makeup on you, But you really have to go and wear this dress for me" She handed me out a dress from my closet. This was a long forgotten my father bought for me. He had impeccable taste in dressing. Even better than mom. I loved him so much. He will never forgive me if he learns what I did to them. They will throw me in an asylum if they learn about my condition. The voices returned again and I swayed. Ginny noticed and looked concerned.

"Are you okay Hermione? You look unsteady ..." She said moving towards me. I stopped her with a wave of my hand and caught the chair I had been sitting on for support.

"I .. I haven't been eating well. Maybe reading is taking a toll on me" I said hastily grabbing the dress to try on. Ginny looked unconvinced but still nodded. I was doing this for her. Everyone one wanted to see me happy. If I can't really be happy anymore I can at least pretend. One day maybe the pretence might turn real.

I didn't dare to look at myself in the mirror. It was nothing really. Ginny did all sorts of experiments with my hair cursing every deity I knew. Harry might be a good influence on her. He won't let her swear this often. Though I didn't mind much. I cursed as frequently as much she did. I did everything I could do to hide the love bites and even my cuts. I knew I didn't let Ginny do the makeover for me. I was done living the life of someone whom I wasn't. I wanted to change things. This might be the beginning.

When I stepped out Ginny seemed reading one of my many books sitting cross legged on my bed.

"Is it acceptable or I need to change? I'm telling you I'm not wearing heels, I don't want to trip over my own feet. Ugggh why is this dress so uncomfortable? Is this why I never wore it?" I cursed.

"Mione.." She breathed out standing up.

"I was right when I thought this was going to be a disaster when you applied that yucky syrup on my head. You are so gone, Ginny!" I screeched rushing back to the bathroom when Ginny grabbed my arm.

"Mione Look!" She said throwing me in front of the mirror. I gasped. Ginny did exceptional work with my hair. It was no longer the rat's nest Malfoy called it. It was soft and shiny just like I remember it from 4th year. It cascaded down my back in long waves. It now matched my chocolate orbs and I was overwhelmed. It didn't look unnatural. I looked like myself. Just more sophisticated. I wore a beige coloured chiffon summer dress with polka dots and short sleeves. It had a leather belt and navy blue skirt that just fluttered above my knees. A black bow adorned the back line. My dad really has good taste as to what dress suits me. Oh, how I missed him and his riddles.

"What spell did you use on my hair? I really need to check that book out" I said turning to her and narrowing my eyes. She rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"You look bloody gorgeous and all you care about is the fucking spell." She huffed and ran her hand down my hair.

"You were right. You don't need any makeup. You are beautiful the way you are. People like you for your intellect Mione and for who you are. Never lose that" She said hugging me. I smiled.

"Never" I agreed. "Thank you, Ginny." I murmured.

"Thank me when you get a date. As for the spell, I will tell that to you on one condition" She said smirking.

"What?" I asked alarmed.

"Wear this dress to Hogsmeade this weekend because I just got a letter from Harry. They are coming to Hogsmeade this Saturday" She said positively glowing.

"Is Ron coming too?" I asked and Ginny's face fell.

"He is. He wants to see you" She said.

"No, it's okay. I wanted to see him as well. He might be a prat, He is still my best friend. We have been fighting for a better part of 7 years. He will come around as soon as he realises I'm not coming back to him. He might have the emotional range of a teaspoon but he is not daft. He will understand." I said laughing.

"You forgive too easily Mione," She said shaking her head.

"The war is over Ginny. We are building new lives for ourselves. This is the time we forgive people and move on. I don't want to live in the guilt that I never let some things go. Everybody deserves a second chance. Everyone deserves a better life. War had made all us suffer." I told her and she turned to me and stared at me for a moment.

"Is that what you are doing with Malfoy?" She asked and I had no answer. It was one of the few times I was stunned to silence. And I honestly didn't know what to say.

But I knew he deserved a second chance.

* * *

**_8th September 1998, Tuesday, 5:15 P.M, Great Hall, Hogwarts._ **

The moment the stepped into Transfiguration class everyone was stunned. I was back into my Hogwarts robes. Ginny threatened to hex me if I tried to cover my hair. I held my head high and went and sat down in the first row waiting for Professor McGonagall. Things didn't get any better as the day went on. I got more stares and whisperers. I had casted Langlock on a Slytherin 4th year who dared to comment on my new hairstyle. I almost flipped out another and casted a Bat Bogey Hex on them glaring over them like Hades himself. They scattered and no one dared to incur my wrath again.

Ginny and I were sitting at the Gryffindor table later that day. I managed to shove things into my mouth to save myself this once. Ginny said I was finally picking up Ron's habits. I sent many items off my plate flying at her. She grumbled something along the lines of ungrateful.

"Hey, Hermione!" I heard a shout and someone came barrelling towards us. It was Parvati Patil and I scowled dropping my spoon in my pudding.

"Have .. Have you .. seen the .. Prophet?" She asked panting.

"What?" I asked wiping my mouth and squirming uncomfortably as the entire hall stared at me.

"This," She said shoving that day's Evening Prophet into my hands. I blanched glancing at the headlines.

**TROUBLE IN THE PARADISE: END OF THE WAR TIME ROMANCE**

Yes. What you see is absolutely true. The celebrated romance of our heroes Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley sadly comes to an end. Reports from a reliable source confirm the rumours that have been flying around since last July. From Miss Granger's isolation from wizarding world to Mr Weasley's _escapades,_ Everything has been a sign of the end of this short lived relationship. Mr Weasley who now works with his best friend and the saviour of our world, Mr Harry Potter, in the Auror's Department, has been having trouble adjusting to a life with his girlfriend Miss Granger. The romance that started off some point during the war gave us hopes that they would end up together just like Mr Potter's and Miss Ginevra Weasley's. But apparently, due to _irreconcilable differences_ , the couple have parted ways. But there are speculations that Miss Granger's return to Hogwarts to complete her final year and her closeness to one of the most wanted Bachelors of our nation, Mr Longbottom is a reason for this split. They have been seen several times kissing on cheeks and hugging. Though many brushed it off as brother sister affection, We can see the sparks fly between them two as clear as the day.

I choked on my own saliva. 

The most shocking thing, however, isn't this. The reports of Hogwarts express having technical difficulties was given in last week's edition of Daily Prophet. We have already mentioned Miss Granger's amazing contribution to handling this situation very well. But what sources claim is that she wasn't alone when one of the compartments of Hogwarts express had been damaged ( read the previous edition "WHAT CAUSED HOGWARTS EXPRESS BREAK DOWN: DESTRUCTION OF A COMPARTMENT" ) She was with Mr Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy, one of the death eaters of You-Know-Who's inner circle and a death eater himself. Mr Lucius Malfoy is serving an Azkaban sentence while Mrs Malfoy is under house arrest. Mr Draco Malfoy who had previously spent 3 months in Azkaban has been sent to Hogwarts under strict watch to complete education. The Malfoy's have played an active part in the destruction caused by You-Know-who and have garnered a lot of hatred for it. The question is why a renowned war heroine is spending time with the youngest Death Eater. There are speculations that the two of them have been spending time in remote parts of London, none of which were proved yet. Is it a beginning of a new amour? As neither of the parties was available for comment, we leave this to Reader's imagination.

Henrietta Samson,

Evening Prophet.

The cherry on the top was a photo of me slapping Ron outside my house. The paper fell from my hands and I started hyperventilating. That photo...... My God. It can't be... 

"HERMIONE? What " Ginny started and swooped down to pick up the paper. She turned ghostly pale as she scanned through the article. My heart thumped in fear. I saw people staring at me and recovered pretty quickly. Stay calm. Focus. Think about that photo later. Ask Ron. Think about it later. 

"Neville. We are on the front page. We are making sparks fly with our chemistry." I said and Neville spat out the pumpkin juice he had been drinking.

"Wh..what?" He spluttered and Ginny glared at my antics.

"Is .. is it true?" Parvati asked meekly. I decided that I might have been looking as angry as hell because Neville was staring at me like I was Professor Snape.

"Which one?" I asked and Ginny elbowed me as Parvati's eyes widened. I winced and scowled at Ginny. I sighed.

"Yes. It is true I and Ron broke up. Rest of it is utter nonsensical rubbish. None of it is true and I suggest you believe the same" I said in a perfect imitation on Professor's McGonagall's stern glares.

"I wonder who might have sold us out" I murmured to Ginny after Parvati left.

"Whoever it was...Did you a favour. You needed Ron to get out of your hair. Now he is" She whispered back. I glanced at Neville who was looking uncomfortable with the sudden attention he was getting. I smiled at him apologetically. He shrugged.

"I don't get why they dragged Neville into this," I said angrily.

"He is looking at you," Ginny said.

"Yes. I know. I reassured him nothing is going on. He remained nonchalant like this sudden attention isn't affecting him. He is like my brother. What was the Samson woman thinking?" I said in a hushed whisper. Ginny turned to me remaining silent for a moment. Samson. I heard that name somewhere... I can't place it.

"Who are you talking about?" She asked.

"Who are _you_ talking about?" I asked. She turned abruptly and I followed her line of sight and all my insides squirmed when I met his silver eyes.

"Shit" I murmured as his sudden attention started giving me electric shocks leaving my nerves tingling.

"Double Shit" Ginny murmured back to show me Theo was looking at as well.

"He is going to kill me for this. It was a bloody accident. Nothing is going on" I said agitatedly.

"Harry and Ron are going to kill us for not telling them," Ginny said in a voice devoid of emotion and I groaned.

"There was an article in the Daily Prophet Ginny, That is why they are visiting us this weekend. I haven't been answering the mail you see"

"You must really tell is what the fuck is going on between you and Malfoy" She whispered.

"It is nothing," I said frustrated.

"Mione. You are my friend. I love you. I won't judge you no matter what." She assured me. I finally decided to let go and tell her and nodded. She cast a silencing charm around us.

"I was trapped in the prefect's compartment. I didn't know someone was already there. That, someone, was apparently Malfoy. You know I have been having trouble with darkness" I said and she nodded. When I slept at the burrow I confided her that I can't sleep without lights. "I.. I fainted." I said and she looked surprised.

"You fainted?" She asked.

"Yes. My magic has been unstable lately. It is draining me. Well, when I woke up later, turns out Malfoy actually picked me up and made me sleep on one of the seats. He had the decency to throw a blanket on me" I said slowly. Ginny's blue eyes grew as big as golf balls.

"Holy shit. Draco Malfoy helped you?" She breathed out.

"Yes. He actually did and I .. I thought he had changed. He even asked me if I was okay multiple times. He joked around a bit. Then it turned into an argument. We almost hexed each other. Then the window broke and he saved me by putting himself in front of me. I tried to cast the Patronus to warn you all. I almost collapsed, he helped me again. Before I knew I was asleep and well, woke up thanks to you people. Before you ask, there was only one seat, the other one had been damaged." I said. Ginny didn't speak for a long time.

"Say something. You are scaring me" I said.

"Blimey. You were right Malfoy has changed. I .. I thought that he had done something to you and that's why you were unconscious in his arms... You looked like ... Oh my god. He has been acting nice with you?" She almost shouted. I had to slap my palm over her mouth to stop her.

"Keep it down Ginny. I don't want the entire school to know. But, it doesn't matter anymore" I said dejectedly.

"Why?" She said her voice muffling against my palm and I removed it.

"Why because that night I visited him to say thank you and he cruelly degraded me before Zabini. He called me a mud blood. Yet again" I said and Ginny looked enraged. She was about to jump from her seat when I stopped her.

"Where are you going to?" I asked her.

"I'M GOING TO HEX THAT BASTARD" She cried and I managed to shove her down into her seat.

"Oh calm down Ginny. You still have to hear this out" I said and she glanced at me wearily.

"I was locked down in the room of requirement last week. Someone attacked me" I told her. She looked positively murderous.

"And you are telling me this now?" She asked through gritted teeth. I had been busy with hot and sexy dreams lately.

"Listen to me first. Malfoy saved me again. He warned me to be safe and not everyone likes me. He said he won't save me again. The thing is that it went to a full blown argument that threw us both to the wall and banged our heads. All of a sudden when he had an advantage over me, he just looked at me for a moment and left me there." I said. Ginny screwed up her eyes.

"You are leaving something out" She accused.

"Nothing," I said too quickly.

"Tell me" She demanded.

"He ... He traced my lip with his thumb and left me hanging there trying to decide what the fuck just happened. Ever since I had been avoiding him at all costs" I said. Ginny's jaw dropped open. She stared at me infinitely and looked thoughtful.

"Stay away from him. He is just trouble." She said finally. I was thankful to all the gods that she didn't comment on his actions.

"I can't," I said sighing.

"Why?" She asked watching Pansy shouting at Malfoy, whose eyes were still trained on me, and leaving the hall creating a ruckus.

"Because They have assigned me to assist him with the classes he had missed in 6th and 7th years," I said monotonously and Ginny winced.

"I see another incident coming up. Spill" She said.

"Yes. But there is nothing I can do to avoid this malady" I said. I told Ginny about what happened in Headmistress's office yesterday and she looked as frustrated as I felt.

"Hermione, You are officially screwed" She declared.

"I know." I agreed and closed my eyes in agony.

* * *

**_8th September 1998, Tuesday, 9:35 P.M, Library, Hogwarts._ **

I was trying to scour the library for more reference about the lust spell setting at my favourite nook at the corner of the library where no one ever came. No one knew this spot except for me. Not even Ginny. Maybe Harry. But not Ron. It was cosy and without any noise and shielded from Madam Pince's view and everyone's view by the shelves. I doubt even Madam Pince knew about this place. I found it first in the 2nd year thanks to Malfoy. I came here running to find out more about Muggle borns when he first called me a mud blood. I cried that day. I cried every time he did something vile and foul to me. He gave me no reason to be good to him. But, I can't help it. I wasn't a spiteful person. I knew he had suffered at the hands of his own family, under that mad man. I could give him a chance. After all, I wanted someone to give me a chance when they came to know about my condition.

Books were spread all over the tables and my hair was again sticking out from every angle. I twisted it into a bun and perched it at the top of my head with my hair pin. This was frustrating. There were many spells that matched my condition. Inexplicable attachment, arousal, sudden need to shag, jealousy, no appetite. But nothing matched the dreams nor my magic flares nor the voices growing louder and louder every second driving me crazy. DAMN. I groaned and leaned against my seat closing my eyes. I wasn't able to sleep well with the dreams keeping me up. I didn't want to wake up and masturbate again and again till it was time to go. I want this over and done with. My thoughts turned again to him and I whimpered.

"You make quite a sight," Said a voice making me jump up and drawing my wand. I scanned around to find Draco leaning against the bookshelves watching me closely with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked positively edible and infuriatingly gorgeous. His hair was all messed up. It was a new style he started sporting nowadays. It reminded me of yesterday. He looked adorable at times. All the more reason why should break the spell. Draco Malfoy cannot be adorable.

"Oh. It's you" I mumbled incoherently as relief filled me and I lowered my wand. He smirked. Oh, how I loved it. I was going out of my mind.

"Tut Tut Granger, Didn't war teach you anything?" He asked me in perfect imitation of my voice. I growled at him. He just laughed settling down before me. My eyes went wide in surprise.

"What are you going on about?" I asked suspiciously squirming in my seat. This was turning me on more.

"You shouldn't be putting that wand away" He whispered leaning in towards me. I raised an eyebrow with effort though I didn't show it.

"And why is that?" I asked him in a similar tone.

"I can curse you any minute. You know who I am, don't you? You shouldn't be trusting me" He replied and sat back and extracted something from his pocket.

"I'm not afraid of you," I said.

"You should be," He said nonchalantly examining the green apple he had produced.

"Is it why you are here? To tell me— " I gulped as he bit down the apple with his pale angular jaws flexing and eyes closing savouring the flavour. I was hazy for a moment. Then shook my head. "To tell me to be afraid of you," I asked trying to keep the tremor from my voice. He seemed to love the flavour as he devoured the apple. His gaze never once wavered from me. There goes another pair of my knickers.

"Not really" He replied in between the bites. I was having trouble breathing. I stared at him barely managing the drool. I was extremely irritated with my behaviour as well as extremely aroused.

"Come on. Search for whatever you are searching for. Don't mind me." He prodded the books with a glance at me. I stared at him trying to contemplate what he actually meant and waiting for him to leave. He didn't. He just sat there eating that GODDAMN apple looking at me. Oh, what my lecherous brain would do to be in the place of that apple. MERLIN'S LEFT TESTICLE. I really need to find a cure for the fucking spell.

I tried to read. I really did. He was in his distract Hermione mode and was extremely successful. I gave up trying to read after half an hour of an attempt, crumpling the news paper. It must be about that Goddamn article.

"What is going on with you? Why are you here? If it is about the article... I really didn't know about it. I didn't have one fucking clue. Don't mind those people. As soon as I find that Samson, I'm going to hex her bullocks off. It's nothing" I said gruffly. He chuckled. I was beyond irritated with his weird behaviour.

"You find this amusing? I'm bloody suffering here and restraining myself from jumping .. FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN! If you can't help at least go away before I fucking hex you" I snarled getting up and storming away grabbing my daily prophet.

He was faster than I anticipated anyway. Damn long legs.

"Granger... Granger..Granger" He breathed as he pinned me to one of the bookshelves. One day I'm going to question him about his inexplicable need to pin me against every surface. Another of my fantasies creep up and I moaned. It was too much after a session of hot green apple eating.

"You really should stop thinking about Theo. If you ask him he will be more than happy to solve— " He said raking me with his eyes and I blushed. "Your libido problem," He said distastefully.

"Keep it a little low, Will you?" I asked with difficulty. He cast a wand less silencing charm around us.

"Here," He said placing his hands above my head and caging me again. Why is he so bloody tall? Why was he staring at me like he does it in my dreams? Holy shit did I fall asleep?

"Malfoy" I whispered urgently.

"Hm?" He asked not really paying attention. 

"Pinch me," I asked and he snapped out of his thoughts to stare at me.

"What?" He asked.

"P.I.N.C.H M.E. Here I spelt it out for you" I snapped.

"Why?" He asked amused.

"Do it" I ordered. He cursed under breath muttering bossy know it all. I rolled my eyes. Out of the blue, he pinched my sides and I yelped knocking my head against his chin.

"Ow," We groaned simultaneously. I rubbed my forehead which was still a little sore. Oh my god. This is real.

"What are you even doing here with me? " I asked when I met his gaze and he was still staring at me.

"I came here to talk" He murmured. I saw his pupils dilate and gulped audibly.

"Well.. about what?" I asked counting up to 10. Fuck. Make that 100. I can't do this if he continues to look at me like that.

"You broke up with Weasel?" He asked carefully. I was thrown off guard for a moment.

"What?" I asked stupidly blinking.

"Weasel, Granger. Already forgotten him?" He said rolling his eyes.

"Uh... Yes.. I mean no. I mean yes we broke up" I fumbled. He was close. Too close. No other thought occupied my head than to grab him. It was like I was under Imperius curse. The sane part of my head was screaming to let go but the other one was saying the opposite.

"And you already hit it off with Longbottom. No wonder you were ready to hex me that day" He mused. I was irritated. Why is everyone hooking me up with Neville of all people? Without even thinking twice, I hit him on the head with the news paper I was holding.

"Neville is like my brother! I'm not hitting it off with anyone!" I screeched glaring at him.

Then I realised what I had done. Oh.

His lips were parted and he was staring at me in shock or surprise I didn't know. I was growing paler by every moment.

"Malfoy .. I .." I started. He effectively cut me off.

He leaned in and kissed me making the rest of the world disappear.

* * *

**End Notes:**

Here we go, people. This is probably the longest chap I ever wrote. Special thanks to my dear dear geek friend who had helped me a lot with this chapter. Love you all. And thank you for the hits and kudos

Love,

Alex


	6. Requests

**Author Notes:**

Hello, my dear readers! I must say I am overwhelmed with your response! I can't ask for more. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. For views, comments, bookmarks, subscriptions and kudos. I am content if you are enjoying this story and want me to continue. Any issues or questions comment. I reply almost instantly. And any suggestions are always welcome.

However, there was an issue with one of the readers.(FF.NET PEOPLE NOT HERE!!)  It was mentioned that I have destroyed everything good about Hermione and this is not how things happen in real life and I am just a kid. I already mentioned, My Hermione has faced a lot. She is at her breaking point. Her sanity is hanging by threads. It is her determination that is helping her hold on, if only for a little while. THERE ARE REASONS FOR THAT. I CAN'T REVEAL THEM JUST YET. As for things in real life, I am in the right place, aren't I? This is FICTION. Not everything here is real. Thank you very much. I am an adult. My country's standards deemed me as an adult, years ago. Just to be clear, Would you like if a 90-year-old woman wrote this fic? Will it meet your age requirement?

My characters are the way I planned they should be. They might seem OOC. I really don't mind. It's entirely up to your wish if you read this fic. I'm done compelling people. I am extremely THANKFUL to people to take the time to read my story and like it even though it seems like a mess. Don't like it? Don't read it. I do it all the time. THANK YOU for listening to me rant.

LOVE LOVE AND LOTS OF LOVE, 

Alex.

PS. It's the week of love folks. Happy Valentine's Day!

* * *

 **Disclaimer** **:**  I do not own anything. Harry Potter is all the property of J.K. Rowling. I'm just playing with her characters. I do not make any profit with this fan fiction.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Requests**

**_8th September 1998, Tuesday, 10:12 P.M, Library, Hogwarts._ **

It was like ice and fire. Both at once. Both burning me.

It was like as if a lightning bolt had struck me, like the waves of the ocean had swallowed me into their depths.

It felt like the first shower of rain on a barren desert.

His kiss made me feel alive. It was nothing like anything I felt earlier. And before I know, it consumed me.

Electricity sparked up every nerve of mine and I felt my magic surge like a tycoon in me. Just waiting. Ready to burst. My heart pounded away wildly as desire clouded my senses. I knew he was all wrong. I knew this was all wrong. I wasn't supposed to happen. Illusions make things change and in my case, I could do nothing but succumb to his kiss and respond as passionately as I could.

I didn't even realise when my hair came down until his fingers were buried deeply, tangling in my locks. His lips were softer than what I had expected. It was a million times better than the dream. Everything felt real. His hair felt as soft as silk underneath my fingertips. His kisses felt passionate and intense. We were both holding on to each other for dear life as his tongue slipped into my mouth and my moan was silenced with the scorching kiss.

We drew back panting for air. His forehead was against mine and every breath he took was making me want more and more of him. I was out of all rational thoughts at this moment. All I could think is how his skin would feel against mine without any barrier. I wanted to touch him. That thought was making the fire spread through my veins. When he opened his eyes to show me those stormy grey orbs, I swear a sharp throb hit my core and I gasped in need.

It was too much. I wanted him. I needed him. Nothing else. He gave out a ragged chuckle listening to me. My heart skipped a beat or two. Dear Merlin. Why was he this sexy? Or is it just me? No. Even a blind person can tell that he was Adonis himself. He placed his long index finger against my lips and looked at me. Just looked at me. I couldn't even get myself to move a single inch.

"Shh," He murmured with a husky voice that tightened everything south of my body. At this point, He could ask me to jump off a cliff and I would. It was finally starting to clear the haze.

Before I could even react his strong arms grabbed me and wrapped my legs around his lean waist, giving me the friction I craved and him the leverage he wanted. He pressed himself against me and I whimpered in hot desperate need. I wanted something. Anything. Anything that will soothe this fire. I was feeling hot all over and he wasn't helping things. With one more look that destroyed my knickers, he swooped in again to kiss me like never before. It was hot, needy and everything that was required for a girl to lose her mind. I ground against him wantonly and he retaliated by tugging on my lower lip deliciously. I moaned out too loud this time. It served as a trigger and things escalated pretty quickly after that.

His lips descended to my neck sucking, nipping and biting. My hands were fisted in his hair as I drew him closer. His fingers tightened on my thighs. Just there, with enough pressure to make me crazy in anticipation. I wanted him to take me. Right here. Right now. Nothing more. His teeth tugged on the sweet spot at the junction of my neck and shoulder, increasing my arousal ten folds. He discovered it just yesterday and it never failed to make me groan and whimper.

That was when it hit me. How did he know that very spot?

Thoughts as clear as day came rushing to me. I pushed him off with all the strength I could muster. He stumbled from the unexpected shove and I tried my best not to crumple on the floor when he lost his hold on me. He was panting, looking lost for a moment. He slowly raised his head and met my gaze.

I almost screamed. The voices. They ... they were back. NO. Oh my god. No. Not now. Not here. My head felt like it would explode. Voices of every kind. Every tone. High or low. Deep or shrill. Female or male. Everything was there in that horrible mix. There were screams. There were pained moans. There were shouts, howls. I clutched my head, closing my eyes desperately wishing them to go away.

"Hermione?" He asked in a voice that acted like a salve. It was the very first time, I heard him call me by my given name. I looked at him and flattened myself against the wall when I noticed it. His eyes... They looked like mine when the spell was too strong. He was breathing heavily and staring at me with wide eyes, pupils dilated. What I saw in his eyes was something foreign. It was fear. Fear for me. Something was wrong.

The spell. No.. Could he? Holy Merlin.

He reached out to me. It was then I snapped. This shouldn't be happening. It was forbidden. It wasn't meant to be. I .. I can't do this and forgive myself later. No.

Without another thought or looking at him, I grabbed my things and ran for dear life.

* * *

**_8th September 1998, Tuesday, 10:35 P.M, New Castle, Hogwarts._ **

I was sitting on the floor of my room, staring blankly at the walls, trying to figure out what just happened. I.. I was in the library reading. Then Malfoy came in. Sat in front of me eating a bloody green apple. No, devouring it happily. Then before I knew I had hit him on the head with my daily prophet and .. Sweet Circe! He kissed me. For real. My God. Oh my god. I kissed him back.

The realisation hit me like a hurricane and I cradled my head in my hands in despair. THIS FUCKING STUPID SPELL. It is wrecking my life. Had I been in my right mind, I wouldn't even have kissed him. We would have been in the hospital wing gravely injured or something. We can't stand each other without hexing for 5 minutes. What is wrong with him? I didn't know Draco Malfoy liked aggressive girls.

Of course, I didn't. All I know is Draco Malfoy has only one type for now at least. Me.

Thanks to the infuriating damn spell that hit _us_ both.

Damn Malfoy for being so adept at hiding it.

Damn him for not realising that I am lusting after him. Not Theo.

That .. that kiss shouldn't have happened. I wasn't worried about kissing him and tainting myself or something. It was that .. that kiss shouldn't have felt that way. It was all consuming, mind numbing and toe curling. It was addictive and nothing like I had experienced before. It was this feeling in my gut that was making me heave for air. I felt connected to him on a level I didn't understand. It was scaring me. I hated not knowing things.

This spell was confusing me. It is not there in any of the books. I haven't considered the fact that it might be dark magic. Dark magic leaves marks on the soul. Traces, like scars after an accident. It can't be a dark spell. It doesn't have any residual darkness hanging around it. If there was anything, I would have felt it. Just like the Horcrux. But I knew, It is the time I break this spell once and for all.

No one messes with Hermione Granger and gets away with it. I felt determined. This time, I won't succumb to his administrations. We will talk. I will figure this out and I swear I will kill the bastards behind this. How dare they hook me up with Malfoy of all people? I don't deny he is hot but... Oh, Merlin. This spell is messing my judgement. He is a Malfoy. That's enough reason to stay away from him. I really thought of giving him a chance. That included being cordial to him rarely and out of his way, Not fantasising about jumping him.

I fell asleep dreading the night mares. Bellatrix was there yet again. I will never get used to her. I could recognise that hair and the crazed glint in her eyes anywhere. I knew her features better than mine. I lay there, bleeding on the floor as she carved that horrible word on me. I didn't scream for the first time. I won't give that bitch the satisfaction. She will never have it from now on. I will not crumple to her demands. I am stronger than this. Another step forward. Another step towards the light.

I look at Draco watching me with barely hidden horror. He will always be there. No matter what. It will always pain me that he refused to help me just to save his hide.

These people around me were monsters. They were murderers. Draco might not be like them. He was no better. He could have protested. He didn't. He just went on with it. I always thought he could be redeemed... The incident with Bellatrix had shattered my hopes once and for all. What Dumbledore's death couldn't do... His simple look of pure loath did. He looked down at me like I did deserve her torture that day... It was something I was trying hard to forgive. Trying being the operative word. The spell wasn't making things easier for me.

Then he nods. Again. And everything vanishes as I prepare myself for the confrontation.

We were standing in the dimly lit 7th-floor corridor. I find myself staring at him trying to figure what's going on in his head. His thumb traces my lower lip and my heart skips a beat. I manage to compose myself and continue to look at him. It was then I was taken aback by the sudden display of emotions on his face. Malfoy wasn't very emotional. He always put on a stony face and rarely showed people what he was feeling since the war. Apparently, I am not one of them.

I saw relief flicker in eyes. Then fear and then longing. The same thing I saw, when I left him in the prefect's compartment. Could this spell have been casted on us then? I had started feeling strange since that day...

Out of the blue, pulling me out of my thoughts He hugged me, knocking the wind out of me. He was sighing and murmuring something I couldn't understand. His nose was buried in the crook of my neck and I was really trying to find a way to keep my sanity intact. For that, I needed to be at an arm's length from him.

"Malfoy. Release me." I whispered. He just tightened his hold, shaking his head vehemently, like a child feared of letting go of his mother. It unnerved me. This was so unlike him. What is going on? Why.. Why did this seem so familiar? I asked myself as my heart constricted in an emotion I didn't comprehend.

"Malfoy" I breathed again. "I can't .. breathe," I said. He moved a little and released me, going back to stand and look at me.

"You are back," He said jubilantly. It was like Christmas came early. Oh, Draco. What is this spell doing to you? It was harder to breathe now. Even harder than when he hugged me.

"I am" I replied.

"Thank Merlin. I .. I thought you were gone. You were angry .. I called you several times. You just ran .. I was so .." He said stammering. Malfoy was losing sense altogether.

"Malfoy. Calm down" I said reaching him. This spell is strong. Whatever it is. He can't bear the fact that I ran away from him. This is serious. We need help.

"I .. I was," He said weakly. I wrapped my arms around him. It didn't feel unnatural. That fact was odd.

"Draco" I murmured and he looked at me. I was ready to do whatever I could to help him when I saw him vulnerable under my gaze. He was losing it. That's why he was hiding it. His condition was worsening.

"Come with me" I whispered and he nodded. I took him to the room of requirement and made him sit on the bed with me. He didn't want to let me go. He just crumpled there, holding on to me with his head in my lap.

"I .. I shouldn't have done that. Came to tell...Hmm..I scared you off... Couldn't hold back... Reminded me ..." He mumbled before drifting back to sleep. I didn't have to heart to push him away. Clearly, it wasn't just the spell that was bothering him. He came to talk to me about something. He was agitated and I wondered how he will respond when he comes back to his senses. He hardly seems the type of guy who is this unguarded in front of someone.

I sighed. I couldn't just let him go. Break this spell and get rid of him. There is more to Draco than that meets the eye. Something must have happened in these 4 months. He is acting too different. Even during his trial, he was rigid and withdrawn from me. He was in Azkaban for a good part of those months. What could have happened there? It is unnatural to have an earth shattering revelation in such short span.

Maybe he is just like me? I thought surprised. Maybe the war had taken a toll on him too. In some other way. I can .. I can help him. After all, I am the only one in front of whom he oddly opens up.

I just don't fucking get it. Why me? It can't be the spell alone. There is something, even more, stronger going on here. I haven't got a clue, Maybe ... Maybe he does? I thought, looking down at the angelic face sleeping peacefully clutching me for dear life.

I will fix you Draco. I promised to myself. I will figure this out and get us out of this mess.

Because I know. I know how it is like to be broken.

* * *

I was reading Hogwarts A History, which I conjured up with the room of requirement, calming my arousal from hitting the sky. He was adorable while sleeping. I watched him in fascination for a good hour as he parted those lips, that were better than most of the girls here and gave out little puffs of air. He tossed and turned much, taking me down with him every single time. I managed to get up anyway. He kept mumbling things. It was then I realised he talks in his sleep. I couldn't make out a single word. I gave up trying after a while.

"Ugh" I sighed as he pulled me down to him again. He is relentless in having me under him. His arms were wrapped around my waist holding me to him tightly. I was losing myself to his fragrance. I hummed and finally gathered up the wits to pull away, though I would love nothing more than lay with him.

"I can't let you go again. Don't go this time. I won't survive this time. " He mumbled and I stilled, taking a sharp breath. He opened his eyes groggily and smiled at me sleepily.

"I .. I am not going" I stammered. Again? As far as I remember I ran away from him. It's not exactly letting me go.

"Hmm," He said sighing happily as his hands crept up like wines.

"Malfoy?" I asked. No response.

"Malfoy?" I asked again. He bristled but made no sound.

"FOR GOD SAKE DRACO! Stop trying to unbutton my shirt!" I cried out in frustration.

He pouted. I had to look away to control myself and not jump at him.

"Wake up you sleepy head!" I snapped and he laughed.

"I am awake as well as my other parts. Thanks to you" He murmured looking down at himself. Oh. I blushed furiously.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to" I mumbled. This was embarrassing. I came here to talk. Not to let him shag my brains out.

"I did," He said with a wicked glint in his eye and I almost lost it. Almost.

"Not now" I stonily and he frowned. I never had the conscience to say no until now.

"Hm?" He asked confused.

"We need to talk," I said. He looked even more confused if that was that.

"About what?" He said releasing me finally. I greedily gulped in air to clear my head as we both sat up.

"The spell... I know it has hit you too" I said and he winced staying silent for several long agonising moments.

"I knew I couldn't hide it from you. I just hoped it would be a little longer" He said running a hand through his now tousled hair.

"You should have told me. We could have found a cure for it together" I suggested and he looked at me pointed.

"Tell me, Granger, Do you think I haven't scoured the library for a cure or what this spell is actually? Let me tell you. I am not a dunderhead. I have searched the entire bloody place. There is nothing useful here." He snapped. Finally. Finally, the Malfoy I knew was returning. I was never this happy with him.

"What about the restricted section?" I asked.

"That I left to you. After all, I agreed to more torture with you and risking the sanity of my head, for a chance of a tour in the restricted section" He said leaning back against the head board and crossing his arms.

"How very chivalrous of you" I muttered.

"I heard that" He replied and I rolled my eyes.

"Who do you think hit us with this spell?" I asked.

"It's not anyone here at Hogwarts." He said simply.

"How do you know that?" I asked. He stared at me.

"Do you think these blubbering fools could have cooked up something to get us both down to our knees?" He asked.

"We can't rule out your Slytherin pals, can we? They are adept in magic Merlin knows how powerful" I said and He smirked sinfully.

"I assure you, Granger, the Slytherins don't even know one fourth of what I know," He said slowly. I stared at him cautiously.

"What do you know?" I asked. There was that smirk again.

"Curious much?" He taunted.

"Malfoy" I warned and he conceded.

"I was trained to be a Death Eater by the best. After all, I was their youngest death eater. And that Half blood wanted to punish me for not killing Dumbledore. " He said slowly and in a low voice.

"By the best?" I asked as fear slowly made its presence known.

"You rather not know," He said looking at me. I already had a guess seeing his reluctance.

"Who?" I pressed.

"My father and .. the Lestranges" He replied vaguely. I knew the very Lestrange he meant.

"Oh" Was all I could manage. Would I see that maniacal woman every time I see him now that I know she shaped him up?

"Granger" He murmured grabbing me unexpectedly and making me sit on his lap.

"I am not them. They are my family. I can't change who they are" He said. I looked at him.

"You can change who you are," I said staring at his face.

"That, I can try," He said wrapping his arms around me and placing his chin on the top my head.

"We need to break this spell," I said sounding agitated at the close proximity.

"See the restricted section as soon as Snape arranges it," He said. I nodded.

"You did something to your hair" He murmured distastefully.

"You don't like it?" I asked surprised.

"I like your rat's nest the way it is. It's all part of your charm. You look beautiful the way you are. " He said and with a flick of his wand, my curls returned. Curling his fingers into my locks, he sighed.

"This is better," He said content. My heart skipped a beat. Ron wanted me to get pretty and dolled up. No .. None ever told me I looked beautiful the way I was. Apart from Ginny and my parents. It surprised me and made me happy. I felt my heart swell with happiness.

"We could fix that" I murmured just like yesterday and he growled.

"Stop teasing me, witch" He warned pulling me back against him. I felt his erection digging into my behind and a wave of arousal hit me. I whimpered. I scrambled away from him. Get a grip, Hermione.

"The spell is getting worse," I said gasping for air. He sighed in frustration.

"Shall .. Shall I talk to Theo?" He suggested gritting his teeth.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" I cried. He jumped in surprise looking around.

"What? What happened?" He asked with his wand at ready.

"You haven't figured it out yet?" I asked. I rolled my eyes. "Are you that thick to think that I will let you anywhere near me if I was actually lusting after Nott?" I questioned. He looked shell shocked for several minutes.

Then the light returned to his eyes. And there went my plans to not to let him near me.

In one fluid motion, he grabbed and had me pinned to the bed with his weight. Oh lord. He looked at me, those grey eyes locking with my chocolate brown ones. He didn't even let me breathe in after that. He captured my lips with renewed passion as all my resolutions faded into nothingness.

The thing is, kissing Draco Malfoy is like playing with the fire even when you know you will get burnt and even when you know it's dangerous. You can't help it because he is good at what he is doing to me. He was slowly killing me with the passion. And I, like a blubbering fool was succumbing to his touch. His kisses. His taste. Him

"Malfoy" I breathed as his hands roamed my torso. His simple touch was setting me on fire. I couldn't even start to describe what I was feeling right now.

"We .. We need to stop," I told him in between the kisses and groans. Oh dear lord. This is extraordinary.

"Yes," He agreed not pausing a minute to nip my ear lobe. I thrashed against him.

"Malfoy" I half moaned and half shouted.

"Draco" He corrected with his oh so sexy voice.

"DRACO" I cried as he said when he found that spot on my neck again to mark me.

"Better" He murmured rolling over to pull me on top.

Taking that as my lucky chance, I gathered up all my determination and scooted off him. Damn his strong arms. He caught me with almost no effort, pulling me back against him.

I glowered at no one in particular as he spooned me from behind, holding me tight. Ron never did that. He hated the fact that my hair can have a penchant to irritate anyone's nose.

"Granger. Your hair is a riot. I swear, I swallowed one strand" He said sounding amused as well as grumpy at the same time.

"You won't die" I grumbled drily.

"Salazar help me!" He cried suddenly. "HELP! GRANGER'S HAIR IS CHOKING ME!" He shouted dramatically. I laughed at his antics.

"Shouldn't have held me this way, then" I said chuckling as I heard more cries of help and gagging.

"Oh quit it will you? I know you didn't swallow anything. My hair won't kill you" I said exasperatedly. His laughter caught me off guard. His chest rumbled with it and I felt it. Believe it or not, It felt oddly familiar. When did this happen?

"You will be the death of me Granger," He said finally shaking his head. "You smell so nice" He murmured.

"How do I smell like?" I asked curiously.

"Like you always smell" He replied. Did he smell me before? Maybe earlier. We had many encounters this year.

"Like?" I prompted and he chuckled.

"Ever the curious book worm" He teased. I elbowed him and he yelped.

"OKAY!" He answered. "Lilies. You smell like Lilies " He said quietly.

"It's probably my shampoo" I mumbled reaching out to sniff my hair self consciously. The riot of curls will never settle down. But he likes it! Why do I care if he does?

"No. It's just you" He said earnestly. I turned in his arms to see him.

"The spell is changing you," I said searching his face for the malice I was accustomed to seeing.

"Maybe it is" He replied leaning his forehead against mine. Our hearts were beating in a synchronised rhythm.

"What I would do to make this real!" He said, his breath caressing my face. For a person with such cold exterior, he was surprisingly warm.

"What if.. What if I said this is real?" I asked slowly. His eyes met mine.

"What?" He asked surprised.

"This is not just a dream. I think... our minds are connected somehow" I said uncertainly when I spotted that incredulous look on his perfect face.

"Connected? You do realise how ludicrous you sound right?" He said barking out a laugh.

"I'm not joking Draco. No dream can be this vivid and realistic. I remember every single thing what happened after I wake up" I reasoned.

"You mean it's _your_ dream?" He asked arching his eyebrow.

"Isn't it?" I asked carefully.

"It is my dream," He said slowly backing away.

"Another reason as to why this is real. It is our dream. We are in this together. We are dreaming of the same thing" I cried.

"This is sheer insanity. I don't believe this!" He snapped.

"Come on Malfoy! I have been sporting those love bites you put on me yesterday! Covering those things up with glamour charms!" I shouted. He grinned like a lunatic.

"Really? I would like to see them" he said scooting closer and I pushed him away in disgust.

"I am trying to be serious here!" I said exasperatedly.

"Okay! But, Granger, I am just dreaming this. That's it. Under the spell or not, You won't come near me. It is Theo you are attracted to, all right. I am just dreaming this all up" He said.

"For someone as intelligent as you, You can be exceptionally thick," I said glaring at him.

"Did you just call me intelligent?" He said wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Give it a rest. We don't want to inflate your already inflated ego" I snapped.

"You wound me, Granger," He said, lamenting like a drama queen. I laughed. He is just so insane at times. Then it returned to me. The person I am seeing is not him. It's the spell. He thinks it's his dream. That's why he is acting all strange. He needs to see it for real. I have to make him believe in real life. It's pointless to even if I put up an argument here, except that he might just wish to end the dream altogether and put me out of my misery. That won't help me in long term. If what he said he actually true, then I might just need to talk to him about my tour in the restricted section. But how?

"Malfoy?" I asked as the idea struck me. He was busy twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers.

"Hm?" He asked absentmindedly.

"What are you doing tomorrow evening?" I asked. He stopped playing with my hair and looked up to meet my gaze.

"Why Granger? Planning to take me on a date?" He asked smirking. I rolled my eyes heavenward.

"Malfoy," I said sternly.

"Fine" He huffed. "I will be doing nothing like always and stay holed up in my room." He said nonchalantly.

"You are not helping in the repair works?" I asked.

"No. Fortunately. I have been exempted from the labour since everyone seems to jump at the sight of me and also everyone thinks I might add some _extensions_ to the castle" He said dryly.

"Extensions? To Hogwarts? You? I doubt even Professor McGonagall can do that. Professor Dumbledore might have. But we can't. Honestly, has no one read Hogwarts a History" I said.

"Apparently." He said raising his eyebrows. "Probably they decided not to since you already recite the book to everyone whenever you get the chance?" He said flippantly rolling his eyes. I narrowed my eyes at him and threw the pillow at him. He had the nerve to laugh.

"What? You do that don't you?" He said chuckling. Hearing him actually laugh and not snicker was strange. It was probably the way his entire features seemed to change when he did that or just him, I was enthralled every single time. I couldn't take my eyes off him.

"What Granger? Cat got your tongue?" He teased smirking. I looked at him curiously.

"That... was very Muggle of you Malfoy," I said donning a teasing smile. He looked alarmed. Well, that was suspicious.

"Bloody Muggle studies classes. These bastards are converting me!" He growled.

"You say like it's something bad" I replied.

"Yes. These people will die of shock if Draco Malfoy does something out of character. Like saying muggle phrases. They will send me to St. Mungo's or they will go there themselves" He said barking out a laugh. No one really believes he can change? Come to think of it ... They might be right... No. Malfoy is changing, spell or no spell. There are subtle changes in his demeanour. Something must have happened. I am sure of it.

"Since when do you care about what others think? The Malfoy I knew will never get down that high horse and care what others think" I commented.

"Appearances matter Granger. At least in my case, They really do" He said with a wry smile.

"Is it why you are spending all your time in your room?" I asked.

"People are boring Granger. All they do is point out at me and remind me of what I have done like I don't know it already. The only time I actually go out is when I set out to hunt you and drive you insane" He said.

"Why me?" I actually whined. He picks on me every time.

"Because you have interesting reactions," He said and quickly added noticing my menacing glare. "The spell isn't helping me either"

"You sly snake" I mumbled. As if on cue he gave a sly wink.

"In your room tomorrow eh?" I asked. He inclined his head in acknowledgement.

"Hmm... What's your password?" I asked. He stiffened noticeably.

"Why?" He asked. I could see the changes in his face. He was putting his walls up. He was sensing danger. His eyes searched my face with caution, then the room, like this was some ploy to mess with him.

"To show you something," I said watching him closely. He was alert, noticing everything about me. When he didn't respond, I said. "Malfoy, trust me, I am not trying to kill you or something. You can count on me. Give me your password. I will stop by your room tomorrow. If I do .. or even if I don't, you can change it." I assured him. He didn't seem to buy it.

"How do I know this isn't some trick?" He said coldly.

"Take the chance and see for yourself tomorrow" I replied crossing my arms over my chest.

"If something goes wrong, I will find whoever you are, who is messing with my head and kill you for real" He warned.

"Very well," I said with a curt nod. He gazed at me for a long time before relenting. He mumbled something I didn't understand.

"Sorry," I asked.

"Cassiopeia," He said locking his eyes with mine. I stopped breathing at once. I .. I felt strange. It was an odd reaction. Like I experienced this before. It was like I was soaring. I felt exhilarated.

And I didn't know why.

"Isn't that a constellation?" I breathed out with difficulty. Keep it cool Hermione. Don't show him that you are a lunatic. I thought as the voices came back with vengeance. My head was pounding.

"It is," He said quietly.

"Why did you choose that?" I asked, staring at him. What is happening to me? My vision was blurring and I was quite literally seeing stars. Darkness was clouding me. It was difficult to breathe suddenly. I felt this before. When?

He parted his lips, contemplating to say something.

Before he could, I woke up in my bed sweating. I scrambled out of my bed and walked to the bathroom. I stared at my reflection shedding all the charms and took a step back. I was deathly pale and looked like I had seen a ghost. There were dark circles under my eyes and several purplish bruises on my neck.

It wasn't that which shocked me. It was the tears that were streaming down my face after what felt like months. The voices, the paranoia, the confusion was driving me to insanity. But why was I feeling pain? Like I lost something profound. I was choking me with overwhelming grief. It was nothing I understood or felt before. I sank down on the floor unable to think anything and lost conscious.

* * *

**_9th September 1998, Wednesday, 5:02 A.M, New Castle, Hogwarts._ **

I woke up to Crooks licking my face. I sat up groggily taking in my surroundings as yesterday's events crashed upon me. I was still on my bathroom floor and thank Merlin, the voices had left me alone. Nothing was making sense. Not anymore. Everything I felt till now, had something to do with the war. Yesterday, it was something else. What was that even about?

It haunted my thoughts the entire day. Something wasn't adding up. What does a constellation have to do with this? How can it be a trigger? There are very few things which can drain me and bring the voices back. Like darkness and memories. Why a constellation? I spent my free time trying to see if I had the same reaction with all constellations. Nothing at all. It felt like I had gone through them recently. I might have. My father and I did like to gaze at the sky and he had many books on it. A few names held my interest like never before. But, they didn't make the voices split my head into two. Not like Cassiopeia did.

I was in the library trying to hide from Ginny and find something useful about the spell. Whatever Malfoy did, My hair was back to normal and people gave me curious looks yet again. And it was bugging me. No wonder Harry hates being the centre of attraction. The gossips never end. And thanks to that Samson woman, Neville was being targeted as well. I didn't get a chance to ask him about his Herbology partner he was ranting about. Fat chance, It's probably someone from the Slytherin bunch.

There were cat calls every time I walked past a group. Someone had the audacity to call me Mrs Longbottom. I glared at him. I was walking past a few Slytherins, trying hard to keep my anger in check when they yelled. Whore. I whirled around and marched right to them.

"You filthy ..." I started whipping out my wand.

"Little bastards," A voice said and those Slytherins were pinned against the wall, their feet dangling. They were trying too hard to free themselves and shouting profanities. I knew who did that. I was hit by the spell myself.

"LET US GO MALFOY" One of the boys yelled out, straining against the magic. He just stood there leaning against one of the statues examining me. I stared at those people and him. Merlin, he was powerful. He was holding all these people captive with no effort at all. Wand less Magic on top of that. I had a good reason to believe what he said earlier. _I was trained by the best_.

"Don't you have any other job to do than to pick on people and gossip like witches?" He asked sounding bored. The boy, probably of 5th year, laughed out sarcastically.

"Standing up for your Whore now are we?" He asked. I saw fire flash in Malfoy's Stormy grey orbs.

"You don't want to mess with me" Malfoy warned.

"We all know, all you can do is make empty threats" Another shouted. I saw Malfoy's arm twitching contemplating to draw his wand out and hex them.

"Go on. We would love to see your coward ass kicked out" They sneered. I looked at him to find him clenching his jaw shut. He will get expelled for this for sure. Besides, I can handle these fools myself. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he jumped like I had burnt him. Didn't he kiss me yesterday?

"Relax. It's them who should be afraid right now" I murmured.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Release them" I replied. He stared at me for a moment before letting them fall to the ground with a resounding thud.

"YOU!" That annoying jerk called out barrelling towards us, hurling hexes at us. This time I didn't hesitate at all. Neither did Malfoy. We both shielding against the attack and dodged almost every spell. Until I missed one aimed at me.

"Out of the way Granger" Malfoy shouted shoving me towards the side. I would have mistaken it for an ordinary curse until I heard Malfoy's cry in pain. His crisp Oxford was soaking with blood near his abdomen. Terror gripped me. I felt like the world was collapsing, as he leaned against the wall. He was doubling in pain and I stood there not able to think of anything else. Anger boiled up in me. The spell... The rational part of me was saying. The curse had me undone. I felt nothing but blazing fury.

They were grinning in victory when I seized the opportunity and sent a full body bind jinx towards them. They were twitching on the floor as I casted repeated stinging hexes on them. I walked up to them anger clouding my sense of judgement.

"I guess this will teach you to keep your mouths shut. Or else I will be forced to report this to the headmistress. This was no unprovoked attack. Whatever you had planned to hit me was no normal magic was it?" I questioned as his face paled. "Stay out of my way," I said and casted a bat bogey hex on them, releasing the hold on them. I knew it will just provoke them to attack me later, But I had to do it. How .. How dare they hit him?

"Malfoy... Are you okay?" I asked rushing to him. He was there clutching his wound. He nodded closing his eyes.

"Get lost Granger" He murmured angrily. And it finally snapped me. The spell had its moment and now my head was starting to clear. Such a bastard. I was here, breaking all the school rules because of him and that stupid spell and he was being an ungrateful bastard.

"You are just so mercurial. Not to mention pathetic. Suit yourself" I snapped and got up to leave. "And next time you try to do something chivalrous, make sure it doesn't involve saving me. I can fight my battles Malfoy. Get a grip" I said coldly and left without another word.

* * *

**_9th September 1998, Wednesday, 4:22 P.M, Library, Hogwarts._ **

Now in the Library, I was cursing the bane of my existence for putting me in this very situation where I can't decide whether to kiss him or kill him. I was scribbling away on a piece of parchment my Arithmancy essay which was due next month mumbling about that slimy git. He kissed me yesterday! KISSED ME and had the audacity to snap at me. What does he even think of himself? Stupid Malfoy. He was such an arrogant jerk with nothing but an ego that reaches astronomical heights. Why was I even thinking about him? This homework was exciting and very challenging. Just like I prefer it. I should be enjoying this. If I could snap that ferret's neck, it would be much better. I could tie him to a wall post or something ..flat and ...

"Well Granger, You look like you are plotting a murder. Someone is going to die a very painful death eh?" A voice said and I jumped knocking my ink pot off. I cursed when it rolled down splattering ink all over the library's floor. Casting a quick scourgify, I prayed all the gods I knew to not to let Madam Pince know about this.

"The nest is back again?" He commented and I straightened up.

"Nott," I said acknowledging the handsome brunette before me and again cursing Malfoy for letting me know of Nott's little fascination with me. Though I know it's all a farce. He won't like me in a hundred life times.

"Granger," He said smirking and inclining his head.

"What brings you here?" I asked scanning the library for any trace of a blond mop. Thank heavens it wasn't there. But, I saw Zabini lurking in one of the corners, stealing glances at us every other minute.

"You look ready to run you know? Relax Granger. I don't bite" He said smirking yet again.

"I'm not running away. I am just weighing my options for a quick escape" I said distractedly as I watched Luna appear out of nowhere.

Zabini noticed that I caught him looking at us. He quickly looked away and busied himself with searching for a book in one of the shelves.

"So soon? I haven't even started yet" He said. I turned my attention to him.

"Started what?" I asked narrowing my eyes.

"Talking" He replied. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the sight of a blonde. I craned my neck for a better view. Luna. She slowly sneaked up on Zabini, who was engrossed in some book. I hid a chuckle as Luna greeted him with the eerie little tune she hums. Zabini jumped and looked like Luna had scared the living daylights out of him.

"So, Granger what do you say?" Nott asked pulling me back to our conversation.

"I'm sorry, What?" I asked stupidly. Nott smiled shaking his head. Merlin's beard! What's up with these people? Why are they smiling instead of sneering all of a sudden?

"You didn't hear a word I said, Did you?" He asked, with that gorgeous smile still on his face.

"Um. No sorry" I mumbled embarrassed.

"The thing is Granger, I was actually wondering if you could help me with something," He said running a hand through his hair.

"What is it?" I asked curiously. My help? For what?

"You see, I haven't been doing too well in Arithmancy," He said slowly. I frowned. Didn't Professor Vector praise him last week for his essay?

"Arithmancy? You are good at it. I have seen it myself" I said looking at him curiously. It was true, He was my partner on several occasions over the years.

"I was. Now I am not even able to do a simple task set by Professor Vector. I really need some help. You I won't approach you if I didn't need it desperately." He said.

"I know .. But." I started.

"My grades are dropping Granger. If this continues, I cannot fulfil the requirements for my dream job. I know it all sounds horribly cliché, But it is true. I'm desperate Granger. I will do anything if you help me" He requested.

"But, You can always ask someone else..Why me?" I asked looking around for a way out. I had no problem helping him out. I doubt he will make me do his work like Harry and Ron did. But, What about Malfoy then?

"Really...Granger? Is there anyone better than you at Hogwarts?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"I don't understand this. There are many who are better at Arithmancy. Like .. Like Malfoy!" I said wincing at once.

"Granger? Are you okay?" He asked suddenly. I stared at him dumbfounded.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because Draco hasn't attended a single Arithmancy class since the start of the year," He said searching my face for any recollection. Hadn't he? I thought I had seen him. I even remember him solving a few difficult problems. What the hell? He had been my partner once last week. I had even helped him. My God. That didn't happen?

"I .. I am fine. It might have slipped out of my mind." I muttered. What is going on? I swear I had helped him. He didn't talk much though. I remember trying hard to keep my eyes off him. I ended up gazing at him the entire time.

"Are you sure?" He asked sounding really concerned. He must be thinking I am some sort of nutcase. Merlin. What is happening to me? Is it all PTSD or something else is going on?

"Yes. I am good" I said sitting up straight and smiling at him. He frowned. Who am I fooling? Nott is no dunderhead. "Nott, I really don't think I can spare some time to you. I already accepted tutoring someone else" I replied. Yes, I was bargained to tutor that ferret and it's highly unlikely he shows up and if he does its highly unlikely that we won't end up in bed doing things we shouldn't be doing .. MERLIN. I really need to stop thinking.

"A little time?" He asked. Damn these persuasive snakes. I was actually weighing the pros and cons. I have a lot on my plate right now. Malfoy, the spell and well, my condition. And Nott didn't seem much trouble. Ginny won't shout at me for helping him. Harry knows better than to cross Ginny and Ron, He can do anything he wants to. And this is my choice, I really don't care what they think. I sighed. No one really approaches me for help cause I make them do all the work and only 'help'. Nott really seems to need it to approach me. A muggle born and a Gryffindor. He has been acting all kinds of strange since the start of the year.

"I .. I need to ask Professor Vector for his opinion," I said frowning. Something is going on with Nott. Is it a prank? If it is ...

"I promise Granger," He said leaning over the table clasping my hands in his. I stopped breathing. Oh my god. He stared at me with a wonderful smile gracing his features. "I won't cause any havoc" He murmured. I stared unable to say anything. He seems taken with .. me?

"Nott.," I said breathless hiding my internal battle. I should be walking away. The voices seemed to return.

"Granger," He said with the same intensity.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" We heard a loud screech and jumped from our seats. My eye balls almost fell out of my sockets when I saw it.

"Is ... Are those Luna and Zabini? WHAT .. What on earth is she doing to his pants?" I stammered.

"I swear Zabini is a nuisance" Nott muttered with a string of curses and rushed to them.

"THEO! This .. this .. THIS GIRL!" Zabini screeched pointing a finger at Luna who was searching for something over our heads. Probably Nargles.

"What happened?" Theo asked exasperated stealing glances at Luna. "Lovegood... Is there something above my head?" He asked. I put my hand on his shoulder and shook my head at him. It's no good.

"Oh! There are Nargles above your head." She replied mystically.

"Nargles?" He asked seemingly confused as Zabini still watched Luna horrified shaking his finger at her.

"Nargles. They infest Mistletoes. Though some are above our heads. Right there!" She said and jumped at Zabini who flattened himself against the book shelf with a look of absolute terror on his face. She jumped up to catch the 'Nargle' in her hands and slowly approached Nott. Zabini was mouthing run to him. He just stood there looking beyond surprised.

"Here is it. A Nargle" She said tonelessly to him showing her empty palm. Or with a Nargle.

"Uh. Yeah. Nargle" He said nodding uncertainly at her and looking at me.

"Luna? Are you okay? What happened?" I asked. "Why .. Why were you shouting?" I asked eyeing Zabini. Nah. He wouldn't have done anything. He seems scared beyond his wits.

"I wasn't shouting. It was him" She said nodding at Zabini and staring at her palm.

"Blaise" Nott said slowly. "Explain" He demanded. Zabini never took his eyes off Luna. What did the girl do to him?

"She came .. from somewhere and started humming some weird song. Then.." He said gulping.

"Zabini" Nott warned.

"Then she asked me to search for some book on .. Heliopaths." He said looking at us in desperation. "I was searching for the book .. when .. when..." He muttered looking thoroughly disgruntled.

"When?" I prompted.

"When .. When she slapped my butt!" He muttered looking mortified. That was something coming from Blaise Zabini the extraordinaire. If even half of the rumours were true ... He must have bedded half the girls at Hogwarts. Luna probably belonged to the other half never meant to touch.

"Wh.. Why?" Nott spluttered looking at Luna who finally turned her attention to us.

"There were Nargles," She said dreamily. She has probably gotten rid of .. that Nargle.

"There were .." Nott said incredulously.

"Nargles" I supplied with my eyebrows touching my hairline in shock.

"NEAR MY BUTT?" Zabini screeched again. Luna nodded earnestly. Nott and I looked at each other and promptly burst into fits of laughter.

"HOLY SALAZAR" Nott cried clutching his stomach and supporting himself against the book shelf.

"Zabini has Nargles," I said laughing uncontrollably. "Near his butt" I finished and we doubled over in laughter. I caught Nott to steady myself. Dear Merlin. No wonder he was this frustrated.

"Stop it you two! This girl is crazy!" He yelled. And I wiped off the tears from my eyes. Holy Merlin. Luna bristled but didn't seem to mind.

"Hermione. The wrackspurts aren't around you anymore" She said. And we fell silent.

"I .. I suppose it's a good thing" I mumbled.

"It is a good thing. I got to know of another good thing today" She said humming her tune again.

"What?" We asked simultaneously when we noticed her looking at Zabini. Oh-oh.

"Blaise has a very fine ass," She said with a smile and monotonous note. Like she was announcing her next class. Then she walked up to Zabini. I swear, He couldn't be more shocked.

"See you, Blaise," She said to a statue like Zabini and .. Merlin's Pants!

She pinched his behind and left bouncing on her feet leaving us stumped. A few moments passed before Nott and I again collapsed laughing.

"It's not funny" He muttered staring after Luna's retreating figure.

"WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING ON HERE?" Madam Pince said barrelling towards us. Shit. I thought and Nott cursed.

"You two. Out of my Library. Now" She punctuated every word with a glare. Then her focus shifted to me and her gaze softened.

"Miss Granger?" She said sounding surprised.

"They are with me Madam Pince. I am sorry for all the ruckus. I promise nothing will happen again. Zabini saw a spider that's it. He was scared" I said quickly. Nott snorted. Zabini whispered harshly in my ear.

"I am not your Weasel Boy Granger"

"Shut up. I am saving your .. ass" I said. Nott turned a laugh into a cough which progressed to become hysterical fits.

"And Mr Zabini.. Where is that spider now?" Madam Pince asked with hands on her hips eyeing Nott angrily.

"I hit it with this book," He said without missing a beat. He did miss the look of horror that passed over Madam Pince's face and the wince on mine. It doesn't look he had been in the library before. 

"WHAT?" Madam Pince shrieked then looked around and whispered heatedly. "What?"

"What he meant was, he wanted to hit it with a book but it got away" Nott supplied. "Didn't you Blaise?" Nott asked elbowing his friend hard. He yelped.

"YES! Yes.. It got away" He mumbled rubbing his sides and scowling at Nott.

"Mr Zabini," She said taking steps towards Zabini clearly itching to hex him.

"Madam Pince... Please, They won't cause any trouble. I will make sure of that" I said jumping in between.

"Miss Granger, I really hope you are not doing just to save these befouled brats. One more sound and I might have to cut short your time here as well." She warned and I winced.

"Yes. Madam Pince" I said.

"Very well." She nodded displeased. "YOU! Stay away from my books" She said glaring at Zabini who gave her a bored nod. She went away, disappearing into the book stacks like usual.

"Where was that bravery when Luna .. er.. slapped your butt?" I asked. Nott, who did a good job controlling his laughter, burst out laughing.

"Shush! She will come back!" I said covering his mouth with my palm and looking around for Madam Pince. She has an annoying capability to jump on people when she wasn't remotely expected.

"Blaise. I was wondering where you disappeared. But here are you. Associating with scum" Malfoy said sneaking up behind us. I jumped away from Nott in utter astonishment.

"Draco. What are you doing here?" Nott asked surprised. I had to keep myself from running when I saw the icy depths of his eyes and the fury marring his features.

"I could ask the same thing Nott" He replied coolly. He was angry as hell and was doing an excellent job covering it.

"I came here to talk to Granger" Nott replied calmly noticing Malfoy's terrible mood. Who stepped on his tail now?

"Is it? And may I ask why you plan to shag this mud blood? You seem pretty close" He said crossing his arms over his chest. Like it wasn't just hours ago he said blood didn't matter. Like it was just a _dream_ after all.

"Draco!" Nott said sharply but Malfoy didn't take his eyes off me. I stared back angrily. I was itching to hex his bollocks off.

"I should be leaving," I said stonily and turned to Nott. "I will talk to Professor Vector and get back to you," I said with a curt nod and went to grab my things from the table.

"Granger!" He called out but was silenced by an angry growl by Malfoy.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM DRACO?" Nott asked Malfoy furiously.

"What is your problem? What are you doing here with _her_?" He asked with a disgusting sneer.

"Draco," Theo said taking a warning step towards Malfoy. Zabini jumped in between and stopped them.

"Guys Guys. Stop it. You are making a scene" Zabini said slowly.

"SO what?" Malfoy asked bored.

"I don't get it! Why do you always do this to me? Where is Astoria? Why don't you find her and drag her somewhere to shag like always?" Nott snarled and my insides dropped. I felt sick. I had to leave. Right now. The lights in the Library started to flicker and it started raining outside.

"So that you can shag this disgusting mud blood?" Malfoy sneered.

"STOP," Zabini said harshly. "Better stop right now or someone else will report you both." Zabini reasoned.

"No one cares" Malfoy replied.

"Draco, nothing is going on. Nott wanted to have a look at some book and I tagged along. She and her crazy friend just came in the way that's it." Zabini said. Crazy friend?

I was about to run away when Zabini called out "Granger! Not one word out of what happened earlier" He warned.

"Don't worry Zabini. I won't tarnish my crazy's friend's reputation by telling everyone that she is associating with someone like you" I snapped and left immediately. The fury and the sinking feeling drowning all the voices around me. Silence is blissful.

I couldn't wait for the time when I find Malfoy and end this here.

* * *

**_9th September 1998, Wednesday, 6:34 P.M, New Castle, Hogwarts._ **

Professor Vector was visibly surprised to hear that Nott wasn't doing well in her subject. She was frowning when she explained that he was doing extremely well. That figures. He was just messing with me. I thanked her set off to my room. These Slytherins are targeting me. Well, I am the only one in the Golden Trio in their sights, they can't help but torture Potter's Mudblood. I hate that name anyway.

I sat in my arm chair thinking about what to tell Malfoy. Every time I think of him, I felt bitter. I don't want this. I don't want to want him. I don't want to spend the rest of my time torn between hexing him and lusting after him. I promised myself, I will not let him near me and maintain this strictly professional. If needed, I will tie myself down or something. I needed to explain this to him with a clear head.

But what about the dreams? How can he act like I am all he cares about in dreams and curse me in real life? I decided not to dwell too much on those dreams. They are nothing but a means to woo me. Are they? A part of me whispered. I closed my eyes in dismay.

"Your blood is not filthy," He said.

" _You have no idea How long I had been dreaming of this" He whispered kissing my palm_

" _It took me all I had not to kiss you today" He murmured_

" _Don't say that word." He said sharply_

The voices returned. I breathed out sharply as memories invaded my head. It was him, him everywhere. His kisses, his smell, his touch. Everything enough for me. Everything enough to destroy me.

" _Hermione?" He asked in a voice that acted like a salve. It was the very first time, I heard him call me by my given name._

" _You are back," He said jubilantly._

" _I .. I shouldn't have done that. Came to tell...Hmm..I scared you off... Couldn't hold back... Reminded me ..." He mumbled_

" _I am not them. They are my family. I can't change who they are" He said. I looked at him._

" _You can change who you are," I said staring at his face._

" _That, I can try," He said wrapping his arms around me_

I sank to the floor writhing in pain. It was like I was reliving each of them again. Hard to stop even harder to let go. My head was pounding and I was biting my tongue to keep myself from screaming when I thought my head will split into two.

" _I like your rat's nest the way it is. It's all part of your charm. You look beautiful the way you are. " He said_

" _Like you always smell" He replied._

" _Lilies. You smell like Lilies " He said quietly._

" _Cassiopeia," He said locking his eyes with mine._

I couldn't hold back the scream that was threatening to escape. It was a bloodcurdling scream that had me heaving and my throat parched. I wasn't able to see anything. He was all I was thinking about. Things I needed to tell him. How to set us free. The stars. I could see them everywhere. I could see him. Laughing, pointing upwards at the sky. I felt my own lips curve up in a smile. Then, it was all light.

* * *

"Hermione! Hold ON!" I heard a harsh whisper. I saw the corridors of the castle and it felt like I was on a roller-coaster. I was in someone's arms. I saw red hair from the corner of my eye. Ginny?

"Neville! Hurry up!" She cried as I started to heave for breath. It was too much. I wanted to cry, I didn't know why. Draco laughing was the only thing that was replaying in my mind. I wanted to go to him. To the safety of his arms. This was killing me. I needed him like I needed air. The voices were sinking their talons into my sanity. I felt the darkness consume me.

"Hermione?" Neville called out laying me down on the hospital bed as Madam Pomfrey rushed over to me.

"What happened to her?" Madam Pomfrey asked looking horrified.

"We .. we heard her screams and found her on the floor of her room," Ginny said sounding close to tears.

"She has cuts all over her" A voice, I assumed Neville said with a gasp.

"Quick get me that vial over there!" Madam Pomfrey instructed and I heard the faint rustling of feet. The second that liquid touched me, I started screaming at the top of my voice. It was liquid fire spreading through my veins.

"HERMIONE!" Ginny's cries were drowned in my screams. I lost conscious.

* * *

I woke up to see Ginny looming over me. Her worried expression turned into relief as soon as she saw my eyes open groggily.

"She is up! Tell everyone!" She cried out and rushed to hold my hand. I winced.

"Sorry" She whispered. I nodded and gave her a smile.

"How long was I out?" I asked weakly.

"A couple of hours" She replied. I winced. I had to talk to Malfoy!

"What happened?" She asked. Should I tell her the truth? Should I tell her everything? Her blue eyes were moist and red rimmed. She had been crying.

"Was I that bad?" I asked. She just hung her head.

"See for yourself," She said showed me my arms. They were all bandaged. The cuts had reopened. It wasn't unusual. It happened before when it was particularly difficult to hold on. It hasn't happened to me for a while now. All my wounds were self-inflicted. None magical. Ginny noticed my lack of surprise.

"It has happened before?" She demanded. Her anger scared me. What if they didn't accept my condition?

"I anticipated it would happen. It was a spell... I had read about while we were on run, I never summoned up the courage to try it .." I lied, closing my eyes so that she won't see my internal turmoil. I was lying to my best friends just to stay out of an Asylum.

"HERMIONE? YOU DO REALISE HOW STUPID THAT WAS?" She screamed at me and I winced. I couldn't get a word out of my mouth to retaliate. It was all a lie. I don't want to lie.

"I ... I was .. mistaken" I mumbled. No one will buy it. But Ginny stopped yelling and looked at me.

"Mione," She said softly. "I was so scared. You were lying there in a pool of blood, You are my best friend Mione... I .. I thought I had lost you" She said fighting back sobs.

"Ginny," I said trying to console her.

"You are supposed to be the wise one," She said hiccuping as I threw my arm around her. "You don't do mistakes!" She cried.

"Ginny, I am just a human after all. I promise nothing like this will ever happen again. Believe me... I am sorry for worrying you and others." I whispered. She nodded wiping her tears away.

"Who knows about this?" I asked.

"The entire school of course" She replied and my stomach dropped. No .. NO... They will send me away...

"Professor McGonagall didn't let the details go out. Everyone thinks you slipped and fell. I know it's lame. It was the best thing Neville could come up with." She said and my spirits rocketed.

"Have you told Harry and Ron?" I asked. She shook her head.

"I was about to when you woke up," She said apologetically.

"Don't," I said firmly and she looked at me bewildered.

"What?" She asked.

"Don't tell them anything," I said meeting her eye.

"What do you mean don't tell them anything?" She demanded.

"They don't need to know this Ginny," I said looking away.

"What? They are your best friends Hermione since you were eleven for Merlin's sake! They deserve to know" She argued.

"Don't you think I know that?" I snapped. Ginny placed her hands on her hips.

"I don't know what is going on with you Hermione. You are behaving out of sorts since months and Yes, we are not dumb. We all noticed you aren't comfortable with telling us. So, we let you be. Now you are hiding things and distancing yourself. Suddenly, the Slytherins hold your interest. I want the truth Hermione" She said with her eyes blazing. I fought the urge to tell her everything. Tell what I have been hiding since the end of the war. I can't. I can't do this.

I don't want to be sent away. I don't want to be termed insane. I can handle this. Just a little time. I need a little more time. I will improve my condition.

"I don't want to burden you people" I murmured.

"Burden?" She asked sceptically.

"The war has just ended Ginny. Harry has just found some peace. Ron is happy with the attention he gets. All are finally happy. I don't want to ruin this for anyone. If anyone deserves some happiness and joy it's you people" I said passionately. I had to tell the truth. At least half of it. I don't want them to worry about me. I don't want Harry or Ron watch me when I sleep so that I don't scream like they did in Grimmauld place. I want to keep them happy and content.

"You deserve the joy too, Hermione. We love you. We don't want you to suffer alone" She said sighing.

"Do this for me, Ginny. I trust you. Harry and Ron don't deserve this. I swear, I will take care of myself. I will even get a Shag buddy or something as you advised." I promised. She cracked a smile.

"I still can't believe you want to hide this from them. I will keep my mouth sealed and make sure Neville does it too. However, I will tell them you fell." She saw my expression and glared. "YOU ALMOST GOT KILLED! YOU NEED SOME ATTENTION MIONE!" She shouted at me and thankfully Madam Pomfrey who was talking to Professor McGonagall, came in and dragged a protesting Ginny away. I laughed at her and promised to take care of myself. She sighed and promised to return the first thing tomorrow.

* * *

Madam Pomfrey fussed around me and when I told her about the spell, She was positively freaked out. She demanded to know the spell, I said that the mere incantation is powerful and I can't spell it. She didn't buy it. I launched into some made-up-story to convince her when Professor McGonagall entered. My voice died a silent death. She will figure that out. But Professor surprisingly didn't ask me any questions. She said that Ginny had told her about my unwillingness to share the details and said that she hoped I would be careful with spells later on.

I blinked for a few times before nodding mutely. What on earth Ginny do to convince Professor McGonagall? She wasn't even here when Professor came. When did she meet her? Madam Pomfrey insisted to know the details but Professor refused. She said it was my decision after all. I was confused.

What does Professor McGonagall know that I don't?

Madam Pomfrey insisted I stay in the Hospital for a few days. When I refused, Professor McGonagall asked her to let me go. Madam Pomfrey put her foot down and out right dismissed Professor McGonagall and said something along the lines of this is my wing and I will decide what happens to my patients. Professor sighed and relented. After some tireless arguments, she said she will let me go in a day or two after the wounds heal and my blood is replenished. Muttering under her breath Madam Pomfrey left to get me some potion.

"Miss Granger?" Professor McGonagall said softly.

"Yes Professor?" I asked surprised at her tone.

"I know there are things that are bothering you," She said and cut me off when I started to protest. "You can't fool me, Miss Granger. All I want to tell you, is even the strongest of the people need some love and support." She said. I stared at her almost gaping. Professor McGonagall sounded like...

"I know, I sound like Albus. But he is right you know. Love can heal even the deepest scars" She said softly. "In here," She said placing a hand on her heart. "And In here," She said tapping her fore head. I watched dumbfounded as she got up.

"Now Miss Granger, I hope you recover soon enough. Just to let you know, You still have to submit that essay by the day after tomorrow. I will make arrangements to send you your homework here itself." She said sternly. I gaped openly as she walked away.

"One more thing Miss Granger," She said stopping at the door way.

"Yes?" I choked.

"Your classes with Mr Malfoy start this Monday. I suggest you talk to him about the arrangements. The access to Restricted section will be given to you after you are released from the hospital ward" She said and left me to stare at the beds in absolute bewilderment.

What in Merlin's name Happen just now?

* * *

**_9th September 1998, Wednesday, 11:32 P.M, Hospital Wing, Hogwarts._ **

Madam Pomfrey was dead to the world after 11 P.M. She was sleeping soundly in her room even after I had broken 2 vases and hid the remains. Unfortunately, I didn't have that divine gift of sleeping and woke up as soon as I heard her snores, the sleeping draught having no effect on me.

"When I die, It will be due to lack of sleep" I muttered when Madam Pomfrey snored again. The hospital wing was empty. No one has broken their limbs yet. It was just a week into this year and I feel like it's been months. Maybe it's because I am just tired. Maybe it's because I'm pissed off with snores?

I couldn't sleep well with snoring anyway. Ron snored like Hogwarts' express and Harry snored as well. I had to silence them to sleep soundly while we were on the run. The problem here was, My wand was still in my room and no one bothered to bring it to me.

The last time I was in hospital wing was during the war. There were many injured and Madam Pomfrey tended them as good as she could. A few died, The injuries were grave. Their screams still haunt me. This place brings back memories like the rest of the castle does. I wonder, will I ever be able to forget this?

I tossed and turned my bed clutching the pillow closer. I.. I was scared. The voices scare me. The nightmares scare me. And times like this remind me of the days when my parents were with me. I hated darkness since childhood. When I was afraid, I used to crawl into my parents' bed and sleep soundly. Dad always teased me for being a scaredy-cat. Mom used just ruffle my hair and say darkness is nothing. Nothing will come out and get my baby. If only she knew, the world I chose to be a part of, had darkness all along. Even if darkness is gone, Shadows follow.

I miss them. I miss them so much. I miss my mom's incessant nagging. My dad's nonsensical lullaby when he tries to put me to sleep after a bad dream... Their smiles, their happiness when they see me. It chokes me every time when I think of what I did to them. I just erased their memories and wiped off the life they built with a single flick of my wand. They might never forgive me. Will I be able to survive that? They are my everything after all. I love them too much to let go. Maybe loving is letting go?

Maybe it is. I thought as a single tear slid down my cheek much to my surprise. I had started crying again. I broke down into painful sobs as the reality crashed in. I might lose what I treasure forever. The guilt was consuming me. What have I done? What am I even doing?

"Granger" I heard his soft voice and stopped crying, to lift my head. The sobs turned to hiccups when I met his grey eyes shining.

"Malfoy?" I asked bewildered, my voice sounding hoarse.

"You have been crying" He stated, searching my face and kneeling down beside the bed.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded. He sighed pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Scoot over," He said suddenly and got up. I scrambled to pull the sheets up to cover myself. The nightgown Ginny brought isn't what I prefer generally. It barely reached my knees.

"Malfoy!" I yelped, as he slipped beneath the covers beside me.

"What?" He asked.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I screeched. He rolled his eyes and cast a silencing charm around us.

"Why are you crying?" He asked me with wide eyes, the moonlight illuminating his already flawless features. I couldn't get a word out. Merlin, He was beautiful.

"Granger?" He pressed. What can I say? That I miss my Mum and dad or that I am suffering from something I don't even start to understand or I am crying because I don't know what to make of him or Why does this doesn't feel strange? Why doesn't his touch seem foreign?

I closed my eyes and shook my head as the sobs wracked me.

"Hermione" He breathed out before gathering me in his arms. I stopped thinking. It was nothing but agony that erased everything when I clung to him for dear life. He didn't complain as I ruined his shirt. He didn't complain when I held him tighter than necessary. He gently smoothed down my hair and mumbled sweet nothings in my ear. Just to console me.

I felt lighter as the pain faded. The terrible sorrow and frustration that had me chained finally released me. He pressed his lips to my forehead when I had finally stopped crying. I lifted my head to see him staring down at me. There was something odd about that expression. Like he was just ready to burst. Like he was hiding his pain.

His hands framed my face. I felt safer than I was in the last few months. But why? He was on the enemies side. He shouldn't be the one to make me feel safe. He shouldn't be the one to wipe my tears away. He shouldn't be the one whose smile sent my heart galloping away.

"You are worrying too much again." He said resting his forehead against mine.

"Why are you here Draco?" I mumbled.

"I heard that you _fell_ ," He said emphasising on the fell. I detached myself from him in an instant.

"What is this about?" I asked calmly though my heart was racing in panic.

"I want to talk to you somewhere else about this" He replied. I nodded mutely. Let him talk. Then I will let the cat out of the bag.

"Lead the way" I muttered. He stood and looked at me expectantly. The moment I stood up, My feet were jelly. I stumbled and he caught me on time before I broke my teeth or something.

"Thank you" I heaved steadying myself. The blood replenishing potions still have to weave their magic I suppose.

"Honestly Granger... Is one year without any mishap too much for you?" He asked exasperatedly.

"I didn't do ANYTHING!" I protested. "I came back this year to complete my education. And out of the blue, you appear before me and start acting all mercurial. Then we start receiving threats! I get locked up and You almost kill me. And a few days later? You kiss me like nothing matters! And again you fucking curse me! I don't understand what is wrong with YOU!" I yelled. My cheeks burned as I realised my folly. He was gazing at me with his mouth slightly ajar.

Shit! SHIT. I shouldn't be talking about that .. that... KISS! I had berated myself the entire time onto thinking it was nothing. We were just consumed by the spell .. and .. and.

"Ahh!" I cried as the ground vanished beneath my feet. He had me swooped into his arms. His amazing scent hit me again. Always this cologne and sandalwood had me reeling.

"PUT ME DOWN! I am not a toddler! I can walk" I screamed hitting against his chest. He didn't even budge.

"MALFOY! DOWN NOW!" I cried in vain. I had never been carried around since I turned 10. Not even my dad did it anymore.

"Draco" I whined in protest. I hated feeling incompetent.

"Sssh. Granger. Stay quiet for a while" He murmured placing his index finger against my lips. All my protests died. For Merlin's sake, I wanted to kiss him senseless. I nodded breathlessly. He smirked triumphantly. He casted a disillusionment charm effectively even when I was in his arms. Good Lord. I was hyperventilating as I felt his muscles flex beneath. I had seen him shirtless in my dreams. The vision of those washboard abs and that scandalous v line made me as horny as hell.

I cursed under my breath for my over active imagination. He didn't seem to mind as I fidgeted in his arms, in discomfort. I could hear his heart beat as clear as day. I leaned into him and rested my head against his chest. It felt so good. So warm.

"Do all girls get this _special_ treatment or is it just me?" I whispered scowling. He smirked. I knew that he would.

"Jealous Granger?" He asked.

"Curious. To take my mind off things" I replied as the cool breeze tickled me.

"Have you seen me carrying girls around?" He asked.

"Not when you are invisible" I reminded.

"Always the smart ass," He said chuckling softly as his entire chest rumbled against me. Holy Merlin.

Then he didn't speak a word. I didn't press for more. We were comfortable in the silence. We had a lot to talk later.

He was standing in front of his room looking at me. I was still in his arms and he made no more to release me. The charm had worn off and we were standing out in open.

"Malfoy?" I questioned.

"Hm?" He replied.

"You aren't going to carry me over the threshold are you?" I snapped. "PUT ME DOWN!"

"Your hair spikes up like a kneazle when you are angry" He commented lazily. I glared at him.

"Down," I said slowly. He just shook his head.

"YOU ANNOYING BRAT!" I cried as he swung me around laughing.

"I like annoying you!" He replied as I cried in joy? Fear? Mortification? I don't know. It was all unfamiliar.

"Malfoy!" I exclaimed as the light headedness set in.

"Who is there?" a voice asked carefully and we froze.

"Draco.." I murmured as he carefully set me on my feet

"Stay here Granger. Not a sound" He whispered with a finger against my lips. I gazed at him as he looked around like someone expecting an onslaught.

"But.." I started.

"Not a sound" He warned again and set off.

"Granger" He mumbled after walking a few feet. I met his gaze.

"It's only you," He said softly before running towards the light, Leaving me behind with emotions I didn't understand.

* * *

**End Notes:**

Well, Here you go. I hope you people enjoyed it. A very Happy Valentine's Day to all the people out there. I am spending my day with a cup of hot chocolate and lots of anime. COMMENT and make this poor single girl happy. Not so single anyway. I am dating many people. In my head. They just don't know yet.

Love is in the air, (Or is it oxygen?)

Alex.


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